Sunlit Moon
by di0772
Summary: Although Renesmee knows Jake is an important part of her life she is clueless as to why. Can she work it out before it's too late and she loses Jake forever? Written fully in RPOV. ON HOLD TEMPORARILY DUE TO DEATH IN FAMILY
1. Chapter 1

**_A/N: Renesmee is 6 years in human years at the start of the story. It starts just prior to her 1st birthday._**

_**1st year - Born - 6yrs  
2nd year - 6yrs - 10yrs  
3rd year - 10yrs - 13yrs  
4th year - 13yrs - 15yrs  
5th year - 15yrs - 16yrs**_

_**Hopefully this wil help you follow the story better**.  
_

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me. ****No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**  
Chapter 1 - Goodbyes**

"Renesmee, sweetie. It's time to go." mum called from the front door.

"I know. I'll be there in a minute." I replied. I looked at the house that had been such a huge part of my life so far and wondered when I would return. It was not the first time that we had left but this time was definitely the hardest….

The first time was six months after the Volturi visit when Carlisle had said it was time to move on. He could not stay at the hospital any longer. He was way too young looking and could no longer pass for a thirty three year old. So Carlisle had taken a position at a hospital in Lebanon New Hampshire near where Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett had been accepted to go to Dartmouth College. Esme was going to renovate their new home which was just outside Lebanon in Mascoma.

Carlisle and Billy had convinced both of the wolf packs to go back to a normal life but when Mum and Dad told Jake we were going too, Dad and Jake got into a huge fight. I did not understand why only that Jake was furious they were going to take me away. Jake told them if they wanted to go he would be going to. So Mum, Dad and I stayed in Forks and Grandpa Charlie told everyone that Mum and Dad were taking a year or two off to travel before starting their college experience. Jake went back to school on the reservation but he came to visit every afternoon with Seth.

We did not travel much the first year. Mostly we went back and forth between Forks and Mascoma to see the rest of the family. Mum wanted as much time as she could with Grandpa Charlie since she knew we had to move on. Grandpa visited every chance he got since we could not go to his house. He taught me how to fish. He also taught me all the different types of fauna and flora that were scattered around Forks just like he had with Mum when she was little. Most weekends I spent alternating between La Push with Jake and fishing with Grandpa.

On the weekends I stayed with Jake we spent hours at the beach swimming, collecting shells and building elaborate sandcastles. Jake would let me ride on his back when he was a wolf and we would run through the wood hunting animals. We did not always catch them I just liked the chase. It was fun. This was our special time. It did not matter what I wanted to do Jake would say yes. If I wanted to sit and watch movies all day in my pyjamas then we did. But I liked the outdoors. I liked the rain and the sun, I loved the woods and the beach. I even helped Jake out in his garage while he was building cars.

When we went to visit the family in Mascoma, Rosalie and Alice would take me shopping to update my wardrobe. Jasper and Emmett taught me how to play baseball and Emmett bought me my own bat. Dad insisted I get a glove as well since I was not as strong as the rest of my family. I also loved ice hockey. I loved watching the players crashing into each other and the speed at which the game is played. We would sit and watch the games on TV and Jasper and Emmett would explain the rules to me.

The second year was vastly different. Mum and Dad decided it was time to travel. I had grown so much, at the start of the year I looked like I was nine years old by the end I looked like I was thirteen. We spent a month away and then two weeks in Forks. That was the compromise Dad and Jake had come to.

Our first trip was to Denali to visit with our cousins. They taught me to hunt polar bears and penguins. I got to swim with whales since they weren't afraid of me but as soon as anyone else got in the water they left. We went snowmobiling and skiing throughout the National Park and Wildlife Preserve

Then we started my international travel. First we visited all our friends who came to bear witness for the family. I got to see Ireland, Egypt, Africa and South America but we avoided Italy. Then it was wherever we decided to go. We saw the Great Pyramids, Stonehenge, the Great Wall of China and the Mayan and Aztec ruins. I found the ruins fascinating. I got to see more than anyone else because my family could jump, leap and climb to places that had no paths. Plus we had great night vision. The rest of the family joined us when we went to the Amazon but I knew Emmett and Jasper really wanted to come for the hunting.

I enjoyed the trips for the first couple of weeks but then I started to miss Jake. The last week was unbearably long and dragged as if it would never end. Jake was always eager to hear what I'd been up to and I always had a souvenir for him. It did not matter how small it was he always made a big deal out of it. He put them on the mantle in the lounge room for everyone too see. Mum and Dad even took me to Isle Esme where they had had their honeymoon. After our month was up, Mum and Dad decided to stay and had Jake come get me. Jake said they were having a second honeymoon. I spent a whole month with him before they returned.

As the second year came to a close Dad said it was now time to join the rest of family. Mum had been to see Grandpa to let him know about our departure. We were packing up the main house getting ready to leave when Jake arrived. The cottage had already been done. He had been oddly absent the last couple of weeks, only visiting for an hour or two every couple of nights. He had also had been very quiet and did not say much. I assumed it was because Mum and Dad had told him we were leaving. I missed the happy Jake that I always had fun with.

When I saw him I could tell immediately that something was wrong. His eyes were red and swollen like he had been crying for a long time. His head was down and his shoulders slumped. I ran up to him and jumped into his arms giving him the biggest hug I could manage. Usually it cheered him up but today he just hugged me back, I felt tears falling from his face onto my hair.

"Jake, what is wrong?" I asked concerned.

Mum and Dad came rushing into the room.

Dad must have read Jake's thoughts because he said "I'm so sorry Jake."

"Billy is really sick Ness. They say he does not have long left to live. I can't stay long," he said quietly to me. I hugged him even tighter.

"I am sorry," I managed to say my eyes now filling with tears.

This was the first time in my life that someone I knew was dying. No one had even told me that Billy was sick. When I looked up, Dad was outside talking to Carlisle letting him know the sad news.

His phone rang and he listened briefly before he hung up and kissed my cheek. "I have to go." He said suddenly giving me to Mum. He was shaking to phase before he got to the door.

"Edward!" Mum called running for the car. Dad was right behind us.

We raced to Billy's house. Sam let Mum and Dad onto the reservation despite the treaty because it was what Jake needed. Everyone was there, both wolf packs, Grandpa Charlie and Sue Clearwater. It was crowded. People coming and going all day. Emily had cooked and brought food around for everyone to eat. Mostly they just picked at it. The rest of my family arrived later that day. Carlisle checked Billy and said there was nothing he could do. Billy was too far gone. It was a long day and night. I fell asleep curled up on Dad's lap but I woke up in Jake's bed. Jake never left Billy's side.

The next morning Dad asked Seth and Quil to take us youngsters down to the beach for a while to give us a break from all the sadness. It was whilst we down there, collecting shells, that I heard the saddest sound I have ever heard. The harrowing sound of a wolf crying out in pain. It raised the hairs on my arms and gave me goose bumps all over. I shuddered.

It was Jake, Billy had died.

"Renesmee!" It was Mum. She had come to get me. I realised I was crying. She swept me up in her arms covering me with kisses. If she could have cried tears, they would have been flowing down her face too.

Seth and Quil had disappeared and other wolves were now adding their sorrow filled howls to Jake's. It was a haunting chorus but a fitting tribute to an elder of the tribe. It went on for hours.

When Jake had finally come back he picked me up and hugged me his tears still flowing. We sat on the sofa not moving. He was so sad. Carlisle and Dad stayed to help Jake with the funeral arrangements and Mum stayed with Sue to help comfort Grandpa Charlie. It was a sombre mood when we arrived home. No one said much and I did not understand everything that was happening but I knew everyone was sad because I was too.

Three days later they attended Billy's funeral. I wanted to go but Mum and Dad said it was best if I did not. Rosalie stayed home with me. She did not like funerals anyway. She took me hunting to try to take my mind off things but I was not hungry. I just wanted to see Jake. We had just crossed the river on our way home when I caught hold of a scent I knew. It was Jake, he was here.

I raced ahead of Rosalie excited to see my Jake but he was not there. I did not understand. I looked around confused. I had smelt his scent right? So where was he?

"Where is Jake?" I asked close to tears now as the disappointment set in.

"Ness honey, Jake needs some time to grieve, he'll come see you soon," Dad said in a quiet voice. "He left you this," he handed me an envelope with my name on it.

I may have been born just on three years ago but my development was not like other kids. In human years I was almost thirteen years old. I took the envelope from Dad and went to the sofa to read it. I opened it carefully and found a note and a picture of Jake and me collecting shells on the beach. Mum had taken it a couple of months ago.

_My Beautiful Nessie,_

_I know you do not understand everything that is happening_

_right now but you will some day. I do not want to leave_

_and it breaks my heart but I need some time alone._

_Please do not be sad. I promise to come and see you real soon._

_Love you always_

_Your Jake._

_P.S. I miss you already._

The tears started to flow the minute I saw the picture he had left me. He was right. I did not understand. I just wanted to hug my Jake. Now I did not know when that was going to be and it hurt. It hurt more than I imagined.

"Jake," I cried over and over again.

Mum held me on her lap, rocking me back and forth whispering, "He'll come home soon, I promise."

I heard Alice say in the background 'Jasper'. A feeling of calm washed over me and my eyes got real heavy. I felt Mum carrying me up the stairs but I do not remember being put into bed.

The next thing I knew it was morning. Everyone knew I was awake but no one came in. I sat in my room staring out the window letting the silent tears fall down my face hugging the stuffed wolf he had given me this last Christmas. I sat there trying to think of all the thinks Jake and I had planned to do when we moved but it made me even sadder. I stayed in my room all day. No one came to see me, they let me sit quietly. Eventually I cried myself back to sleep and when I awoke again it was dark. I rolled over. My clock said it was three o'clock. I could hear sounds coming from downstairs so I got up, washed my face and went downstairs.

"Hey sweetie, feeling any better?" Dad asked when he saw me. He crossed the room and picked me up.

"A little," I managed to say.

"Can I get you anything to eat?" I shook my head.

"I am thirsty though."

"Do you want me to take you hunting?" I nodded.

So Dad took me hunting. Emmett came along too, challenging me who could find the biggest deer. But it was not the same. He was not Jake. I finished off a stag and we headed back. The sun was just coming up as we entered the house. Nearly everything had been repacked.

"Are we still moving?" I asked. Panic starting to set in.

"Yes, it's time to leave," Mum replied.

"But how will Jake know where we have moved? How will he know how to find me?" I cried, fresh tears appearing.

"Renesmee," Mum said softly, "Jake already knows. We told him before he left."

So that morning we said our goodbyes to Grandpa Charlie and moved to Mascoma with the rest of the family.


	2. Chapter 2

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me. ****No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 2 - Bad Behaviou**r

We did not move in with Carlisle and Esme. They still had a main house where everyone could stay on the outskirts of Mascoma but everyone was living as couples separately so they could seem like normal college students. We all lived in close proximity though. We spent most evenings at the main house anyway as the family wanted as much time with me as they could since I was growing so quickly.

Dad had already bought a house before Mum had become a vampire so they could live together while they went to college. He said it was a good investment. It was a large two storey brick house just on the Mascoma side of Lebanon. Anyone could have lived there, there was nothing special about it. It had three large bedrooms, a linen closet and a bathroom upstairs. Downstairs had a large lounge room, kitchen, dining room and an entertainment/rumpus room as well as a double garage. There was a landscaped garden and manicured lawns both front and back and the backyard had a deck for entertaining. No one would know that vampires lived there. Alice and Esme had obviously decorated before we got there. Most of our furniture from the cottage in Forks had been brought here plus Esme had been shopping because there were new pieces. Alice had done my room up in pink, it was very girlie. It was not exactly what I wanted but there was no point in arguing because when it comes to Alice she usually gets her way.

Dad started college at Dartmouth with the others that year but Mum decided to wait until I was fully grown before starting. Dad tried to convince her to do a night course since I slept at night anyway and she did not but she did not want to miss out on any part of me growing up. Carlisle and Dad decided since the wolves were going to be part of our family then they should know something about treating sick and injured animals so Dad was studying veterinary science. Emmett thought it was hilarious, of course, but then there were only three things he was interested in; Rosalie, cards and sports - especially baseball.

Mum and Dad also did not want for me to miss out on school. So they enrolled me at Lebanon Junior High as a thirteen year old. I was Dad's kid sister. Our parents had died in a car accident and he was my legal guardian. I was living with him and his fiancée. We knew I might not be able to stay for the whole year, I was still growing too fast but at least I would get some socialisation with kids my own age for a while.

I liked my school and had made a couple of friends but I wasn't best friends with anyone. I was trying to fit in but my genetics made it hard. I was far advanced of the kids my age and kids my age did not like it. Also because I was physically stronger I had to be so careful not to hurt anyone.

Four months after we arrived I still had not heard from Jake. I knew Mum and Dad were worried. I never invited anyone over or went to visit, the couple school friends I had made. My emotions were all over the place. I was lost and miserable. I had thought Jake would have at least rung by now. I missed him so much. It was like part of me had gone missing.

Today I was having a particularly bad day. I left my homework at the main house the night before and mum had to drop it into school and I dropped my sandwich in the dirt in the playground when I walked into a bench. This was unusual as a vampire I never forgot anything and definitely did not drop or walk into things. Nothing was going right.

I was in the hall getting books from my locker for my next class when I noticed Tom Russell, the biggest bully you have ever met, pushing little Ben Doyle around. Tom was five feet ten inches and built like body builder. No kid our age had the right to be this well built. Ben was only about five feet tall and build like weed. A gust of wind would have knocked him over. Tom was trying to get Ben to hand over his lunch money but Ben did not want to. I knew I should have stayed out of it but I just could not. Ben had been one of the few kids that had accepted me. I raced across the hall from my locker and got in Tom's face.

"Leave him alone you big bully!" I yelled at him.

"Go away Nessie, this none of your business," Tom tried to push me but I braced myself and did not give an inch.

"It is to my business. It is Ben's money not yours." I argued.

"I said butt out." Tom yelled glancing at me with a sneer.

"And I said leave him alone." I stepped closer trying to insert myself between him and Ben.

"Goody too shoes Nessie always sticking up for the losers on campus."

"Yeah, well at least someone does, especially with bullies like you." I tried again and this time I was successful.

He pushed me and this time I let myself fall.

"Not so tough now, hey Nessie." he sniggered.

I got up and ran at him. I ran flat out and hit him with both hands in the stomach. He flew across the hall and into the wall landing with a loud bang. I realised as soon as I hit him I had forgotten to control the force. I heard a couple of his ribs crack. He was not expecting anyone to stand up to him. When he hit the wall I heard his skull crack. There was blood running down the wall. My classmates were staring at me. When I realised what I had done I took off running for the exit. I could hear the comments from my classmates.

"How did she do that?" someone said with shock and astonishment in their voice.

"Quick get a teacher?" someone ordered.

"Tom are you alright?" another asked with concern.

"About time, he got what was coming to him." a boy who I did not know said with satisfaction.

I could not believe what I had done. I had put my whole family in danger. I had really messed up. How were we going to be able to stay here now.

As soon as I was out the hallway door I dialled Dad. He answered on the first ring.

"Dad, I need you," I cried.

"Nessie, what's wrong?" I could hear the sound of wind in the background as he was running and suddenly the car door closing.

"I did something very wrong."

"It's okay, I'll be there in a minute. Where are you?" concern coloured his voice.

"Just inside the school gate."

I hid behind the tree to the left of the gate waiting. I knew the teachers would come looking for me but I could not face them alone. Dad pulled up a minute later just as he said he would. I ran to him as soon as he got out the car.

"I am so sorry Dad, I did not mean to do it." I buried my head in shame on his chest.

Mrs Weaver the school principal came out then looking for me.

"Ness, you need to show me what happened. I can't help you if you don't show me," Dad whispered in my ear. I put my hand to Dad's face showing him the images of the last few minutes."

"Mrs Weaver, it's nice to see you again," Dad said his voice not showing anything.

"Yes, I'm sorry it can't be under different circumstances, Mr Cullen. Would you please join me in my office."

"Of course."

As we turned to follow Mrs Weaver to her office an ambulance arrived.

"Why don't you head to my office. I'll be with you in a few minutes." She motioned for us to proceed.

"Sure, take your time," Dad replied.

Dad and I headed to Mrs Weaver's office. He did not say anything to me until we got there. He sat down in the visitors chair and pulled me to his lap.

"Ness, you just need to tell the truth to Mrs Weaver. You need to tell her exactly what happened just like you showed me."

"But Dad, I did the wrong thing. I hurt someone." My voice sounded strained even to me.

"I know Ness but it will be okay."

Dad put me in the seat next to him holding my hand and pulled out his cell. He called Carlisle at the hospital to let him know a student was on his way in to see if he could attend to him. He did not want another doctor to treat him. It would raise more questions than he wanted.

Mrs Weaver entered then and sat at her desk.

"Ness, can you tell me what happened?"

I looked at Dad and he nodded.

"It's alright sweetheart, you just tell Mrs Weaver the truth."

I looked at Mrs Weaver, took a deep breath and began.

"I was getting a book out of my locker for class when I noticed Tom was picking on Ben again. He was trying to take his lunch money. I told Tom to leave him alone and he pushed me over."

"What happened next?"

I took another depth breath and continued.

"I lost my temper and ran as fast as I could at Tom hitting him in the stomach. The next thing I knew he slid across the hall and landed against the wall. I was so ashamed I ran off."

"Ness, you know what you did was wrong?" I nodded.

"I am very sorry. I did not mean for Tom to get hurt. I just wanted him to stop."

"The teachers have spoken to the other students and they have said the same."

"Is Tom going to be okay?"

"Yes, he hit his head when he hit the wall. They've taken him to the hospital for some x-rays."

"Mr Cullen I think it would be best if Ness had the rest of the day off."

Dad nodded in agreement.

"I need to talk to Tom and his parents before I make any decisions."

"I really am sorry."

"Ness, please stop apologising. We all know you did not mean to hurt anyone. I'll see you tomorrow alright," she said looking straight at me.

"Okay."

"I'll be in contact with you later this afternoon Mr Cullen."

"Thank you Mrs Weaver. I'll wait for your call."

Dad got up then and shook Mrs Weaver's hand. Then he took mine and led me out of her office.


	3. Chapter 3

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me. ****No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 3 - Grounded**

I thought Dad would take me home but I realised when we left he was headed for the main house. It was a quiet trip. I watched the houses fly by and then the trees as we got further out of town. It was raining again and it was sheeting off the car. Mum was waiting in the garage when we pulled up. She lifted me out of the car and carried me inside pulling me onto her lap when she sat on the sofa. Dad was telling her, Esme and Alice quietly what had happened. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were still attending classes at college and would not be home for a couple of hours.

Dad's cell rang.

"Carlisle, how bad?" There was a pause as he listened to the answer.

"What was his parent's reaction?" Another pause.

"Alright, we'll see you when you get home."

He came over and kissed my forehead. Mum looked at Dad with concern.

"Well?"

"Tom has three broken ribs and a fractured skull. The bruising on his stomach is pretty bad too. He's going to be in hospital for a couple of weeks and off school for a month," Dad said grimly.

Alice's face went blank, she was seeing something.

"It's going to be alright," Alice piped up cheerfully. "Mrs Weaver is going to ring this afternoon and tell you after speaking with other students, Tom's bullying was worse than they thought. Two students are going to come forward and the police with become involved. Tom won't be returning to school."

"I thought you could not see my future."

"I can't but I can see Toms." I sighed with relief.

"Ness, you know you did the wrong thing?" Dad asked. I nodded.

"You understand why you have to control your strength around humans. If you had of hit him any harder you could have killed him."

"Edward, please, she knows this." Mum scolded Dad.

"No, Mum it is okay. I should have controlled my temper. I was at fault." I was in the wrong and deserved Dad's lecture.

"Well, we can't change anything now. We'll just have to wait and see what happens." she said to me.

"Can I be excused." I asked.

"Of course. Why don't you go have a snack and start your homework. I'm sure you have some." mum suggested.

"Okay."

I went to the kitchen, got a couple of cookies and a glass of milk. Choc chip cookies were my favourite and Esme always had some for me. Then I headed up to my room. I did have homework but I wasn't in the mood. I took out my MP3 player, put the headphones on and turned the sound up. Then I went and sat in my window but I could not relax.

My mind was still going over everything that had happened this morning. I could not get it out of my head. I did not want to think what the rest of my family would think of me when they got home. Jake would be an entirely different story. He would have said that Tom had it coming and that I did the right thing. Nothing I did was ever wrong in his eyes but he was not here.

I could not take it any longer. I climbed out of my window and took off. I headed for the river that cut through our land south of the house. If I went downstream it would take them a while to find me. Dad could only read my mind if I was in close and Alice did not see me. I knew I would not have long before they would start looking.

When I reached the river I let the current take me downstream. Dad would presume I headed upstream because my favourite place was at the foot of the mountains. We found it when we first moved here. We were exploring the boundaries of our land, Dad was making sure I knew where the animal reserve started. We came across a magical waterfall that was sixty feet high with a hidden cave. The surrounding wood hid the cave well and we could find no easy access if a hiker strayed from the trail. The wood was thick and green. A couple of trees had fallen creating a staircase for me to the cave. A human would not have been able to see the cave from the wood floor. The waterfall itself gave off the most beautiful rainbows I had ever seen. There was also a large rock in the middle of the river at the base of it. I liked to sit on it when the sun was bright watching the water sparkle.

So, I went downstream. Like all vampires I had a natural affinity for water. I did not get tired either. I let the river take me until I was off our land. There was a place downstream where Dad and I liked to camp and hunt. Even though I had had human food I was feeling the need to hunt. I needed to get rid of the anger I still had within me. It was a thinly wooded area with a couple of lush green meadows and a few streams that broke off the river itself. The main highway was only three miles from here but there was no marked vehicle access or hiking trails. We usually hunted elk here, they were always in good supply and it had been a month since we had been here last.

It took me about half an hour to reach it. When I got out of the water I could smell the elk close by. I took a deep breath checking for other smells. I was surprised to smell the delicious scent of human blood in the air. I froze. I listened carefully trying to hear where they were. They were close, about a mile east. Their scent was mouth watering. I held my breath and started running away just like Mum had taught me. I had run about three miles south when I stopped. I sniffed the air again. It was pure and clean, the wind was blowing their scent away from me.

My mind was racing. What was I doing? How could I let myself get into another situation that could have had consequences for my family? I took a couple of deep breaths and tried to clear my mind. The scent of human blood had made me extremely hungry. I let my senses go again, the thirst burning my throat. I found a herd of deer. I let my senses go even further. I could not smell or sense anything. Then I let my vampire instincts take over. The deer were not far from where I was. I arced around them getting downwind and slowly stalked my prey. It was a herd of stag. I needed a good chase to work off the anger. I got down in my hunting crouch and waited. They were approaching the stream that ran between us. It must have been their crossing. I let them pass. As the last stag crossed the stream I struck. It had no chance. I locked my arms around it and let my teeth sink into its neck. A warm fountain of blood ran down my throat easing the burn. It did not take long for the stag to stop its struggle. The fountain ran dry and the thirst returned. I threw the carcass away and let my senses search again. The herd had not scattered too far. I would be able to strike again. I came up behind them but instead of waiting silently I wanted the chase this time. I singled out a large stag with a gigantic rack of antlers. As soon as he sensed me he bounded away. I was after him in a flash. I enjoyed the thrill of the chase. He put up a good fight but his time was up. I caught him as he splashed through a stream. My arms locked around him and I fell silently to the ground. My sharp teeth making easy work of his skin and sinew. I was still hungry. So this time I chased. I stalked the one the furthest from me. It took time to catch him but this time the burned eased completely. I felt full. It had been just what I needed.

I washed my hands and face in the stream deciding whether to go back or not. I knew my family would be looking for me by now. Well they would find me eventually so I decided not to go back. I headed back to our campsite making sure the human scent was gone. It was not far from here. There was a rocky outcrop that I could sit on and dry off.

I must have fallen asleep in the warm sun because a snuffling sound woke me. When I looked around the sun was just setting.

"Jake?" It could not be, he was not back. He would have come to see me.

The snuffling stopped and I was surprised when Jake walked out of the trees in a pair of sweats. His cell to his ear.

"I found her. We'll be back soon," he hung up.

"Jake?" A smile spread across my face. "Jake! You came back."

I ran up to him as fast as I could. He held out his arms just like he used to and I jumped into them. I kissed him on the cheek and hugged him and hugged him and hugged him.

"I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," he laughed.

I was so happy. It was like a mysterious weight was lifted off my shoulders.

"When did you get back?"

"About an hour ago. I went to see you but you weren't there. Esme said your parents were looking for you, you'd run away."

"I am sorry," I looked down. I knew he would be disappointed.

"Nessie, we were so worried. What are you doing out here by yourself?"

"I needed some alone time. I really messed up today."

"But you should not have snuck out. There are a lot of hunters about," he tried to sound serious and angry but he did not succeed.

"I know, I came across a couple when I first started hunting. I did not search far enough to make sure I was alone," I admitted.

"Ness, what's happening with you? You're normally not this careless. Fighting at school, making basic errors whilst hunting."

"I do not know, I do not mean to be so much trouble."

"You know I won't get mad at you but your Dad might not be so forgiving."

"Well, I guess with my behaviour he has every right to be angry."

"We'd better head back otherwise your Dad will decide to come looking and that won't be pleasant." I sighed.

Jake went into the wood to phase and I waited for him. He came back and I jumped on his back. We headed for home. It did not take as long to get home as I wanted it to. Jake set me down just outside the edge of the woods then went and phased back to human. I could see Dad staring through the window as we approached and he was furious. Jake took my hand and we headed inside.

"Deep breaths, Ness." he whispered.

We had just gotten to the top of the steps when Dad yelled "Renesmee. Carlie. Cullen. Get in here now young lady."

Oh no! I thought this is going to be bad. He had never used my full name before. Jake let go of my hand. Dad was waiting for me in the lounge room. No one else was in sight. Not even Mum.

"What were you thinking. Your mother and I have been going out our minds."

"I am sorry," I was looking at the floor.

"Alice told you everything was going to be alright this morning. Naturally I got a phone call from Mrs Weaver advising me about other complaints against Tom. However you have been suspended for the remainder of the week. She could not condone your behaviour. It would set a bad example to the other students. You should be grateful it was only a week."

I snuck a look at him. His eyes were jet black with anger.

'Then you sneak out of the house. We had no idea where you had gone. We only knew you were outside my range, I could not hear you. It's hunting season. What do you think will happen if one of them catches you in the act of hunting?"

"Sorry," Was all I could manage to get out.

"You leave us no choice. You're grounded for the next fortnight. That means to and from school only. No shopping with Alice, no trips to the mall with your mother and no hunting with Jake."

I could feel the tears welling up but I was determined not to let them spill until I reached my room.

"Yes Dad," I kept my eyes on the ground in front of me.

"Well since you have obviously eaten, you can go to your room."

I trudged up the stairs and locked my door letting the tears finally spill over. Even though I had fallen asleep this afternoon I eventually cried myself to sleep.

When I went downstairs the next morning everyone had left. Mum and Jake were sitting on the sofa catching up. Mum looked up at me and smiled. I ran down the stairs and jumped into Jake's lap. He hugged me tightly.

"Morning sweetie," I leaned from Jake's lap to give Mum a hug and kiss.

"Morning Mum."

"Morning Ness," he pulled me back into his lap and kissed me on the cheek.

"_Good _morning Jake."

Mum and Jake laughed.

"Well you're in a surprisingly good mood considering everything that happened yesterday."

"Yep."

"Doesn't have anything to do with Jake being here does it?"

"Maybe," I said but my beaming smile gave me away.

They both laughed again.

"You know you're grounded."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, I know."

"So, I have a couple of errands to run so how about Jake stays here with you and you can catch up."

"Really. Jake can stay." The astonishment in my voice was evident.

"Yes, but you have to promise me you will not leave the house."

"I promise. Thanks Mum."

Mum gave me a kiss on the cheek and left leaving me and Jake alone."

"So Ness, what do you want to do?"

"Nothing. I want to hear about what you have been up to."

"Alright but first I want to talk to you about your behaviour yesterday."

"Jake, Dad has already grounded me over it."

"I know I want your version. I want to know what's going on."

I hesitated before I answered. I was not sure why I was acting the way I was. "I do not know what is going on Jake. I do not understand."

"What don't you understand."

"Why I am all over the place."

"Ness, your Mum, Dad and I talked to Carlisle last night about what's been happening. We think we have an explanation for your behaviour. How old do you think you are?"

"I am three and a half."

"No, in human years."

"About twelve maybe thirteen. But why does that matter?"

" Ness, you're growing so …."

"Oh, _oh_." I realised what he was trying to say.

"Mum should be having this conversation with me."

"It's okay Ness, I'm not going to go into it. That's one conversation I will let your mother handle," he grinned at me and I had to laugh.

"So are you going to tell me what you have been up to these last couple of months."

"Nothing really. I just needed to get away for a while."

"I am sorry about your Dad."

"I know."

"And?"

"And what?"

"So, where did you go?"

"No where in particular. Mostly I wandered through the woods near Denali. I stayed as a wolf for most of it. Just before I returned I called into see Tanya, Katie, Eleazar and Carmen. Garrett is still with them. They said to give you a kiss and tell you they miss you. Tanya was the one who convinced me to come back. She could tell I was still hurting and said I needed to be near my family. She said the pain would ease, I just needed to be patient."

"You did not call me."

"I know, I'm sorry but I was thinking of you the whole time. I really did miss you."

He kissed the top of my head and hugged me. I felt safe. This was my Jake. This was what had been missing.

"I brought you something back."

"What?"

He got a large box from off the floor next to him.

"Here you go."

I opened it up. There was lots of tissue paper. I took the top layer off. There were six individually wrapped presents. I took one out carefully and unwrapped it. It was a solid glass rectangle that had the edges rounded. A crystal. When I held it up to the light I could see a wolf etched into it. I was speechless. The wolf was laying on its stomach with it's head between it's front paws. I put it carefully on the box lid and opened another one. It was another wolf but this one was sitting up. The third was a running wolf. The details were unbelievable. The other three presents were all the same shape and when I opened one I looked at Jake in confusion.

"What is this?"

"It's a light stand. You sit the crystal on it and it light's it up."

He closed the curtains making it dark in the room. He took the stand from me, plugged it into the socket and turned it on. It had four small globes in it and they took turns lighting up. Then he took a crystal and put it on the stand. I stared in awe. It was the most stunning thing I had ever seen in my short life. More beautiful than mum's face on a sunny day. The rotating light came up from underneath the crystal putting images of the wolf on the walls. We set all three up and I sat there watching them rotate around the room.

"They are beautiful."

"Just like you," he kissed the top of my head again.

We sat there watching the wolves on the walls. Time meant nothing. Before we knew it Mum returned home.

"Oh, they're pretty," Mum said looking at the crystals.

"Jake got them for me," I responded proudly.

"Don't spoil her too much," she warned Jake.

"I won't," he chuckled.

"What else did you do?"

"Nothing, since I am not allowed to leave the house, we just sat here watching the wolves on the walls."

"So Jake, what are you up to this afternoon?"

"I was going to head to La Push to catch up with the pack," he was watching for my reaction out of the corner of his eye.

"No, you just got back!" I cried as I jumped off his lap and faced him..

"Renesmee, Jake will be back in a few days. Be thankful he called here first to see you."

It was not fair. He just got back and now he was going to leave again. I stood there pouting.

"Is Carlisle at the hospital today?" Jake asked Mum

"Yes, he'll be there until five."

"Okay, I need to talk with him and then I'll head off."

"Do you have to go today?" I asked

"Well, the sooner I go the sooner I can come back. Besides you're grounded so we can't do anything fun outside."

I did not like it but I knew it was true.

"Do I get a goodbye hug?" He stood up to leave.

"Alright." I said resigned.

I jumped into his arms giving the biggest bear hug I could.

"Miss you already."

"Miss you already too," he whispered in my ear and then put me down.

"I'll talk to you later Bella."

"Okay. Say hi to everyone for me."

"No probs," then he left.


	4. Chapter 4

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me. ****No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 4 - Almost Grown**

When Jake got back a couple of days later I found out he had gone to the hospital to speak with Carlisle. It was agreed that he would move to Lebanon with us. To our surprise Seth and Embry moved too. Seth said that his Mum, Sue, spent most of her time with Grandpa Charlie anyway so he would not be missed. Embry was happy he would not have to sneak out and get yelled at by his Mum. She still did not know he was a wolf. Quil stayed on the reservation, he could not leave Claire and Leah was attending the local community college so she would stay in La Push too. She would move when her course finished. Carlisle helped find them a 'bachelor pad' as he put it. It was close enough to our house that they came and visited all the time. Jake, Seth and Embry were doing a mechanics course at the local college so they could open their own mechanic shop. I was happy again now that Jake was back in my life.

As Christmas approached my growth started slowing dramatically but I had still grown so much Mum and Dad made me move schools. So I start Lebanon Senior High as a freshman after Christmas. The few friends I had managed to make since starting school at the beginning of the school year including Ben were still in junior high. I found it even harder to fit in at my new school but I was well advanced academically so I decided to concentrate on my school work. I was a straight A student.

I was glad when summer break came around, it had been a long year and I was glad it was behind me. The family decided all of us would go on holiday together so we headed to Denali. Jake, Seth and Embry came with us. We spent a month with our cousins hunting and hanging out before Jake, Seth, Embry and I headed to Forks so I could spend a month with Grandpa Charlie. I could tell he was always surprised by how much I had grown but we could not tell him the truth. It would put him in too much danger.

I loved staying with him. He took a week off and we went camping and fishing. For the rest of the month I stayed at his house of a night and on the weekends but spent the weekdays at the reservation with Jake and the wolf packs whilst he worked. Jake taught me how to drive in an old beat up car he put together out of second hand and spare parts. We drove around the reservation since I did not have a permit plus Grandpa would get mad at him if he knew what we were doing. I also went cliff diving for the first time. Jake would not let me jump off the top platform but it was still a rush from the lower one. Emily, Kim and Rachel thought I was mad. They would not try it. The time went too quickly and I did not want to go home. Seth and Embry stayed a couple of weeks longer.

When Jake and I got back, Rosalie and Alice took me to Portland clothes shopping for the start of the school year.

"More clothes?" Mum complained when we returned.

"Bella, she needs to look her age, the clothes she has are too young for her," was Rosalie's explanation.

"Rosalie, she has enough clothes for her age to wear for the next three years with some to spare."

"Just because when you get dressed you close your eyes and put on the first things your hands touch doesn't mean Nessie has to." she teased mum.

"Rosalie, when are you going to let her develop her own style. Have you ever thought she may not want you to pick everything out for her?"

"Nessie made the final selections herself. She has way better style than you ever will." Rosalie laughed at Mum mockingly.

"Fine but you need to clean out her wardrobe and take the excess to the charity bin tonight." She snapped. And with that she let us alone.

School started a couple of weeks later. It was much the same as the end of last year. Most people avoided me. I did make friends with Lucy and Tiana who were in my music class but I just did not trust myself to let them get too close. I did not want to mess up again. Carlisle did some tests and decided it was time to celebrate my sixteenth birthday this year. Everyone was worried because Nahuel had said he had reached maturity when he was about seven years old give or take a few months, I was only five and about to turn sixteen. He had not said how quickly his sisters had matured. We also did not know at what age I would stop aging - sixteen, seventeen, twenty.

The morning of my actual birthday I was awoken by a loud chorus of 'Happy Birthday' by my family. They dragged me out of my bed to give me my presents. I did not even have the chance to get dressed. As soon as I stood was up Alice put her hands over my eyes and led me from my bed

"Surprise." her and Rosalie shouted. When she removed her hands I was standing in front of my closet. Taped to the door was an envelope card with my name on it. I took it off and opened it. Inside was a credit card with my name on it.

"My own credit card?" I asked amazed. It made me realise I was now mature enough in my family's eyes to be responsible for my own purchases."

"Thanks."

"Well open the door." I looked at Rosalie confused so she opened it for me.

"It's from all four of us. The guys redesigned the interior whilst Rosalie and I bought the clothes, shoes and bags." Alice advised me.

There were rows and rows of linen bags hanging on racks. They had gotten me a whole new closet of clothes. It had been modernised with new shelves and hanging racks. I had so many clothes I did not need anything.

"Now that you're officially sixteen you need to look your age not like a little girl." Alice said looking at me in my pyjamas.

"But we bought new clothes before the start of school." I remember that Mum had said I had too many as it was. I was not sure how she would react to the new closet.

"You can never have too many clothes Ness besides we knew _you_ would appreciate them." Alice said looking at Mum. I snuck a look at Mum who was shaking her head in disbelief. Everyone laughed.

Next it was Carlisle and Esme's turn. This time Esme covered my eyes and led me downstairs.

"Happy Birthday Ness."

When she uncovered them in front of me was a brand new white baby grand piano. I had taken after Dad in the music department. I loved playing and was well on the way to matching Dad's standards. Now I did not have to go to the main house to play and neither would Dad.

"WOW, thanks."

I hugged them both.

"Our turn." Mum said excitedly. She did not like surprises but she knew I did.

She covered my eyes and Dad took my hand. I could tell they were leading me outside.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

"Ready sweetie?" I could hear the excitement in their voices.

"Yep, do your worst."

She uncovered my eyes. My jaw dropped. Sitting in the driveway was a brand new deep purple Ferrari.

"Oh My God! A Ferrari!" I squealed.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you." I hugged and kissed Mum and Dad enthusiastically and then raced down the drive to check it out. It had dark tinted windows and a black leather interior. The stereo system was mad. Emmett showed me how to use it. I was sure Dad would disable to so that I could concentrate on driving.

"Can we take it for a spin?"

"Ah sweetie, you might want to get dressed first." Dad laughed looking at my pyjamas.

"Wait here." My whole family laughed at my exit.

I raced inside and got dressed in a pair of my new designer jeans that fit perfectly and a pale green blouse.

"Well at least someone knows how to use their closet." Alice said approvingly when I raced back outside.

"Okay, I am ready." I said sliding to a halt in front of dad.

"Alright, Let's go." Dad turned towards the car.

I knew how to drive but I did not have a permit yet. Jake had taught me during summer break when we went to Forks to visit Grandpa Charlie. I'd driven around the reservation. Now I was legally old enough I had a reason to get mine.

Dad jumped in the drivers seat and I got in the passenger side.

"Where to?" he asked.

"I do not mind. Open her up." I suggested.

He laughed at my enthusiasm.

"I'll see what I can do."

Dad reversed out of the driveway and took off. We headed for the interstate. Once we got on it he hit the accelerator. Dad hit speeds over one hundred miles an hour. It was exhilarating. The trees and scenery blurred by. The ride was so smooth you did not feel the speed. I could really see me loving my new car. We'd been driving for about a half an hour when he turned around. It was a slow trip home and I was getting frustrated. When I looked behind to see why Dad was going so slow I saw a police car following us.

"Finally." he sighed.

The police car had turned off. I laughed and he hit the accelerator again. By the time we got back Jake was there. Dad pulled in and we both got out.

"Morning Jacob." dad called.

"Edward."

"I'll see you inside. Happy Birthday sweetie." Dad kissed my cheek and headed towards the door.

"Hey Jake." I could not take the smile off my face. I was so happy.

"Nice ride." he said eyeing my new car.

"I know. Mum and Dad gave it to me."

"Happy Birthday." He gave me a kiss on the cheek and a bear hug and then held out his hand.

"Cool, another present."

He held a small blue box that was dwarfed by the size of his hand. I carefully opened it. Inside were a pair of gold earrings. When I was five I saw Rosalie change her ear rings to match her outfit and wanted my own ears pierced. Mum said it was impossible because I had impregnable skin like her and Dad. Vampire skin. She said the only thing that could cut through it was vampire teeth. I cried and cried because I wanted to have ear rings like everyone else. It was also about this time I started to lose my milk teeth. Rosalie came up with an idea then. What if they used my baby teeth to put holes in my ears. They were razor sharp and they cut through skin and sinew so why would they not they pierce my skin too. Mum had bought me tiny gold posts in case it worked. They chiselled one down so it was like a needle and tried. It worked, it put holes in my ears.

"Jake, they are beautiful."

"They match your locket."

I kissed him on the cheek.

"Help me put them on?"

"Sure."

I took off the tiny gold posts that I had always worn and Jake put the new earrings carefully into the holes.

"Very nice."

"Thank you. You up for some breakfast?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Have I ever turned it down?" A grin crossed his face as he answered.

I laughed. Jake took my hand and we headed inside. When we entered my family was sitting around talking. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Dad raise an eyebrow at Jake. Jake shook his head.

"What was that about?"

"Nothing." Jake said absentmindedly. "Let's eat, I'm hungry."

"You are always hungry." I laughed pulling him into the kitchen.

I stopped dead absolutely stunned and Jake ran into me.

"Ouch!."

"Sorry Ness."

Alice and Esme had outdone themselves.

"I hope Seth and Embry are coming over too."

I was not going to go hungry today that was for sure. Dishes covered the table filled with eggs, sausages, bacon, hash browns, muffins and toast.

"So where do we start?" he asked.

"Eggs."

"Dumb question eh." He was piling food onto the plate in front of him.

Just then Seth and Embry came in.

"Hey Ness. Hey Jake."

"Happy Birthday."

"Excellent, food." Seth comment salivating as he looked at all the food.

They sat down and helped themselves.

"So who owns the Ferrari out front?" He indicated with a jerk of his head towards the door.

"Me."

"Taken it for a spin yet?" he asked.

"I wish. Dad took me. I still do not have a permit"

"That's too bad."

"Tell me about it. At least I will be able to now that I am sixteen."

"So, what are we doing today?" Embry asked.

"Nessie's choice." Jake replied.

"Actually my family has plans already. They are taking me to Mt Rainier for the weekend. Your welcome to come too."

"Are you sure Nessie, we don't want to intrude." Jake said but I could tell he was hurt that he had not already been asked.

"Jake, you guys are family you would not be intruding."

A smile crossed his face. "Okay count me in."

"Me too." Seth said as he piled food into his mouth.

"And me." Embry grabbed the juice and poured us all drinks.

"Excellent." I was happy they were all coming.

"Here is to the best birthday ever." I raised my glass in a toast.

That weekend was one of the happiest of my life. Jake and the pack spent the majority of the time as wolves. We had an absolute ball hunting mountain lions and grizzlies. Emmett was in his element - grizzlies were his favourite. It was the perfect birthday present.


	5. Chapter 5

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.** **No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 5 - The Concert**

Time after my birthday seemed to drag. We had a family party for Halloween but this year as I was older it did not have the same excitement and energy as last year when Jake had taken me trick or treating. I think the party was just an excuse so Alice could decorate the house.

I spent most of my time hanging out the Jake whilst he worked on a new car he was building. I would go traipsing around the auto parts yards with him. I knew a bit about cars now so I was able to help him find parts.

We celebrated Christmas but it was not the fanfare that other families made it. I got some presents but they were small things - CD's, DVD's, jewellery. Jake got me three new wooden wolf figurines. They were hand carved with intricate details. I was starting to run out of places to put them. Emmett and Jasper got me four tickets to the Muse concert at the end of the April.

"So who are the extra tickets for? You guys?" I laughed.

"No, we already have tickets. We thought you might like to ask Jake, Seth and Embry. Make it a family affair."

"I will. Thanks guys."

Everyone went back to college and I went back to school. Jake, Seth and Embry continued their mechanics course and I concentrated on my school work. I was finding it easier to keep up the façade. Lucy, Tiana and I went to the movies and I stayed over at their houses on the weekends but I never got up the courage to invite them to see our house.

The afternoon of the concert I was upstairs getting dressed but I just could not seem to find the right outfit. Everyone was downstairs waiting for me.

"Rosalie! Alice! I need help." I called in a panic.

"Rosalie has already left. Just a sec Ness." Alice replied.

'What's up?" Alice came running into the room "Oh."

She looked over me. I had on a pair of red leather pants and a backless white shirt. I looked trashy. No matter what outfit I tried on it was wrong.

"I can not seem to find the right outfit."

"Ness, take a deep breath and put this on."

She threw a black top with spaghetti straps and white jeans at me. I got dressed quickly.

"Put these on."

A pair of black leather ankle boots landed at my feet. I put them on too.

"And this."

This time it was a knee length black leather jacket.

"Come here, let me fix your hair."

I had finally convinced Mum and Alice to allow me to get it cut. I wanted it short but they wanted it long so we came to a compromise. I got it cut to just on my shoulder blades. Tonight Alice had it in a couple of hair combs with the rest flowing naturally down my back.

"Thanks Alice, you are a life saver."

"No problems Ness, you're so much more fun than your Mum when it comes to dressing up."

"So, how do I look?"

"Absolutely stunning. I think you're going to get more attention than your parents will like tonight and not just from the guys in this family."

Alice lost her focus for a second.

"Yep, definitely too much attention."

"Alice, stop, you are embarrassing me. Anyway I thought you could not see my future."

"I can't but I do see your mum's and Dad's. Your dad is going to have to chase them away." she laughed. "Let's go, the others will be waiting."

We headed downstairs. Emmett wolf whistled just as we got to the bottom. Dad backhanded him and he went flying across the room.

"Hey, I can't help it if your daughter looks _hot._" He was laughing hard now.

"Better not let Rose hear you say that." Alice shot at him.

"Man Ness, when did you grow up." Seth and Embry said at the same time.

"Told you so." Alice whispered in my ear.

"Enough ogling of my daughter. Let's go before we miss the concert."

"With the way you drive Edward, there's no chance of that." Alice laughed.

"Actually I'm not driving tonight, Ness is." Dad said with a proud grin across his face.

"My little girl got her licence today."

"I think I'll go with Bella then. She may drive slow but at least we'll get there in one piece." Emmett said teasingly.

"Have a nice walk, she's already left." Dad laughed back.

"So, just you, me and Alice then Dad. Emmett can take Seth and Embry."

"Sounds like a plan. Let's go."

"Emmett we'll meet you there we need to make a stop on the way."

"Alright. Hope you don't miss too much." The three guys were laughing hard on their way out the door.

"Where do we have to stop?"

"We have to pick Jake up."

"Okay. Let's go or we will miss the start. I have a drive slow remember."

Dad and Alice laughed but headed out the door to my car.

Driving my car was the best. Even though Dad made me obey the speed limit it was still the most awesome feeling ever. I pulled up out the front of Jake's. As I was getting out of the car I heard Dad chuckle, whisper something to Alice and then Alice's giggle. Obviously Dad had heard something he thought was funny. I headed inside to get Jake. Dad and Alice waited in the car.

"Hey Jake you ready?"

"Just a sec, I can't find my other…." When he saw me he stopped mid sentence and stared at me.

"What?" I looked down to see if I had anything on my clothes feeling very self conscious. When I looked back to him unable to find anything he was still staring.

His eyes had an intensity in them that I had not seen before. It sent butterflies through my stomach but I did not know why.

"Ah Jake."

"Huh, I'm sorry I did not mean to stare but you took me by surprise."

"What is it you can not find?"

"My other shoe."

I helped him find his shoe which was under the lounge. As we headed to the car he grabbed my hand and stopped me.

"You look beautiful tonight. Very grown up." he whispered.

I did not know how to respond. I was confused by the response my body had to the comment.

"Thanks." Was all I could manage. So I smiled up at him. His eyes were still filled with emotion.

When I got in the drivers side Alice leaned forward and whispered, "You okay?" in my ear. She must have seen the confused look on my face. I just nodded.

We headed for the concert. Of course with my driving we got there with just a few minutes to spare. Everyone was waiting for us at the main entrance.

"Well look who decided to finally grace us with their presence. A turtle could have walked faster."

"Enough Emmett. Leave Nessie alone." Rosalie snapped.

Everyone looked around in surprise. Rosalie usually went along with Emmett and his wise cracks. Dad frowned obviously seeing what had set Rosalie off.

"Ready for your first concert sweetie." Mum asked.

"Yep."

"Let's go." Dad said taking my hand.

The concert was amazing. The music, the light show, the atmosphere. As Alice had predicted I got unwanted attention from a few of the males at the concert. Dad had growled at them and I laughed when they walked away surprised and frightened. Mum and Dad were being overprotective. I needed a bathroom break so when Jake said he was getting a drink I went with him. He took my hand and pulled me along after him. Jake was so big the crowd parted for us as we made our way through. A couple of people stared at the sheer size of him. I had to admit his size was intimidating.

When we went through the doors on the edge of the stadium I was surprised at the lack of noise. I could hear myself think again. I did not realise just how loud it had been.

"Where is the bathroom at?"

Jake pointed to a corridor on the left.

"Down there. I'll meet you back here in five minutes."

I headed toward the corridor he pointed at. There were people everywhere. I was careful not to push too hard against them as I made my way through. I had to be careful but not as careful as the rest of the family. I was not anywhere near as strong as they were but I could still break a bone or two if I was not careful.

I reached the door to the bathroom and went in. It was surprisingly empty considering the people about. Then I heard someone struggling in one of the cubicles.

"Stop. Please stop." A young girl was crying and very frightened.

"Shut up you filthy piece of trash. This won't take long." An angry male voice yelled.

He was over the top of the girl and I could see her struggling. I was horrified. I understood immediately what was happening to this girl. I knew it was wrong and that I had to do something to help her.

"Leave her alone." I yelled at him.

"Stay out of this you bitch or you'll be next."

I let out a low growl and curled my lip at him.

"Ooh, scary." he mocked.

"Help me please." a tiny voice was pleading.

"Scarier than you think."

The young girl swiped at him as he lost focus on her. She raked her hand down the side of his face.

"You'll pay for that." He screamed and then hit her across the face.

I could smell the blood running from his wound. It was mouth watering. I had not been hunting for just on a week and the ache for blood was there. The smell of this blood burned at the back of my throat. I did not stop to think. My instincts took over. He never had a chance. I pulled him off the girl and she pulled herself away. He tried to pull me off but he was just no match for my strength. As my teeth sunk into his neck I felt his bones breaking beneath me.

"Hey Ness, what's taking so long?" Jake called from the other side of the door.

I did not answer. I could not.


	6. Chapter 6

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.** **No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 6 - What have I done?**

"Daddy, help me." I cried silently.

I looked at the guy at my feet. I knew he was dead. I'd drained him. Once I tasted the first drop that was it. The blood was ecstasy flowing down my burning throat. Nothing compared to the taste of human blood. Mum and Dad had insisted I change from donated human blood to animal blood.

As I got older and drank more blood the supply was harder to keep up. Carlisle could only get so much before questions would start being asked. So I went hunting with them more often and gradually the donated human blood was completely replaced with animal. I still felt the thirst like everyone else in my family and the scent of human blood was hard to resist.

I could feel the human blood racing through my system. It was pumping in time to the music coming from the stadium. Electrifying. Everything was heightened. My sense of smell, my hearing. I was buzzing.

Slowly I looked up from my unexpected meal. He was not my problem. It was the girl that was looking at me terrified across the bathroom. She had seen everything. I did not want to kill her too but what choice did I have. The smell of her blood ached in the back of my throat. She would be able to give the police a description of me. She knew what I looked like.

'What am I going to do?' I thought to myself but the temptation of the girl was becoming too much. I had put my family in so much danger already in my short life and now this was really going to put pressure on them.

"Ness, honey please. Answer me." Jake was pleading.

"Edward, what's going on?" Jake said surprised.

Dad entered with Mum and Alice. He came over and put him arms in a clamp around me. Mum and Alice stopped dead. Alice was looking at the dead guy at my feet. mum's eyes shifted to the terrified girl. Her shirt and skirt were ripped and she had bruises on her face where she'd been hit. Tears were streaming down her face.

"Renesmee, what happened?" Mum asked her voice coloured with shock.

Dad already knew. He'd seen everything.

"Hold your breath sweetie, it will help." he said quietly.

The lust for the blood of the girl was making me strain against him and I let out another low growl. In an instant Mum and Alice were in front of me. Dad tightened his hold.

"Nessie walked in on a rape. When she distracted the guy the girl raked her fingers down his face. The smell of fresh blood was too tempting." he explained.

"We need to get her out of here." Mum said.

"We'll have to take the girl and the body too." Alice commented.

"Alice, do you see anything?" dad asked.

"I can't see with Jake or Renesmee around but I'll try." It went quiet whilst Alice searched.

"Edward, please what's going on?" Jake interrupted the silence.

"Jake. Keep everyone out. I'll explain in a minute."

"We need to get out of here someone has told security about Jake blocking the bathroom doors and they're heading this way." Dad said obviously hearing the thoughts of those around.

"The security cameras. We need to get the security tapes." Alice said coming out of her trance.

"We have to go they're almost here." Dad said with urgency.

Everything went blurry then as they made a swift exit and took me out of temptations reach. When we got to the cars I remember a heated conversation as they re-arranged the trip home. Jake was arguing with Dad, he wanted to stay with me. Dad won the argument when Alice stepped in and said Jake needed to stay here to protect me. The tapes were the most important thing. Alice drove my car while Dad sat in the back with me, his hold not letting up until we hit the highway. Mum came with us too. Rosalie took the girl with Seth and Embry in Mum's car. Emmett put the dead guy in his boot but did not follow straight away. Jake and Jasper stayed with him.

Once I was out in the fresh air and finally got the thirst and myself under control, the realisation of what I had done set in. I had killed someone. I had fed on a human.

"I am so sorry." I cried. The sobbing got worse and worse as the shame and disgust hit me.

"Ness, honey, it's okay. It's going to be alright." Dad tried to reassure me.

"But….but I killed…. in public." I sobbed.

"Shh, honey."

It did not take very long for us to get to the main house. Dad took me inside still wrapped in his arms. Mum right beside him. My sobbing had not gotten any better. Dad sat me on the lounge between them and passed me to mum. Mum wrapped her arms around me.

"Shh, Sweetie. Shh." She rubbed my back and arms trying to comfort me.

The shudders from my crying were easing. I did not look around. I could not. I was so disappointed and disgusted in myself. The others arrived not long after. Rosalie and Esme went to look after the girl who was still in mum's car. Seth and Embry joined us in the lounge room.

"Edward, what happened?" Carlisle asked Dad.

"Nessie walked in on a rape. She interrupted the guy and the girl scratched him. The blood set her off."

"The girl is downstairs?"

Dad nodded.

"I wasn't sure what to do with her. She saw everything."

"I need to check her over. Give me a minute."

Carlisle went downstairs.

"Alice, have you seen anything else?" Mum asked this time.

"It keeps changing. A visit from the police. The girl not talking. Us moving. The girl in hospital. A decision still needs to be made."

Carlisle returned then.

"How's the girl doing?" Mum asked.

"She is traumatised and very frightened. I have given her something to calm her down. That said she really should go to a hospital."

"Carlisle, what are we going to do?" Dad asked.

Carlisle did not get the chance to answer.

"We'll be moving to Astoria." Alice said "A decision has been made."

"Why Alice? What decision?"

Her face went blank again while she searched.

"The guys. They got all the tapes but there is a hidden camera. They'll find it but it's too late. It has a live feed. Security don't know about it. Someone has been spying on the women in the actual bathroom."

"Can we get hold of it and destroy it?"

"No. It's being sent to the police as we speak. Luckily for us it doesn't show Nessie's face. It was aimed for the cubicle next to where the girl was."

"So why will we have to move?"

"A few people are going to be able to give the police a rough description but they don't work out it's her because the tapes are missing. We move because I see a girl recognising her in the street a few weeks from now and notifying the police. If we stay nothing will stop them from arresting her."

"I am so sorry." I cried. Fresh tears flowing now that I knew the danger I put them in.

"Alice, what about the girl? Do we have a problem if we take her to the hospital?" dad asked.

"She's so traumatised she won't be able to give the police a clear description."

"Alright. Carlisle can you get Rosalie and Esme to take her?"

"Sure."

"Tell them just to drop her off and point her in the right direction. If they go in the police will work it out." Alice called after him.

Dad's phone vibrated.

"Emmett said they've got the tapes and are in the process of dumping the body. They won't be long."

"Alice, how long do we have before we move?" Mum asked.

"Two weeks at most. The longer we stay the more dangerous it will become. The more likely Nessie will be recognised." she said as she disappeared up the stairs.

"What if you guys stayed here and we went back to Forks for a while. Will that help us out?"

"Bella, what are you thinking?" Dad asked.

"Well if we go to Forks for a month and let things settle down here it would raise less suspicion than if the whole family just up and left. You guys have finals coming up. Edward can travel back and forth to do his. Carlisle and Esme can take their time organising a house big enough for us all. We could all start school again at the start of the new school year."

"I'll organise the storage people to have our stuff ready in two days." Alice called from upstairs.

"I guess it's decided then." Mum laughed.

I was sitting in my room at the main house when Emmett arrived with Jake and Jasper. I heard Emmett tell Dad they had weighted the body and dumped it in the river on the other side of town. The tapes were in the jeep ready to be destroyed. Jake asked Dad where I was and a few seconds later there was a quiet knock on my door.

"Come in Jake."

I sat there staring out the window. My head was spinning with guilt and remorse for my actions. I did not want him to tell me I did nothing wrong like he always did. Nothing was ever my fault. I could do no wrong in his eyes. Well this time I was going to take responsibility. I wanted to see disappointment in his eyes at my behaviour. I deserved everything that happened to me for my poor decision.

"Nessie, it's not…" he started to say as he crossed the room but I cut him off.

"Jake don't." I snapped at him and he stopped dead. Surprise flashed across his face. "Do not tell me it is not my fault, that I did nothing wrong. I do not want you to be nice to me. I want you to be angry, disappointed, disgusted. Anything. Just do not act like I did nothing wrong. I. Killed. Someone." I screamed at him.

He was taken aback at my tone but I did not care. I did not want to be handled with kid gloves, or a porcelain doll that would be broken if dropped. I did the wrong thing.

When he did not say anything I continued. "Do you not realise I have put the whole family in danger."

"Ness, Alice said everything will work out. Please trust her."

"I do trust her but you are missing the point."

"What am I missing?"

"We are moving back to Forks for a month while Carlisle and Esme find a new house for us. We are going to the one place that will be more dangerous for us than anywhere else."

"What are you saying? Why is Forks dangerous?"

"It is dangerous because Sam and his pack are there."

"Nessie I still do not understand. What about Sam and his pack?"

"Does no one else grasp this. Has it not crossed anyone's mind?"

"What?"

"What I did tonight. I fed off a human. I… broke… the… treaty." I said the last few words slowly so that it could sink in but my voice cracked on the last one.

He looked at me stunned. The blood draining from his face.

"I have put a death sentence on my family." I managed to get out in a whisper.

I was not prepared for the gasps from downstairs as my family heard what I said. The next second they were in my room too. Jake had not moved, his expression had not changed.

"Renesmee. No it's alright, you haven't….." Mum started to say.

"Stop!" I yelled. "Stop saying I have not done anything wrong. I have broken the treaty. I fed off a human. I killed someone."

"Nessie, Sam won't know. My pack won't tell him." Jake said coming around when I yelled at Mum.

"It does not matter if your pack tells him or not. It will not make any difference." I said looking directly at Jake.

"Ness. No. Don't. Don't do it." he was looking at me with horror on his face.

"Do what? What is she talking about?" Mum asked Jake.

"Ness is going to tell Sam." Jake replied to mum.

Gasps came from around the room.

"Don't put yourself through this."

I looked directly at Jake.

"It does not matter." I took a deep breath. "It does not matter because I have already told him." I said defiantly. "I could not live with this. I could not live knowing I broke the treaty."

Shock crossed Jake's face like I had hit him.

"No. Ness. No." The anguish in his voice was almost unbearable.

"When?" Dad asked. Clearly taken by surprise.

"When I came upstairs I put my headphones on, turned the music up and started singing. I knew you would be listening so I could not ring, I sent Sam a text message instead."

"What did you tell him?"

I showed Dad the message I had sent.

_Sam, I need you to know I broke the treaty._

_I fed off a human tonight. I'm sorry. Please _

_do not hurt my family. I'm the one who did _

_it. Let me know where to meet you. Nessie._

Dad left the room, his cell already to his ear.

"Renesmee, what have you done." Mum whispered.

"I have to go." Jake stated and left. When he got downstairs he called to Seth and Embry to follow him. There was no doubt in my mind he was going to talk to Sam too.

Everyone started talking at once. Alice was trying to see what was going to happen but because it involved the wolves she could not see anything. Emmett was excited about the possibility of a fight.

"I thought life was exciting when you were human Bella but I think Nessie beats you hands down for this one."

"Emmett please." Mum said. "Don't you have somewhere else to be?"

"No Bella, this is much more exciting."

"Well I suggest you find something, I might not hit you but Edward will."

"Go have your conversations elsewhere. Leave me alone." I snapped at everyone. I wanted to be alone. They all left.

I had made my decision and not Jake or Dad were going to change my mind. They could plot and scheme with Sam but I was going to face whatever punishment the wolves felt was necessary and I was going to do it before Sam had his mind changed. I just had to figure out a way and fast.

My cell vibrated. A text message. It was from Sam.

_Nessie, Treaty not broken. Nothing_

_to talk about. Sam._

Damn, they had gotten to him already. Now I was really angry. No one would let me make a mistake. Well I would show them just how much I could fight. I replied to Sam's message.

_Sam, That is a load of bull and you know it._

_I do not care what my Dad said to you. You _

_know I broke it. I will see you tomorrow night._

_I just need to organise a flight. Ness._

I hit the send button. Now I just needed to organise a flight so I rang the airline.

"Yes, I would like to organise a seat from Manchester, New Hampshire to Seattle, Washington and a connecting flight to Port Angeles. When is the next available flight?"

"Tomorrow at 9:20am with the connecting flight arriving in Port Angeles at 5pm"

"Great, I will take it."

"1st class, business or economy?"

"Business."

"How many?"

"One."

"Name?"

"Renesmee Cullen"

"How are you paying?"

"VISA."

"Number?"

"5848 2394 5803 0184 expiry 0211"

"Thank you. Your receipt number is 403295. Have a nice flight."

I hung up and felt better. I would be in La Push tomorrow night.

My cell rang. I looked to see who it was. It was Jake.

"Hey, Jake."

"Ness, what do you think you are doing?" He was furious. "Sam just rang me and said you're flying out."

"Yes, I have a flight for tomorrow." I responded.

"Why are you being suicidal?"

Now I got angry. Suicidal? Who did he think I was?

"I am not. I am being honest to myself." I spat at him and hung up.


	7. Chapter 7

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.** **No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 7 - Responsibility**

It was going to be a long night. I had to work out how to get out of the house. I would need to be inventive and I was getting tired. It had been a long day and nothing I could come up with would see my parents let me leave the house. I decided to sleep on it and see what tomorrow would bring.

I woke early, the sun was just coming up. I had not slept well. Images of the guy and girl swirled around in my head. I got up and showered. I put on a pair of dark blue jeans and a black t-shirt and braided my hair. I packed a bag of clothes for a couple of days and left it on my bed. The morning had shone no light on how I was going to get out of the house, so I would have to play it by ear. I headed downstairs. Mum was the only one there. The house was oddly empty. I wondered where everyone was but did not ask.

"Morning Mum."

"Morning sweetie. You're up and about early."

"Am I? I feel plenty rested." I lied innocently.

"Do want some breakfast?"

"No thank you, I am not hungry."

"So, what are you up today?"

"That depends. Am I in trouble for last night or am I allowed out?"

"You're not grounded if that's what you mean." I nodded.

"Where is Dad?"

"I'm out here Nessie." Dad called from the porch.

I headed out to say hello.

"Morning Dad."

"Morning. So do you want me to drive you to the airport?" I did a double take. I did not expect it to be this easy. He must have talked to Sam and decided there was no reason for me not to go. I would be safe.

"You are not going to stop me?"

"No. Your Mum and I will follow in a couple of days."

"Thank you but I will drive myself."

"Alright. What time is you flight?"

"Dad, you already know, it is 9:20." I grinned.

"Sure, I can't change your mind?"

"No Dad, it is something I need to do."

"There will be a car waiting for you when you arrive in Port Angeles. I'll get Alice to follow me later and we'll pick your car up. Leave it in the short term parking lot."

"Okay. Thanks Dad."

'Make sure you say bye to Mum before you leave. Love you sweetie."

"Love you too Dad." I gave him a kiss and hug and went inside to goodbye to Mum.

She was waiting for me.

"Have a nice flight and ring me when you get there."

"I will Mum. I will see you in a couple of days. Love you."

"Love you too." She pulled me in close and hugged me then gave me a kiss on my cheek.

I could tell she was not happy with Dad for letting me go, that's why he was outside. I went upstairs to get the bag I had packed and then headed off.

The airport was just over an hours drive. When I arrived I found the short term parking. I had just pulled in to an empty space when I realised Dad would have a plan. He let me leave too easily but he knew how important this was to me. I was therefore unsurprised when I saw Jake waiting at the check-in counter. I decided I was going to ignore him. I did not want to speak to him yet. He would just try to talk me out of going anyway.

"Morning Ness." He had a smile on his face but it was too bright for the situation. It was almost smug.

"Jake." I answered tersely.

"Still determined to go?"

When I did not answer he continued.

"You won't get what you want. Your Dad has this already sorted and the treaty is still in tact."

Just as I suspected, Dad had gotten to Sam. I listened but still did not answer.

"Next." the lady behind the check-in counter called. I walked forward leaving Jake standing there.

"Hi, I have reservation for Renesmee Cullen."

"Yes, it's all paid. Just put your bag on the conveyor belt." I did what she asked.

"Thank you. Have a nice flight." she said handing me my boarding pass.

I took the pass and headed for the departure gates not waiting to see if Jake followed. There was still twenty minutes before my flight would be called so I went to the bathroom and freshened up. When I exited Jake was there waiting.

I headed for the bookstore next to get something to read on the plane. The kids at school were talking about a series by Anne McCaffrey - The Dragons of Pern so I decided I would try and get a couple. I usually did not go for those sort of books, I liked the classics like Shakespeare and Jane Austen but it had my curiosity piqued. The bookstore had the whole series. The books weren't very thick so I got three of them. If I got through them on the flight and liked them I would get some more when I got to Seattle whilst I waited on the connecting flight to Port Angeles.

I went to sit in the departure lounge. I took my MP3 player out and put the headphones in and sat there listening to music waiting on the boarding call. Waiting was making me impatient and I started to tap my foot. Jake laughed. Finally the call came over for us to board.

The flight went smoothly. The books were awesome. It took me a little while to get into the first one but once I worked out the characters they were really well written. There was something about the bond between the dragons and their riders that reminded me of Sam and Emily but I could not put my finger what _it _might be. It was like the books were telling me some vital information but I was missing the point of it. Jake was oddly quiet the whole trip and said nothing until we arrived in Seattle. Even when we stopped in Chicago he said nothing.

"You can still change your mind. It's not too late." he said as we were walking to board the small plane to Port Angeles.

"Jake, just go back to New Hampshire and leave me alone. I do not want you here." I snapped at him. He was really getting on my nerves.

"Sorry Ness, but I'm going home to see Rachel until the move to Astoria." he smirked.

The short flight from Seattle to Port Angeles took no time. We had just embarked when I heard my name called. It was a voice I knew very well. It was Grandpa Charlie. I looked up at the direction his voice was coming from and smiled. He was there in his police uniform waving at me. He had a smile just for me.

"Grandpa!" I yelled running to him.

"Wow, you've grown again." He said giving me a hug and kiss on the forehead.

"Carlisle said I have just about finished growing so I will not get any taller." We were just about on the same eye level.

"Hi Jake." He said as an after thought when he saw Jake standing there.

"Hi Charlie."

"Grandpa, what are you doing here? Dad said there would be a car waiting for me."

"Bella rang and said you were coming for a visit with Jake so I offered to pick you up. She said you were to stay with me and Jake was to stay on the reservation. He's to take you back and forth." So Mum had gotten her way after all.

"So, how may bags have you got?"

"Just one."

"One?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Grandpa. I packed it not Alice." We laughed. The last time I had come to visit for a weekend I had had three bags. Alice had packed for every situation.

"Alright, Let's go get it." He led the way to the luggage pick-up. We got my bag and headed for the cruiser.

"I'll meet you at Charlie's Ness, I'll go get the car your Dad organised."

"Okay. Bye." I said dismissing him. Grandpa looked at me with a furrow on his face.

"Nessie, what's going on?"

"Nothing Grandpa. I wanted to come by myself but Jake would not let me."

"Are you sure that's all this is?"

"Why do you say that?"

"You two are normally inseparable. Usually where one goes the other does."

"I am not a child anymore Grandpa. I do not need supervision twenty four seven. I wish everyone would realise it." I snapped angrily at him. I felt guilty taking my temper out on him.

"It's okay Ness I wondered when you would start acting like a normal teenager." He laughed.

"I am sorry Grandpa that was rude."

"You just let me know if you want Jake to leave and I'll throw him out at gunpoint if necessary." I laughed. I could not help it. The picture in my mind of Grandpa with his shot gun pointed at Jake making him back out of the house was too funny.

Our trip from Port Angeles to Forks took about an hour. Jake was already there when we arrived. He knew I would want to see Sam straight away. Grandpa got my bag out of the cruiser and showed me inside. I was staying in mum's old room like I always did. He had left it the same as when she was living here.

"Grandpa do you mind if I ring Mum, she asked me to let her know I got here?"

"Sure, go ahead."

I went into the kitchen and dialled our house when it went to the answering machine I dialled the main house.

"Hello."

"Hi Esme, it's Nessie, is Mum there?"

"Sure Ness, did you have a good flight?"

"Yes thank you."

"Bella, it's Nessie." She called. Mum must have been outside or upstairs because it took a few seconds for her to reach the phone.

"Renesmee. You made it." She sounded relieved.

"Yes, I made it."

"Good. Are you and Jake talking yet?"

"No. He is still trying to talk me out of seeing Sam."

"I don't understand why you're doing this but it's your decision. Your Dad and I talked about it and I respect your honesty even if I think what you're doing is not necessary."

"Mum."

"Yes sweetie."

"I love you."

"I know sweetie. I'll see you in a couple of days."

"Bye."

I hung up. Grandpa was leaning against the doorway looking at me.

"Ness, what is going on and do not lie to me?" he demanded.

"I need to talk to Sam."

"I worked that bit out. Why?"

"Need to know Charlie." Jake said grinning.

"I put the family in danger Grandpa and I need to talk to Sam about it." I replied ignoring Jake.

"Alright. If you need me to come get you just ring."

"I will."

It was a quiet trip to La Push. We did not talk. Jake drove straight to Sam's. When we got there Jake did not knock he just walked straight in.

"Sam? Emily?" he called.

"In here Jake. Emily called from the kitchen. Welcome home." She was putting a tray into the oven.

"Hi Nessie. It's good to see you again."

"It is good to see you too Em."

"Where's Sam?"

"He'll be back in a few minutes he's just organising a patrol."

"Another rogue?" he asked concerned.

"I think so."

"Anything I can help with?"

"You'll have to ask Sam."

"Make yourselves at home." She pointed to the lounge and stools. "Can I get you anything?"

"A drink thanks Em."

"Ness?"

I shook my head. "No thank you."

I went and sat on the lounge. Jake sat next to me so I moved as far away as I could. Emily came in with Jake's drink and frowned when she saw the distance between us. Sam entered then and walked straight to Emily and kissed her. Then they just stood their looking into each others eyes. A passage from the book I'd read earlier in the day came back to me. I blessed my vampiric recall.

_Lessa swung the head around so that the many-faceted eyes were forced to look at her…. And found herself lost in that rainbow regard._

_A feeling of joy suffused Lessa: a feeling of warmth, tenderness, unalloyed affection, and instant respect and admiration flooded mind and heart and soul. Never again would Lessa lack an advocate, a defender, an intimate, aware instantly of the temper of her mind and heart, of her desires. _

I saw the devotion of the riders to their dragons in Emily and Sam. Jake was watching me look at them. The intense look in his eyes he had last night when I picked him up for the concert was there again. I caught his eyes just as pain flashed across his face before he could hide it. I looked away quickly and struggled to keep control of myself. The butterflies in the stomach ran out of control. Jake looking at me had never had these reactions. I did not understand it.

"So Ness.' I jumped. The sudden break from the intensity in the room startling me. "Jake says you want to talk to me." Sam said looking at me.

"Ah, yes. But I would like to do it alone if you do not mind." I glance sideways at Jake but he said nothing..

"I don't mind. Let's go outside."

I followed him out the front door. There was a seat to the side that we went and sat on.

"So what's up?"

I jumped straight in. "You know why I am here Sam. I killed a human last night. What I want to know is why you think I did not break the treaty."

"I know you killed someone. Yes you broke the treaty but it's not just my decision."

"I do not understand." Now I was confused.

"Jake is also an alpha. He's also the direct descendant of Ephraim Black. We made the decision together." He explained.

"But Carlisle renewed the treaty with you."

"Yes because Jake is family to him."

"Why is everyone treating me as if I did nothing wrong." I questioned him.

"I can't answer that Ness. I wasn't there."

"Will you let me show you." He nodded and I put my hand to his face to show him what had happened the night before. He winced when I got to the rape and then me killing the guy.

He took a few minutes to compose himself.

"Ness, I understand why you did it. It still does not change _our_ decision."

"Well I do not understand. I feel like I am being handled with kid gloves."

"Trust me." He looked directly at me and put both hands on my shoulders. "Will you just give it some time?"

"I will try. But can you answer me a question?"

"Try me."

Why is it in Jake's eyes I can do no wrong?"

He took a deep breath before answering.

"I'm sorry Ness, I can't give you an answer."

"Can't or won't?" I spat at him and pulled myself away.

"Believe me I'd love to tell you, it would make life easier for us all, but I can't."

"Is it a wolf thing?"

"A wolf thing? Just be patient Ness. Everything will become clear soon enough."

"I will not say I like it but I will try. Thanks Sam."

We went back inside. Jake was watching TV and Emily was back in the kitchen putting more food on the stove.

"Jake, can you take be back to Grandpa's please?"

"Sure. Back soon Sam." He said getting up.

"Nessie, you're not staying for dinner?"

"No thanks Emily. I need some time by myself."

"Alright. We'll see you soon." She looked to Sam who shook his head.

Jake drove me back to Grandpa's. The trip was as silent as on the way down had been. I was lost in thought from my conversation with Sam. Dad had not saved me from the decision Jake had. When Jake pulled up out the front of Grandpa Charlie's I did not expect him to come in but he turned the car off.

I turned to confront him. I wanted an answer.

"Jake, why did you do this?"

"What Nessie?"

"Fix this so that nothing would happen to me?"

"I didn't, your Dad did."

"Do not lie to me." I seethed. "Sam told me it was your decision."

"Nessie. You're my family. There was no way I was going to let anything happen to you."

He reached out as if to hold me when I spat back at him. "Can you stop it? Stop being my family. Stop making decisions for me. Let me make mistakes. Let me take responsibility and whatever punishment I deserve."

The hurt and utter devastation on his face shook me. I got out of the car and headed for the door, Jake followed.

"Jake I can walk myself inside. I do not need supervision." I snapped.

"Nessie, wait." he called when I kept going.

I stopped and turned to face him.

"What Jake? I hissed at him with venom in my voice. "Just leave me alone. What happens to me no longer concerns you." He stopped dead like he had been slapped in the face and shook his head. He got back into the car and left before I could say anything. I put my hand up to stop him and tried to call his name but he never looked back and nothing would come out. A rip went through the centre of me. It was like I was watching half of me drive away leaving the rest me to face the world alone. I went and sat on the porch staring out into the yard.


	8. Chapter 8

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 8 - Missing Pieces**

I did not realise I was crying until Grandpa came out and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Nessie, honey what's up? Where's Jake?"

I did not answer, I got up and ran inside upstairs to mum's room locking the door behind me. What had I done? I was so confused. I'd completely alienated my best friend and I felt empty. Eventually I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up it was only four a.m. Grandpa was snoring so I got up and used the bathroom. After that I grabbed something to eat and then went and locked myself back in the room. I did not deserve anyone's company. Later that morning I was surprised to hear Grandpa welcoming Mum on his way out the door to work. Obviously Grandpa had rung her concerned about me and she had come straight away.

"Dad. How is she?"

"I don't know. She hasn't spoken to me since she came back from seeing Sam. I heard her yell at Jake and then a car take off. When I went out she was sitting on the porch crying. I tried to find out what was wrong but she just ran inside and locked the door. She hasn't been out since."

"Thanks Dad. I'll try and talk with her. I'll see you after work."

"It's good to see you Bells. I miss you."

I heard the cruiser leave and was waiting for a knock on my door but it never came however there was a knock on the front door. "Hey Jake. Come in."

"Thanks Bella."

"Jake. What happened? I thought you guys coming here was just a formality. You had this all taken care of before you left." It sounded like it was coming from the kitchen.

Mum knew. Mum knew that Jake had fixed this too. Now I was mad. None of my family would let me do anything wrong. I sat at the top of the stairs listening to their conversation.

"I don't know Bella. She snapped at me when she saw me at the airport and we didn't talk the whole way here. She was excited to see Charlie. Once we got here we went straight to see Sam. She asked to come home after she spoke with him so I brought her back. Once we got here and stopped, it was brutal. She's never treated me or anyone like it. The venom and acid in her voice…."

Jake sounded so hurt, devastated. How could I have hurt him like that? My anger turned to shame. Fresh tears started pouring down my face.

"Bella, I don't know what went wrong. I can't stand to have her hurting like this."

"Jake, we need to tell her abo .."

"No." Jake interrupted. "We can't. It has to be her choice."

"But Jake, you're hurting as much as she is."

"Please Bella," he begged. "I've been through worse."

I heard mum sigh "I know. I just wish it could be easier than this. Give me some time alone with her. If she's up to it I'll bring her down to the reservation later."

I got up and headed back into the room and locked the door. How did everything get so messed up? All that was meant to happen was Sam would punish me and leave my family alone. Now I had hurt my best friend and I did not know what I could do to set it right. I watched out the window as Jake left and ran for the trees then I threw myself of the bed. He must have come as a wolf. Mum came up and knocked on the door a few minutes later.

"Renesmee sweetie, open the door." But I ignored her. "Please sweetie." I continued to ignore her. What was I going to say to her? How could I explain it? I heard her walk away. A second later she was sitting on the bed next to me.

"If you're going to ignore me at least lock your window." she said with a smile.

"Mum. Leave me alone." I snapped at her.

"I can't sweetie. We need to talk."

I took a deep breath and tried to bury the anger I had towards her for being in on this.

"Can I ask what happened last night between you and Jake?

I looked away from her. I did not want to talk.

"Sweetheart. Just try. It will help." She tried to put her arms around me but I shrugged out of it.

I got up and walked over to the window and stood there looking out. The room was filled with silence. There was nothing I could say that would ease the guilt that filled me.

"Alright if you're not going to answer me. Let me say something." When I said nothing she continued. "We let you come here to talk to Sam but somehow you ended up hurting Jake and yourself. I don't know what happened between you two last night but I know it's eating you up inside. If it wasn't you'd be talking to me right now. From what I can see on your face you're confused about something. I'm not going to push it any further so if you want to talk, I'll be downstairs." With that she got up and left.

Mum was right I was confused but I could not talk about it. How do I tell her I had told the most important person in my life and my best friend I did not want them to be part of my family any more? More importantly how do I tell her I feel empty when Jake is not around. Like part of me is missing. No. This was one thing I was going to have to work out by myself. I had two problems. The first was how to keep it from Dad. The other was how to mend the relationship that Jake and I once had.

Dad arrived later that day but he left me alone. When Grandpa arrived home and he, Mum and Dad had a discussion about me. They were concerned about my state of mind. I thought I'd better face them and put their minds at ease. As I was walking down the stairs I made sure to step on the loose board so that it would creak.

"Renesmee?"

"Yes Mum it is me."

"How you feeling sweetie?"

"Fine."

"Can I get you anything?"

"No thanks."

"So, what are your plans for this evening?"

Until that moment I did not have any. Maybe it was a good time to get out for a while. The movies would be a good distraction.

"If it is alright with you and Dad I thought I might go to a movie."

"By yourself?"

"Yes, unless you want to come."

"Maybe some time away from everyone would be good for you. Give you a chance to sort your head out. You seem to be struggling with some issue between you and Jake."

"Thanks." I tried to smile but it did not cross my face. "Dad can I use your car since I do not have one?"

"Sure."

So I went to the movies by myself. I thought it would be a good idea to be alone - no parents and no Jake but it was worse. It made me realise I had no friends I could talk with. My life consisted of my family. Everything that happened to me my family either knew about or was involved with.

When I got back to Grandpa's, Mum and Dad were still there. I had to stay at Grandpa's again since our furniture was not due to arrive until tomorrow. I thought they may have left already but Dad decided to wait for the car. I guess he did not want me running which I had a tendency to do when things got difficult.

The next day I went fishing with Grandpa. It was the first time since last summer that we had been. I'd forgotten how much I enjoyed it. He was good to spend time with because I knew he would not ask questions that I did not want to answer. Once we got home Dad came to pick me up as the furniture had arrived but I convinced him I wanted to stay at Grandpa's house. It surprised me when he let me. At least they were not pushing me for answers.

At the end of the following week when I still had not spoken to Jake and he had not come to visit Mum decided it was time to try talking again. It was not like I was avoiding him it was just that I did not know what to say to him to make things better. How do you apologise to your best friend when you told him you do not want him to be part of your family and that your life no longer concerns him?

Mum took me shopping and we spent a couple of hours buying clothes for me for summer break. She had tried a couple of times to start a conversation about Jake with me but I did not answer. I know she only wanted what was best and she was concerned but I still was not ready to talk.

"So sweetie, where do you want to go next?"

"The music store. I want to get some blank music sheets."

"Are you going to write another song?"

"I have been thinking about it. I will see how inspired I am over summer break."

"Are you going to visit La Push during your break?"

There were only two weeks left before it started. Mum and Dad were going to Astoria without me to get everything set up. I could join them anytime but I was not in a hurry to get there.

"I was thinking I might stay with Grandpa if it is alright with him. I might get down to see Rachel and Emily though."

"I'm sure he'd love to have you. Are you going to see Jake?"

Here it was the question that I had successfully avoided for the last week.

"Honestly?" I shrugged. "I do not know."

"Sweetie. You really need to talk to him. Sort it out. I don't like seeing you so unhappy."

"Mum please. Just drop it. I do not want to talk about it."

"I said I wasn't going to push and I won't. I just wish I could understand what it is you think you need to go through by yourself."

Just then we reached the music store for which I was extremely grateful.

"I will just be a few minutes. I think you should wait here." I turned without waiting for a response. I took my time getting my head back in order before I left with my supplies.

"I think I am ready to go home now." After our attempt to talk I no longer felt compelled to shop.

"Alright if that's what you want." I nodded.

A fortnight later I waved goodbye as Mum and Dad left for Astoria. Grandpa had agreed to me staying with him. The main house however was not packed up. The rest of my family would be calling in during summer break. I was given a key so I could use the piano if no one else was there. Dad also had another car dropped off for me to use since Jake still had the original car.

The first week Grandpa took off work and we went camping and fishing. A couple of times I had seen a glimpse of a wolf so I knew we were being watched. That meant either a rogue vampire was around or they had instructions to protect me, however our week was undisturbed.

When we got back Alice had left a message for me to go to the main house for a slumber party so I helped Grandpa unpack and then left. Alice and I always had fun. What I was not expecting was it to be a set up. It was not Alice waiting for me it was Jake.

"Where is Alice. I got a message to meet her here?" I was looking around but I had a sinking feeling about all this.

"So did I. I found these taped to the front door." He held up two notes and he handed me one with my name on it."

Nessie,

Don't be mad at Jake. He had no part

in this. It's time you pair sorted out your

differences. The only way that is going

to happen is if you two actually talk to

one another. **NOW SORT IT OUT!!**

Alice.

I screwed the note up throwing it over my shoulder and headed for the car. Trust Alice to interfere. At least Mum had kept her part of the bargain and left me alone. It had been a month since Jake and I had last spoken to each other. He called over a couple of times to the main house before Mum and Dad had left but I had ignored him just as much as he had ignored me.

"Nessie, wait."

I sighed but I stopped. I really did want to sort it out it was just that I did not know where to start.

"You need to go hunting right? At least I presume you need to?"

"Yes. I need to go."

"I'll take you. Wait here."

He went into the woods and came out as a wolf. At least we did not have to talk. He came over and stopped next to me and then ducked down. I jumped up on his back and he took off. He took me hunting like we used to. I admitted to myself I had missed this. It was so much fun with him.

When we got back it was dark. There was still no one at the main house. Jake phased and followed me inside. The silence between us was awkward but I was so glad he was here. I turned the TV on just so there was noise in the room and sat on the lounge. Jake sat on the lounge opposite me.

"Nessie?" Jake said breaking the silence between us. "Can we talk?" I shrugged.

"What happened? How did things get so messed up?" he asked.

"Me and my stupid mouth." I mumbled not expecting Jake to hear it.

"Ness, what are you talking about?"

I sighed and took a deep breath. "I messed everything up. If I had not forced the issue with Sam none of this would have happened. We would be enjoying summer break like we always have."

"No. It's more than that." He was shaking his head. "What did I do to make you hate me?"

"Jake. I do not hate you. You are my best…. Well you were my best friend until I ruined everything."

"It's not ruined just side-tracked." A wry smile crossing his face.

"I do not know what I can say to make things right. I hurt you so bad." I searched his face trying to find the right words that could make everything right but I came up empty.

"No Ness.…" he started to say but I interrupted him.

"I saw it in your eyes. I saw it flash across your face." I tried to say sorry but I could not form the words.

"You have nothing to apologise for. Most of what you said to me was true. That's the reason I haven't been around. I've been trying to give you the space you wanted. You may not think of me as part of your family but you will always be part of mine." The intensity in his eyes returned. The feelings that had stirred the night of the concert returned leaving me confused again. I shook my head trying to dispel them. When that did not work I got up and went to the back window and looked out taking deep breaths whilst I was standing there.

"You are doing it again. Telling me I have nothing to apologise for."

"That's because you don't."

"Jake?" I said turning back to face him.

"Yeah Ness."

"I am sorry. It is just that I want to be able to make mistakes and learn from them. No one let's me do anything, how am I supposed to learn if I am not allowed to."

"We are just trying to protect you."

"I know but I am not a little kid anymore." Once I started it all came out in a rush. "Look at me. I am not quite six years old and I am almost seventeen. The minute I make a mistake, you or Dad cover it up, actually everyone covers it up. Everyone tells me I have done nothing wrong. Everyone tells me I have nothing to apologise for. No one yells at me. No one punishes me. No one looks at me with disgust. You all look at me with sadness or you pretend nothing has happened. I wish I was normal. I wish I could take back what I said to ….."

"Ness, don't…" he cut in.

I put my hand up to stop him. "Please just let me say this." I took a deep breath. "I wish I could take back what I said to you the other week. I hope you can forgive me for being so mean to you and we can still be friends. You are part of my family, you have always been. I am so sorry I hurt you."

He stood there looking at me. A look I did not understand flashed across his face but then he smiled. This smile spread across his whole face. This was my favourite smile - it was just for me. He held his arms out and I let myself go to him.

"I truly am sorry." I said looked up at him to show him how much I meant it.

My eyes met his and I could not look away. There was a new depth to them. It was like I could see into his soul. There was so much love in there. He had so much love to give. Without realising what I was doing I reached up and gently caressed his cheek. His eyes closed and he sighed as if some unknown barrier had been broken at my touch. The break in eye contact brought me back to my surrounds and made me acutely aware of the intimacy between us.


	9. Chapter 9

** Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.** **No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 9 - Confused**

My heart was pounding and I was breathing faster than normal.

"S...S...Since no one is here I think I had better go back to Grandpa's." I stammered as I struggled to removed myself from his embrace and head for the door.

"Nessie, wait. I'm sorry." he called after me.

"I will see you later Jake." I did not look back. I could not. I knew if I did I would see hurt across his face yet again and he would see the confusion on mine.

I drove slowly back to Grandpa's house trying to sort out the emotions running through me. I had no idea what was happening. What was wrong with me? Why did I react that way? When I got there I still had no answers. Grandpa was surprised to see me.

"Nessie, what are you doing back? I thought you were having a sleep over with Alice." he was looking out to see if I was alone.

"So did I Grandpa. It seems Alice decided Jake and I needed to talk."

"So did you talk?"

"A little. I might even go down to La Push tomorrow." Maybe that would stop him from asking about Jake for a few days.

"That's good. I'm working anyway. You should catch up with Emily and Rachel."

"I am tired. I will see you in the morning." I gave him a kiss on the cheek and headed upstairs. I took a few minutes to get changed and brush my teeth. When I climbed into bed I let the tears flow and cried myself to sleep.

The next morning when I awoke, Grandpa had already left. I headed down to La Push and caught up with Emily and Rachel. It was nice to have some girl time. I prayed that I would not run into Jake and I was relieved when Emily said Jake and Sam had gone on patrol. We spent most of the morning down at the beach talking. Neither of them mentioned Jake and I was grateful.

I said my goodbyes just after lunch but I was not ready to go back to Grandpa's so I went to the main house instead. There was still no one there. I let myself in and sat down at the piano letting my fingers run along the keys. I pulled out the blank sheet music that I had purchased and started writing. I did not know how long I sat there playing and writing but when I looked up it was dark outside. The buzzing of my cell broke my concentration. It was Grandpa.

"Hey Grandpa."

"Nessie. Where are you? I was getting worried. When I spoke to Emily she said you left there at lunch time."

"Sorry Grandpa. I am at the main house. I guess I lost track of time. I will be home soon. Just let me lock up."

"Alright I'll see you soon."

I quickly packed up, taking my unfinished composition with me and headed back to Grandpa's. When I looked at the clock in the car it was after nine o'clock. No wonder Grandpa was worried.

I spent the next few days at the main house working on my music. It was a nice distraction. The music seemed to flow and I had two whole compositions completed by the end of the third day. On the fourth day I took a blank CD with me and recorded them. I had just finished when Rosalie and Alice turned up.

"Hey Alice, hi Rose."

"Hey Ness. What are you doing here by yourself? Where's Jake?" Rosalie asked looking around confused.

"I am not a kid anymore. I do not need supervision twenty four seven." I snapped at her.

"I know. I just expected Jake to be here with you. You two are usually joined at the hip." she came back with.

"Sorry. I did not mean to snap. Dad gave me a key so I could use the piano."

"Oh. Did you write something new?" Alice asked.

"Sure did."

"Well. Are you going to play it for us?" Rose asked.

"Sure." I played the first minute of the second composition I had written.

"Wow. That's beautiful. I can't wait to hear the whole thing."

"Thanks. So what brings you to Forks?"

"You actually." Alice said cheerfully. "Hunting time."

"But Jake only took me on Monday." It surprised me that they would think I would need to go so soon or did they think that I had not been.

"So you two sorted it out?"

"Kinda sorta."

"What do you mean?"

"Well we talked and I think he forgave me but I have not seen him since."

"Ness. What's going on?" Damn. Trust Alice to keep at it.

"Nothing." I replied trying to sound like everything was fine. "Can hunting wait until tomorrow? I have some stuff I need to do." I did not wait for an answer. I grabbed the CD from the player and my compositions and headed out the door.

"See you tomorrow." I called over my shoulder. I could feel them staring after me. I did not really have anything to do I just could not take anymore of their probing. If they kept going I would inadvertently spill out the looks between Jake and me that leave me confused and I did not want to get into that with them.

I headed back to Grandpa's and put my compositions away. I put the CD that I had made into the CD player on the nightstand and listened to what I had recorded. I had to admit it was good. What I did not want to admit to myself was I had written one of the compositions for Jake. It was my apology to him. I took the CD out of the player and put it back in its case and put it in the top drawer of the nightstand.

The next morning I was surprised to see Jake waiting for me. I had not seen him all week.

"Hey Jake." I welcomed him with a confused expression on my face.

"Hey Ness. Alice rang and asked me to get you." He was smiling so that was a good sign, was it not?

"Alice and Rose are meant to take me hunting."

"Oh. I could have done that" He looked put out that I had not asked them.

"I know. They showed up yesterday whilst I was at the main house." I added trying to make things right. I headed out the door and Jake followed.

"What were you doing there?" Now he looked confused.

"Using the piano. Dad gave me a key before they left."

"Did you write something new?"

"No." I lied. "Playing relaxes me."

I headed for my car but Jake grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the wood. I thought I saw a slight grin cross his face.

"Alice said we were meeting them near our old hunting spot. Wait here while I phase." I nodded not trusting myself to say anything.

We met up with Alice and Rosalie just as he had said. Even though it had only been a week since I had been hunting I was surprisingly thirsty and the hunt gave me a chance to compose myself.

"Alice, why did you want us to meet you here and not at the main house?" I asked as we headed back.

"You'll see." She was grinning so I knew she had a surprise for me.

When we got back my surprise was the whole family. I was so nice to see everyone again. Esme was having major renovations done to the house they had bought so they had decided to come and visit for a few days until it was finished. There were a couple of sunny days predicted and it would not be good for them to be seen by the builders. Even though they could do the renovations themselves, Carlisle wanted to employ local builders. He said it was a strategy to get people to accept him and his family. Make the family seem like we were normal, humans.

Mum pulled me aside later that afternoon and took me to Grandpa's to get some of my things for their stay. She said nothing until our return trip.

"Are you ready to come home yet?"

"No. I am not ready. I am actually enjoying Forks. I like it here. I wish we did not have to leave."

"That is not what I meant but I would like to stay too. I miss it here as well."

"You meant back to the main house? Again no. I would rather stay at Grandpa's but I will stay with you until you leave again." She looked at me as if she wanted to say more but changed the subject instead.

"So did you write any music yet?"

"Yeah, I did. Maybe I will play it for you later."

"That would be nice. Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"No."

"Renesmee, sweetie." she started to say but I interrupted her.

"Mum please. You said you would not push."

"I know, I thought you might be ready."

"No. Not ready." We had just reached the start of the driveway to the main house when she pulled over without warning.

"Sweetie." She turned to look at me. "I know you don't want to talk about whatever it is you think you need to do by yourself but please, think about it." She reached over and pushed my hair behind my ear. "If you are not able to talk to me then please talk to someone, anyone. Just don't bottle it up. It will only make it worse." I looked away and out the side window. A few tears escaped and I brushed at them with the back of my hand. I understood what she was saying but I was not able to talk to her, not yet.

"I will meet you at the main house." I choked out. I leapt from the car and started to run. I could feel her sad eyes watching me as I disappeared into the woods. I stopped at the edge of the river looking at the main house, knowing everyone was there and they would be concerned when I did not return with Mum. I sat there watching the light disappear behind the trees, once again the tears fell silently down my face. What was wrong with me? Why did I cry all the time? Why all of a sudden did Jake looking at me affect me like this? I thought about what mum had said about talking to someone, anyone but there was no one I could talk to. I would have to do this alone.

I heard the quiet foot steps come up behind me and stop, not sure what to do. Keep coming or wait for an invitation. I knew them better than anyone.

"Jake." I wiped at the tears with my hand.

"Hey Ness." He must have been watching me because the next thing I knew he was sitting next to me with his arm wrapped lightly around me.

"Ness what's wrong?" I shook my head and slumped to the ground forcing him to remove his arm.

"Jake, it's okay. I'll take it from here." Dad had obviously heard my distressed thoughts or Mum had told him I had run and she sent him looking for me.

"I think it might be best if you go back to La Push tonight." Jake did not answer. I only heard the soft retreat of his footsteps and then the pad of paws as he phased and left.

Dad left me where I was, sitting patiently next to me. He said nothing waiting for me to talk to him. My mind was going over and over these last couple of months. I was trying to work out what it was that I had done differently to cause these reactions in me. I could come up with no answer.

"Dad?" I said as I slowly sat up.

"Yeah, sweetie."

"I know you have been listening to my thoughts. I know you know what is going on in my head. What is happening to me?"

"Nothing is happening to you. It's called growing up."

"But I do not understand, why now? Why is everything so….so confusing?"

"Most of what you are going through is normal. The reason I think you are struggling is it is hitting you all at once. What most teenagers go through over several years you have gone through in just over one plus they have friends who are going through it at the same time, friends to talk to. You have never had any close friends your own age to go through it with. You have only had us - your family. I know you have some stuff you don't feel comfortable discussing with us. I know you're confused and it is making you miserable.

"I hate feeling this way. I keep hurting everyone, especially Jake."

"You will only hurt yourself more if you keep punishing yourself like this." He pulled me onto his lap like he always did when I was upset and kissed me on the top of the head. "Sweetie you can sit out here and feel sorry for yourself or you can come inside. I promise no one will say anything. We know you will talk to us when you're ready. Just promise me you won't leave it too long."

"I promise. Thanks Dad."

We headed inside as if nothing was wrong. Just like Dad said no one said anything. I went to the piano and started playing softly to myself. After about a half an hour Mum came and sat next to me.

"You said earlier you wrote something new. Can you play it for me?"

"Sure."

I played the song that I had played for Alice and Rose in full. When I had finished Mum kissed me on the cheek.

"That was beautiful."

"Thanks Mum."


	10. Chapter 10

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**** No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 10 - Dream or Reality?**

At the end of the week everyone with the exception of mum and dad returned to Astoria. Mum had a surprise planned for dad on Saturday night at the cottage before our permanent move. Jake, Seth and I were going to watch movies on the big screen.

On Saturday afternoon Mum and I went shopping for her supplies as well as junk food for the guys and me to eat whilst we were watching our movies. We had just finished setting out the candles she had bought around the cottage when dad turned up. They promptly forgot about me and I left making gagging noises at them, knowing dad would not even notice the candles, not with mum in his arms. Most kids my age had a problem with their parents being romantic or intimate. I loved how they were with each other. I just hoped I was half as lucky as they were. To have someone love me that much and to look at me the way they looked at each other was worth falling in love.

I was halfway to the main house when I smelt an unfamiliar wolf. I froze trying to work out where it was. Jake had not said anything about any new wolves joining the packs. I caught a glimpse of a shadow to the left of me and tried to turn back to the cottage but suddenly there was another wolf in front of me. Two wolves. When I turned to go the other way they circled around behind me blocking my path to the main house. I cried out silently for my dad, for Jake, for help. Then I screamed for help out loud but the wolves growled effectively muting my cries. I remembered I had my cell in my pocket but when I tried to use it there was no signal. I turned to run to back to the cottage but a third wolf appeared blocking me.

One was black with russet points on its ears and tail, one was graduating shades of grey and the other was light brown with white undercoat. The black one was almost the same size as Jake. The other two were smaller, more the size of Seth. None of their scents were familiar.

At some unknown signal they stopped and the big black one phased. He stood there naked in front of me. I looked down uncomfortable at the sight in front of me. He sneered at my discomfort. For a minute I thought he was Sam. The resemblance was astonishing. He could have been his identical twin brother except his torso was covered in tattoos and Sam did not have any. It took me a minute to register they were all tattoos of wolves.

"Who are you? What do you want from me?" I meant to demand but I was so scared my voice was barely audible.

"We are the protectors of this land. The _Cold Ones_ are not welcome here." He stated matter-of-factly pointing to me as he said it.

"How do you know of us? How long have you known we were here?"

"The Quileute's are not the only ones with legends. When our tribe learnt of the treaty made with the Quileute's we made our own provisions to defend ourselves. We learnt how they achieved the transformation and copied it. It took many years but we too were able to perfect it. Unlike the Quileute's our transformations have never skipped a generation as we always have _Cold Ones_ travelling through or attempting to settle here. We clean them out straight away. We knew as soon as you moved here what you were. Unlike the Quileute elders we do not make treaties with killers."

"But we are not like the _Cold Ones_ you know of. We feed only on animals. That is why Carlisle made the treaty with the Quileute elders." I said defending my family.

"Carlisle had no right to bring his family here to settle especially now it has expanded."

"We moved from here a few years ago and only return for the summer break to visit our human family." I stated. "How do you know it has expanded?"

"Our legends tell of the time when Carlisle made the treaty. It says there were three males and two females. The family that moved here has four new members - a male, two females and yourself." He waved his hand in my direction. "What exactly are you? You have a heart beat yet your skin appears impregnable like the _Cold Ones_."

"I am half vampire, half human. I was conceived when my mother married my father. He was a vampire, she was human. She is now a vampire too. He saved her when I almost killed her."

"A half-breed. Disgusting." The other wolves growled. I presumed it was in agreement.

"What do you want with me?"

"We know what you did Nessie. We know you killed a human." They knew my name and my history. A fresh wave fear coursed through me.

"We also know your killing was covered up by the two alphas on the Quileute Reservation at La Push."

"How do you know that? Jake would have told me if there were other wolves about."

"We hear all of them. Even the lower ranked wolves from every pack across all the reservations."

"What do you mean every pack from all the reservations. How many packs are there?"

"That is not a discussion we will enter into."

"I went there to face my punishment but they decided no punishment was to be given."

"But you did not kill on their lands. You killed on ours."

"Your land. I killed in New Hampshire not here."

"There is no difference. We patrol all lands. What is important is you have to be punished for killing."

Although deep down I knew what that punishment would be I had to ask. "And what punishment would that be?"

"There is only one punishment. Death."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw several movements in the woods. The movements were a blur. I knew the sounds. It was family. Relief swept through me.

"Get away from my daughter." Dad hissed.

His appearance took the wolves by surprise. They looked back and forth between one another trying to work out where he came from. The rest of my family appeared around them and their confidence seemed to disappear.

"Ness, run." Dad whispered to me. I shook my head. "Trust me, run."

I took off running as fast as my legs would carry me heading for the main house. I could hear the fight ricocheting off the trees. Trees were being brought down and I heard a blood curdling scream but I could not work out who it was. I do not remember how long I had been running when I realised I was not getting any closer to the house. In fact it seemed like I was running in the wrong direction. I tried to look around me but the woods were unfamiliar. A faint sound behind me alerted me to the fact I was being followed. I ran and ran knowing I was lost but not wanting to be caught. My sight was tinged red with exhaustion but I pushed on. Suddenly there were three wolves following me, gaining on me. Why was dad or my family not here to help me? Where was Jake?

Eventually I could go no further. My legs would not continue. I fell to the ground gasping for air. I looked around me and I was surrounded by the three wolves again. I had nowhere to go, no way to escape. The light was fading rapidly and soon it would be dark. The wolves circled, growling and snarling. I knew this was it. My punishment for killing and this time no one would save me.

One by one the wolves stopped and I could see them crouch preparing to attack. I wrapped myself in a ball waiting for the attack I knew was coming but nothing happened. I peeked from under my hair and the wolves had disappeared. I lifted my head cautiously and looked around. I was back where the fight had begun. I screamed, my scream disturbed the few birds in the woods. They took flight squawking in fright. The sight before me was horrific. I could not find the words to describe it. A numbness enveloped me and for the first time in my life I felt physically sick. My family had been slaughtered. Fires containing their remains burned around me.

As I slowly looked around me I saw another vision I knew could not be true. Four wolves lay dead. Sam, Seth and Embry all dead but my eyes stopped on the last one. Jake. His lifeless body torn open and covered in blood. His body shredded and exposed. It was the sight of him that made me realise exactly what I was seeing. My family had been slaughtered in my place. My whole family, the wolves who knew I had killed and the ones who had let me live. My punishment was not my death but the death of my family. I would have to live out my life without their existence, without their love. I was alone.

"No." I cried. "No…No…No..." Even though I knew it would do no good I cried for help. "Please, help me. Someone please help me." On the last word I finally broke. My body heaved with sobs letting the tears flow. I let them flow. I could not hold back. Crying for the family I had loved and had sentenced to death by my lack of control.

"Jake!" I screamed. "No! Jake!" I ran to him and flung myself to the ground covering his body with mine.

Suddenly something touched my shoulder and called my name. "Nessie." It was impossible. This person was dead. I was laying over his body.

"Nessie. Wake up, it's just a bad dream." This time it was louder and the touch firmer.

I lifted my head, tears still flowing. I was on the floor in the lounge room of the main house. Jake was kneeling beside me with his arm stretched out towards me as if he was going to touch me.

"Nessie, are you okay?" He asked.

I did not understand. How could he ask me that? He was dead. I had just seen his body and I was covered in his blood. My defences took over. I cowered away from him. Confusion crossed his face.

"Not real. Dead. Not real. Ghost." I chanted to myself, closing and opening my eyes again and again. Waiting for him to disappear but every time I opened them there he was. I screamed again.

"Get away from me. Who are you?" I sprung from the lounge and threw myself against the wall. I was instantly aware of everything around. Every sound and every movement.

"Nessie. It's okay. It was just a nightmare."

How could it be? I smelt the burning bodies of my family. I touched the blood that covered him. I looked down and saw my clothes covered in that same blood. A movement at the back door caught my eye and reflexively I screamed again.

"Jake? Is everything alright?" Seth asked as he entered looking from Jake to me and back again.

"Get Edward and Bella. They are at the cottage. I don't care if you have to break in and drag them apart just get them here now." Jake replied with urgency. Seth disappeared.

Jake took a step towards me. Cautiously he started to lift his hand again and took a small step towards me.

"Not real. Dead. Not real. Ghost." I chanted again.

"Ness, baby. Please. Let me help you." Jake pleaded with me as he took another step forward. I shook my head.

"Dead. You are all dead. Not alive." I whispered.

Something in my facial expression must have warned him not to come any closer because he stopped. We stood there looking at each other. Neither of us moving. My eyes shifted to the door as I heard the noise of someone approaching.

"Edward, wait." Jake said as dad came to a halt beside him. "She's terrified."

I looked around me trying to find a way to escape. A second later mum entered with Seth a few steps behind her. Jake and dad held their hands up to warn them not to come any closer.

"What happened Jake?" Dad demanded to know. My eyes looked back and forth between them. They locked on the Jake.

"We were watching the last movie and she fell asleep. When it finished I noticed she was sleeping soundly so I went to find out if Sam needed me or if I could catch some sleep. I just got back and was going to take her up to her room when I found her on the floor. I realised she was dreaming. I shook her but she did not wake so I shook her a little harder and when she looked up she started chanting 'Not real. Dead. Not real'. I tried to pick her up to comfort her but she leapt away. She won't let me near her."

"Nessie. It's okay. We're here now. It was just a bad dream sweetie." Dad said soothingly. My eyes shifted back to him. It appeared to be him but I knew it wasn't, he was dead too. I shook my head and looked towards mum who held her hands out as if she wanted me to go to her.

"Not real. Dead. Saw the fires. Need to get away." I whispered.

Dad stepped forward and I screamed "Stay away from me."

Dad fell to his knees. "Oh Nessie. I'm sorry sweetheart. So sorry." He apologised and dropped his head. Mum came over and put her arm around him.

"Edward. Edward what is it?" Mum asked. Concern and worry across her face.

"The reaction we were expecting her to have when she fed off the human in New Hampshire. The reaction that never came. We thought she was coping and she wasn't going to have one. Lately though she's been so confused and her emotions have been all over the place especially with Jake. Carlisle and I didn't think it would be this delayed. Tonight it's hit with a vengeance."

"But why is she so scared?" Jake asked.

"When she went to see Sam she knew the rules of the treaty. She knew the punishment was death. When you and Sam agreed to no punishment she felt cheated. That's what caused her reaction when you dropped her off. The result was your fight. Nessie wanted to take responsibility for what she did. We took it away from her, we made it so that she had nothing to answer for. She thinks we have all been slaughtered by a wolf pack who overrule the Quileute packs. My guess would be she thinks they are the Volturi equivalent, they keep the wolf laws. Their decision is final. We were all killed because her crime was covered up. We were given the punishment she felt she should have gotten. That is why she was on the floor. She thinks she was lying over your body Jake. That is why she's terrified, she thinks we are not real. She thinks we're ghosts. She's caught in her own nightmare."


	11. Chapter 11

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

**Chapter 11 - Reactions**

They stood there looking at me. No one moving. Jake had a single tear make its way slowly down his cheek before he collapsed on the floor next to dad.

"Nessie." he cried.

After what seemed like an eternity they all moved back slowly giving me some space. I took the opportunity and ran. When I got outside I stopped and looked around. Everything looked different. Empty. I turned to look back inside and all the furniture had disappeared. The house was vacant. In a daze I ran for the river. There was only one place I knew to go, the cottage. When I got there it was dark and empty too. No candles were burning like there should have been. I slowly opened the door and walked in. No furniture in here either.

I walked to my old room and eventually slid down the wall in the corner to the floor. I sat there staring out at the stars and moon above. The moon, my friend. I could always manage to find the moon on the darkest of nights and tonight was no different. The moon was full tonight. It stared at me, baleful. I would find no solace in it tonight. So I sat there staring out the window all night. Watching the moon, the stars, the clouds and then finally the rain. Tears flowed relentlessly down my face adding their salt and water to the already blood stained clothes I was wearing. Eventually the sky started to lighten and the events of the night caught up with me. I could no longer keep my eyes open. I curled up on my bedroom floor and exhausted I finally slept.

At some point the dreams started. They were not too bad to start with. Actually they were great. Dreams of my family and I happy. Mum and dad holding me and kissing me, telling me how much they loved me. The parties Alice threw for me for my birthdays. Our hunting trip to Mt Rainier for my sixteenth birthday. Days spent with Jake on the beach at La Push building sandcastles and eating competitions with the wolf pack I had no hope of winning. The dreams ran through my life showing me how lucky I had been and what I had lost.

Then they turned dark and the nightmares began. The concert and the killing. Seeing the face of my victim and the girl I would certainly have killed if dad had not stopped me. The fight with Jake that left me feeling like I had been split in two and then last night. The wolves chasing me, seeing my family slaughtered. And finally the nightmare halted on Jake, his blood covered body lying lifeless under me.

"No!" I screamed as shot upright from the floor fully awake. The sound of my scream echoed around the empty room. I shivered at the sound.

It was dark again. I had no idea what day it was or what time it was and I quickly realised I was not alone but I was still in my room in the cottage. Another scream escaped before the echoes from the first one stopped. Someone pulled me to them and wrapped their arms around me.

"No! No! No! Let me go." I screamed hysterically struggling to get out of his arms but he tightened his hold on me.

"Shhh, Nessie." Jake whispered as he held me.

"Let me go." I yelled at him as I struggled harder against him. I dug my fingers into his forearms trying to force him to let me go. When he did not ease his hold I pounded on his chest with my fists but he grabbed my hands and held them in one of his against him.

"It was just a bad dream." He said calmly and quietly in my ear.

"Please, let me go." I begged this time. Tears filling my eyes.

"No, baby. I'm not letting you go." He held me tight and kissed the top of my head. "Ever."

"But I saw the fires. Saw the bodies." I cried. I shuddered involuntarily and he tightened his hold on me.

"Just a bad dream." He assured me, kissing the top of my head again and again. "Just a bad dream."

"Please, let me go." I pleaded but my resolve broke. My body did not want to fight anymore. Tears streamed down my face and my chest heaved with sobs.

"Just a bad dream." He repeated.

"B…b…but y… w….w…were d...d dead." I managed to get out between sobs.

"No, baby. Not dead. Alive."

"I..I.. saw y...your body." I sobbed into his chest.

"It wasn't real. I'm alive. Listen to my heart. Listen to it beating." His arms felt so safe and real that I did what he asked. I trusted him too much to doubt what he was saying.

I put my ear to his chest and sure enough I could hear it beating. Too fast for a normal human heart but it was a beat I was used to. I laid in his arms listening to the sound slowly believing that my family would still be alive too. I do not know how long we sat there but finally the sobs eased and I worked up the courage to ask about the rest of my family.

"Jake?" My voice was faint but I knew he would hear it.

"Hmmm."

"What about mum and dad. Are they still alive?" I asked with hope.

I felt a chuckle go through his body as he answered. "Yes. They are alive."

'But if they are still alive then why was it Jake here and not them?' I thought to myself. Fear went through me. This could all be my mind playing another trick to make me thinking everything was fine and my family and Jake were still dead. I could feel myself slipping. Losing the slim grip on reality that I currently had.

Jake must have sensed the fear building again because before I said anything he whispered. "Shhh, baby. Stay with me. We're all alive. Listen to my heart beating. All alive."

I did as he asked and concentrated on listening to his heartbeat. A peacefulness came over me and my eyes grew heavy. Within moments I was asleep. It was not long after the nightmares started again.

"No! Jake No!" I woke up screaming again and tensed when I felt someone holding me.

Once again it was Jakes arms that held me however instead of being in the cottage we were on my bed in my room at the main house. He must have moved me whilst I was asleep.

"Shhh. Ness. It's alright. I'm here." He whispered in my ear and kissed my hair trying to calm me. Another wave of peacefulness and calmness came over me and in the back of my mind I realised Jasper must have been here and he was manipulating my emotions.

Once I relaxed he eased his hold and I tried to sit up. This time he let me. I looked around at my surroundings. We were alone in my room.

"Where are mum and dad?" I asked expecting them to be here with us.

"Downstairs." I looked at him confused.

"I do not understand. Why are you here and not them?" He chuckled.

"When you took off you were so scared and convinced we were all dead. You were never going to believe we were alive without proof so we followed you to the cottage. When you finally fell asleep we tried to come in but you seemed to sense us and it stressed you out even more. Edward called Jasper and Alice and we were waiting for them to return but then you started to get really restless and we realised we couldn't wait. We decided it would be me because at least I have a heartbeat." I must of looked at him totally confused because he continued, " It was the only thing we could think of that would make you see it was just a bad dream and us being dead wasn't real. We had to convince you we were real. As it was it took me a while to convince you." He had a wry smile on his face.

I remembered I dug my nails into his arms and looked down at them. "I am sorry I hurt you." I apologised looking for scars I knew would not be there.

"You didn't even dent me and believe me you were trying." He had a smirk across his face now teasing me.

"I really am sorry." I said apologising again.

I had no idea what the time was or how long I had been out. Slowly the memories, the real memories, came back to me. I had helped mum set up the cottage with candles for a night with dad and returned to the main house to watch movies with Jake and Seth. Seth left after the second one to catch some sleep before he swapped patrol with Embry. We had watched four and had just started the fifth when I could no longer keep my eyes open. I remember falling asleep against Jake and faintly remember him getting up at some point because I felt a pillow being put under my head. Some of the calmness waned as the memories came back and I felt the despair creeping back in so I laid back down on his chest and he wrapped his arms protectively around me. They were the only ones besides my parents that held me with so much love. Then glimpses of the horrid nightmares began. Nightmares I wanted to disappear started making their way into my mind and I cowered into him whimpering. My eyes started to tear up again.

"Shhh, baby. I've got you." He whispered as he held me tightly to him. This time however instead of kissing the top of my head, he kissed my cheek but this kiss lingered on my cheek or so it seemed to me. A wave of heat went through me and my heart surged in response but it was my physical reaction that surprised me. Instead of trying to pull away to run from him as I have in the past, I leant into the kiss. It was as if I could feel his love for me in his kiss.

I lifted my head up to look at him curious as to why he had kissed my cheek and noticed he was looking intently down at me. He was looking at me as if I was the only and most precious person in the world. It took me only a moment to recognised the look, it was the same one as the night I reached up and caressed his cheek without thinking. The night I went back to Grandpa's totally confused by the emotions that ran through me. I wanted to look away but I could not. His gaze held me. His eyes were filled with love. That was when it hit me. Could the reason my emotions were all over the place and why I was so confused be that I liked Jake as more than a friend? Was I in love with him? Was it possible he felt the same way? The corners of my mouth twitched with the start of a smile at that thought.

He must have been watching for some reaction in me because a grin crossed his face and he bent slowly towards me. My mind instantly making the connection of what he was about to do. He was going to kiss me. Once I realised this my mind and heart started fighting with each other. My heart was saying yes but my mind was saying no. Deep down I knew this was wrong, these feelings were forbidden but I wanted so badly for him to love me. Not as just a friend but more. He was my best friend, he was family, he was also one of my parents closest friends. And even if Jake did feel something more than friendship towards me my parents would never allow it. He was twenty two and I was not quite seventeen. But I held on to that small hope that he liked me too so I leant towards him wanting the same thing.

We both heard the barely audible footsteps of someone approaching. He stopped and my eyes flickered towards the door in the same instance. He pulled away and I dropped my head back to his chest and closed my eyes listening to his heart beating.

"Damn it Edward." he cursed under his breath as I let out a small sigh. It sounded like he was furious by the interruption. I looked at him confused by the comment. Why did he blame dad? I thought about it for a few seconds until it occurred to me that dad would have heard what I was thinking. Did Dad deliberately interrupt us? Was Jake thinking the same? Did Jake like me as more that a friend too? Did he really wanted to kiss me? My mind was racing with unanswered questions.

There was a light wrap on the door. When I made no effort to answer he called quietly "Come in."

"Is she awake?" Mum asked as she entered.

"Yes." I answered at the same time as Jake said "Yes Bella, but you already knew that." I was surprised by his tone towards her. He was so callous. Usually he left that for dad. Mum grimaced and turned her attention to me.

"How are you feeling sweetie?" She was searching my face for something.

"A little tired but I do not want to go back to sleep." She nodded. I knew if I did the nightmares would return.

"Can you ring Sam he has been trying to get in contact with you. He said it was urgent." Mum told Jake.

"You all knew I had my cell turned off. You didn't want it to wake Nessie. You should have come and gotten me." he replied tersely but he pulled out his cell and turned it back on.

Mum ignored his outburst and responded politely with "Which is why I am here now. To let you know he rang again a couple of minutes ago." She looked from Jake to me and back again

Before he could ring Sam dad called out, "Jacob. Can you come downstairs for a minute. I need to speak with you."

"Aargh." Jake growled and I wondered what was going on.

He squeezed me gently before he kissed the top of my head and then unexpectedly he kissed my cheek sending my heart racing. I saw the side of his mouth twitch at my reaction, a hint of a smile escaping. I had no doubt mum heard my reaction too but she gave no indication she had.

"I'll be back soon, I promise." He whispered before he got up and headed for the door. I nodded. My mouth could not make out any words and he smiled - my smile at me.

As he walked past mum he said "I hope he knows what he's doing. I don't think I can forgive him this time."

"I know. Just be patient." she replied touching him lightly on his arm.

"I have been." He responded and then he left.

I watched the empty doorway not even realising mum had actually closed the door and was now sitting on the bed next to me. What was going on?

"Mum, what is happening?" I threw at her.

"Nothing sweetie. I want to know how you are feeling."

I ignored her question and responded with "Mum, I may have been out of it the last couple of," I hesitated and took a guess, "I am presuming days." She nodded. "But I am not stupid. What is going on?"

"A misunderstanding between dad and Jacob that's all." She offered as an explanation.

"Is that why you closed the door? You did not want me to hear them arguing?" She shrugged. "You know that will not stop me from hearing them." She shrugged again.

Whether she closed the door or not I was always going to hear part of their misunderstanding as she put it. Both of them had volatile tempers, they could erupt in an instant. It did not take long for Jake and dad to get into it.

"Mum, please what is going on?" There was something she was not telling me. She was pre-occupied with listening to the conversation downstairs.

"Hello earth to mum," I waved my hand in front of her face to get her attention and she grimaced. "Please. What is going on?"

I did not hear the first part of it, trying to get mum to answer me, so I presumed it started out civilly but it grew more and more heated.

"You can't have it both ways Edward. I have done everything you have asked." Jake shouted at dad and I cringed. I could imagine the fury rolling off him.

"And I agreed with you to not saying anything." Dad shouted back

"And I complied with your stipulation that I wait until…" he countered.

"I didn't want to interfere but I had to. Please ring Sam." interrupting him.

"You knew this day was coming. I can't just flip a switch each time you think it's not the right time. It's hurting both of us." He sounded frustrated again.

"Jake I know and I don't expect you to but please, trust me not today. Just ring Sam. He said it was an emergency." Dad pleaded with Jake.

I had no clue as to what they were talking about but it quietened down. Jake must have gone outside to ring Sam still fuming because he snapped "This had better be important." At him.

Their conversation flowed in my window. Abruptly Jake's attitude changed.

"When?" It was quiet for a minute and then he asked, "Does Rach know?" His voice was full of concern.

"Tell Paul to keep her there. I'll organise a flight and be there as soon as I can. Can you organise patrols with Leah for me? I don't know when I'll be back and with the rogues about I don't want anyone unprotected." My heart sank. Jake was going away and I did not know when he would return. I knew my thoughts were selfish but I was finally starting to sort my head out and now he was going to leave.

He listened for moment and then answered "Thanks Sam. Sorry about before. You caught me…" Sam must have cut in. "Yeah with Edward but that's nothing new." He laughed. "I'll see you soon."


	12. Chapter 12

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

**Chapter 12 - Empty**

I looked at mum and she looked sad. She must already know what was going on.

"Mum? Is everything alright?" I asked.

She did not reply but looked towards the door. She could hear someone coming. A second later so could I. Jake hesitated at the closed door.

Before I could say anything mum said softly, "You can come in Jake."

After a few seconds had passed and he did not come in she got up and walked to the door. When she opened it he was slumped against the wall opposite it with his head in his hands. He looked absolutely devastated. She rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around him. I have to admit it made me a little jealous. I wanted to get up and go to him but I stayed where I was.

"Jake? Do you want some time alone with Renesmee before you go?" She asked softly.

"I can't go Bella." He said defeated but he did not lift his head.

"You and Rachel are her family. She needs you."

"I know she needs me. It's just.." He looked up at me "I don't know if I can leave." The pain in his eyes was heart breaking. He was torn between going and staying. His eyes appeared to be pleading with me to tell him to stay.

"I'll go organise a flight and give you some time with Renesmee." She kissed his forehead and then left.

We sat there staring at each other. I willed myself to go to him but I was unable to make myself move.

Eventually I was able to get out "Jake, what happened?"

"Rebecca, her husband Aiden and their two kids have been in a serious car accident. Rebecca is in an induced coma with serious head trauma. Aiden has internal injuries and was being operated on when I spoke with Sam just now. He also had both of his legs broken. Stephanie is going to be alright. She has a broken arm and lacerations but Tim her youngest was killed instantly." His voice was barely audible when he finished and he dropped his head back into his hands. Everything I had been through in the last few days seemed suddenly insignificant and I threw myself on the floor next to him, wrapping my arms around him.

It was as if all his strength and composure had been used to tell me and he had nothing left to keep him together any longer. His body sagged as he broke drown and he pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me. Using my body to hold his upright.

"I am so sorry." Tears spilled down my face at his loss. I tried to comfort him but I was not sure what to do. "So sorry." I repeated unable to think of anything else to say. I knew in that moment he had to go and I would make him if I needed to. He would never forgive himself if was not there for Rebecca when she needed him the most.

Like he had done to me so many times these last few days I held him. Well I sat there with my arms around him, he was just too big for me to hold. Knowing all I could do was sit there with him until he had let everything out.

Eventually he stopped and we sat there not moving, just holding each other. Every now and then he would kiss my hair and it would send heat waves through me causing my heart to race erratically. I closed my eyes and savoured each one knowing that he would be leaving sooner than I wanted.

I lifted my head as I heard light footsteps coming up the hall but Jake kept his head down.

"Jacob. Edward was able to get you onto a flight in four hours from Port Angeles. I'll meet you in La Push in two hours to drive you, Rachel and Paul to the airport." Mum advised him.

He tightened his hold on me for a moment and kissed my head and cheek again. Then he let me go. Placing me on the floor next to him. I knew with how he was feeling he would prefer to run as a wolf back to La Push. He looked dejected as he pulled himself off the floor. He said nothing and he did not look back as he went down the stairs and out the door.

I stayed on the floor where he put me staring after him. I wanted to be strong and I knew he had to leave but the peace and calmness I felt as his arms held me possessively but protectively to him had deserted me. I knew the nightmares were there on the edge patiently waiting for me to close my eyes and let them back in. The thought of the them terrified me. I had never felt so scared. I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. When that did not help, I started to rock myself back and forth. Mum's cold arms wrapped around me, pulling me close and holding me tightly but unlike Jakes they did little to comfort me.

"Shhh, sweetie. It's going to be alright." Mum said soothingly rocking me. "He'll be back sooner than you think." I sat there trying to hold myself together but I was losing the battle. I was not that strong.

Suddenly the world closed in around me and it was as if all the air had been taken away and I gasped. I pushed away from mum and raced outside collapsing onto my knees on the grass shaking with fear.

"Jake!" I screamed for him to come back and hold me again, to take away this feeling of terror but I knew it would do no good, he would be almost to La Push by now. I tried to take deep breaths, trying to get in as much air as I could, but the terror running through me stopped me from getting air into my lungs. Curling up on the ground I wrapped my arms around myself gasping as the terror engulfed me.

In the background I vaguely heard a conversation taking place. They had obviously followed me out.

"Jasper." Alice said.

Just as I started to feel the terror ease dad said, "No Jasper, she needs to get it out," and then it came rushing back. I shrieked in fear as the terror took hold again.

"Edward please." Mum pleaded with him as she tried without success to pull me back into her arms. "Shhh, sweetie." she said trying to calm me.

"Bella, honey she needs this. I know it's hard to watch but she needs to let it out."

"But Edward, Charlie said she has been crying herself to sleep. She is not coping. She hasn't coped all summer. We've let this go on too long. I should have insisted after their fight that he tell her." Mum said.

"Bella, this is not about that. She's knows the nightmares will return as soon as she closes her eyes. She is terrified again. The second Jake put her down the fear started creeping back in. When she realised he was not holding her anymore, that he was gone and not coming back it took hold of her."

I lost their conversation as a new wave of terror hit me. This time they did not react as I cried out. They left me where I was. I was vaguely aware of time passing as the shadows moved across the lawn but I stayed where I was. Eventually the tremors and fear eased. Emotionally spent I laid where I was concentrating on breathing in and out. Trying without success not to think of Jake. Of the closeness we had shared these last few days.

I heard mum telling dad that she was leaving to take Jake, Rachel and Paul to the airport. Had I been out here two hours?

It scared me so much to say it and I fought off the new wave of terror that was trying to make its way into my mind but very quietly I said "Make him leave. Make him go to Rebecca." Mum said nothing only nodding her head so I knew she heard me.

Once I heard her car driving away I took some deep breaths knowing I had made my decision and I could not change anything now. Jake was going and I needed to be strong. Slowly I sat up and looked around. It was raining heavily and I was drenched. I had not even felt it falling on me.

"No! Put me down." I yelled at dad as he picked me up and ran me inside putting me in a hot shower fully clothed.

I sat where he left me letting the water wash over me. When I made no attempt to move he started lifting my shirt to remove it.

"Dad, don't." I shouted pushing at him. I clutched at my shirt pulling it back down. "Get your hands off me"

"Edward!" Alice snapped at him pulling him off me. "Honestly. She is not a little girl anymore. Give us some privacy." and she pushed him out of the bathroom, slamming the door in his stunned face.

She turned back to me and shook her head with a smile across her face. "Sorry about that. I should have seen it coming." I tried to smile but the muscles in my face would not move instead I sat their staring blankly at the wall in front of me.

"Ness, honey. Generally when you have a shower you take your clothes off." I heard what she was saying but made no effort to remove them. It was not my idea to have a shower.

"Do you want me to help you?" I shrugged.

Alice took my shrug as a yes and undressed me. She washed my hair and then held out a sponge and soap but again I made no move to take them so she washed me as well. Once she was finished she turned the water off. Before I knew it I was dressed and she was drying my hair. When she was finished she took my hand and led me to my room.

As we were entering my cell vibrated. A message. I ignored it and sat on my bed. It vibrated again.

"Aren't you going to see who it's from?" Alice asked.

I shook my head. There was only one person I wanted it to be from and that was impossible. He would be in the air now.

"Do you want me to take a look?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Ness this silent treatment is getting a little thin."

"I am sorry." was all I could manage to say as she flipped open my cell and took a look.

"Ness." She sounded excited handing me my cell.

I took a look at the screen. The message was from Jake. My heart skipped a beat as took it from her.

I'm sorry you're hurting

because of me. I really

messed up. I miss you

already. Your Jake.

Without thinking I replied back immediately.

Miss you already too.

Your Nessie.

It was what we had always said to each other when we had to be separated for more than a week. I reread his message taking it in. "Ness, are you alright." I shook my head, handing her my cell.

"Why would he think he hurt me. How could he think he did something wrong? It was not his fault he had to leave. He is needed by his family." I said. My voice sounded so out of place after not talking.

"He feels responsible for all your pain these last few months."

"Why would he think that?"

"You already know. Search your memories." and then she was gone before I could ask her anything more.

At first I stayed on my bed reading his message again and again trying to work out what Alice was saying. I searched my memories but nothing came back to me. When I could find no answer I sat frustrated on the window sill watching the rain falling silently. Making streams across the yard. I was still sitting there when mum returned. The lights of dad's Volvo shining through the trees as she sped along the driveway and up into the garage.

I heard her ask "How is she?" as soon as she opened the car door.

"She's good. She's in her room watching the rain." dad answered. "What about Jake?"

"He's hanging in there. It took Sam and I nearly half an hour to convince him to get on the plane. I had to let him send her a message before he would get on it. Did she get it?" I did the right thing, I told myself.

"Yeah, she got it. She's confused by it though." Alice responded.

"Why?"

"He apologised for all her pain. She doesn't understand why he said that. I told her she knew the answers."

"Alice. We promised Jake." Mum's voice had an angry edge to it that I did not understand. Then again there was a lot that I did not understand lately.

"I know. They'll work it out. Together." She chimed in reply. I could hear the smile in her voice.

"She hasn't put all the pieces together yet but she knows Jake is the answer. I heard it in her mind, she worked most of it out before I interrupted them. I wish I hadn't but I needed to. He needs to be with Rachel and Rebecca at the moment. We need to be here for Nessie until he returns." Dad explained.

My mind did not miss this comment, in fact it jumped on it. Dad deliberately interrupted our kiss. I was right. Did that mean Jake liked me and they knew about it? Were mum and dad okay with Jake and I being together? Then another comment came back to me. One that seemed to be said so long ago. Jake and I were on the floor in my room at the cottage and he was holding me. 'I'm not letting you go.' he had said. Then he kissed the top of my head. I smiled at that memory. Then he said, 'Ever'. I knew then that I had my answer. Jake loved me.


	13. Chapter 13

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

****

Chapter 13 - What Memories?

For the first time in days a smile twitched at the corner of my mouth. I could hear the chatter from downstairs as they continued their conversation about me. Mum was worried I was going to slip back into a terror filled daze and dad was trying to convince her I was okay, I was just worried about Jake but my mind did not focus on their conversation for very long. My thoughts returned to Jake. I allowed the twitch to develop into a full smile at these thoughts and it spread across my face. Jake loved me I repeated to myself. He actually loved me. He felt the same way about me that I felt about him.

Now that I had worked that part out I was determined to find the rest of the answer Alice had hinted at. She said I knew the answer I just had to search my memories so I tried again. Was Jake holding me and telling me he was never going to let me go, ever, the memory she wanted me to remember? No. I thought to myself. She was implying something else. I remembered back to the start when everything changed between Jake and me. The night my life went from perfect to a complete disaster in an instant. The night I took a human life. The night of the concert. I shuddered at that memory.

I reread his message again.

I'm sorry you're hurting

because of me. I really

messed up. I miss you

already. Your Jake.

What was I missing? What did he think he messed up? What was it Alice wanted me to figure out?

She said Jake felt responsible for all my pain. I searched through the summer from hell that I had had. The only answer I could come up with was Jake felt responsible for my nightmare but I knew dad felt the same way so it could not be that.

'Aargh' I snarled at myself frustrated. I was getting no where so I turned my thoughts to mum and dad and where all this stood with them. Would they allow it? Dad interrupted us. He said he didn't want to but he had to. Did that mean yes? My mind was racing with questions. I was so pre-occupied with these thoughts that I did not hear them approach my door.

"Ness, sweetie. Can we come in?" Dad asked and I jumped startled. It took me a moment to answer.

"Mum can, you can't." I snapped taking the frustration I was feeling out on him. Also I still had not forgiven him for trying to undress me in the shower.

It must have taken him a moment to work out what was wrong because he said, "I'm sorry sweetie. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Stay out dad, I mean it." I looked around my room for something to hurl at him if he attempted to come in but it was pitifully short on objects that I could throw at him. I ended up picking up the stuffed wolf Jake had given me that was on the bed next to me. It was the only object within reach and the only one that would not break if he decided to chance it and duck to get out of the way. He chuckled. He had seen what I was planning.

"Edward, why is Renesmee mad at you?" Mum asked obviously confused as to why I would be mad a him.

"After you left I threw her in the shower to warm her up. She was starting to shiver. When she made no attempt to get undressed, I sort of tried to do it for her." he said sheepishly. I could imagine the chagrin look he would be attempting to hide from mum as he told her.

"Honestly Edward. What were you thinking? She's a young lady now. She wants privacy and doesn't want you seeing her naked." I stifled a giggle at her tone. I could hear her trying to be serious but I imagined she was shaking her head at him and trying not to laugh.

"I know, I know. Alice already had a go at me." I imagined him putting his hand up in defeat.

"Good. Now leave us girls alone so we can talk."

"That is a lame weapon sweetie." He called out as I heard him head for the stairs.

"It is the best I could do since the real one is not here." I called after him.

I heard him laugh but he managed to answer. "The real one wouldn't do you any good. I'd still whip his butt."

"Dream on dad." I rolled my eyes but I knew that dad would beat Jake easily. Jake lets dad into his mind too easy and dad would take full advantage of it.

"Too right." he said. I sighed.

Mum opened my door and came in. When she looked at me confused, I held up the stuffed wolf. She made the connection and we both laughed. It sounded odd after so much sadness and crying but it felt right.

Once we had stopped mum asked, "How you holding up sweetie? You are sounding a little better." It sounded like she had something else on her mind.

"If I said happy, confused, scared and frustrated all at the same time would that make me crazy?"

"No." she said but her voice sounded a million miles away.

"Mum, what's wrong?" I asked curious about her expression.

"Nothing sweetie." She shook her head. I looked at her concerned this time. "Nothing honestly. I know you're worried about Jacob." She sat down next to me and put her arm around me. "Everything will work itself out."

"I know." A smile crossed my face and mum smiled back at me.

"Sweetie, we really need to talk about you and Jake."

This talk was starting to feel ominous. I prayed she was not going to have another sex talk with me. I heard dad chuckle and sighed.

"Mum, you do not need to do this. We have already had this talk remember."

"We're not having that talk again." She smiled as she said.

"Then what?" I asked confused.

"Surely you have some questions that you want answered?"

"Well I do but I am not sure what to ask." Once I had said that there was one question I did want answered but only dad could give me the answer.

"Dad, can you come up here please?" I called. Dad appeared in the doorway with his hands guarding his face.

"I promise I will not throw anything at you but you are not forgiven yet." I tried to be serious but I failed miserably. I just could not stay mad at him.

When he entered instead of sitting my bed with mum he walked over to the window and stared out at the rain that was still falling. Mum looked over to him, her face was unreadable but he did not notice.

"Edward?" She prompted after about a minute.

"Huh." He looked back at her with an apologetic smile. "Sorry lost in thought." He came and sat on the other side of me on the bed.

"What is going on?" I looked back and forth between them. Neither of them said anything.

Finally dad spoke. "You have a question for me?" He looked at mum and I realised he did not want to have this conversation now.

"Come on dad, you know exactly what I am thinking and you knew I had questions for you." A deep furrow creased my brow. It was harder to ask than I thought.

I took a deep breath to find the courage to ask the questions I knew I needed to ask. I started with the most important question to me first. "Why? Why did you stop Jake from kissing me?"

The look on his face showed he knew this one was coming but he hoped I would not ask it first. I looked at him waiting for an answer and he nodded at my thoughts.

"He is needed by his family and if he had then he would not have gone. He would have insisted on staying here or taking you with him and that is something we," he looked to mum and then back to me, "would not have agreed to."

"Dad, what do you mean?"

He took a deep breath but replied, "You have to understand sweetie everything is not as simple as it seems. I know this makes no sense to you but I am sure you will work it out sooner rather than later. It's not that we don't want to, it's what we promised Jacob. We promised Jacob to let him explain the reason when he returns. That is the best answer I can give you."

"But you were the one to stop it, not Jake. Why would he need to explain it to me? The reason is yours not his." I insisted.

His jaw set and he turned to mum. "I said this was a bad idea but you and Alice said now was the right time. I should never have agreed to this. It will only confuse her more."

"What is going on and do not lie to me." I demanded. I knew they were keeping something from me and I wanted to know what it was.

"I can't answer you. As I said we promised Jacob."

Great I thought to myself. They were going to keep more secrets from me.

"No sweetie, not secrets. You actually know everything you just haven't remembered it yet. That's all."

"But I have tried. I have been wracking my brain up here ever since Alice left and I still have no idea what it is I am supposed to remember." I said exacerbated.

"Sweetie, it will come back to you. Don't try so hard. You will work it out."

"That is easy for you to say. You are not the one who has no idea what is going on and the memories which will explain it seemed to have decided to go missing in action." I got up frustrated from my bed and sat on my window sill.

"Please sweetie, just give yourself some time. For us, for Jake." I nodded slowly. I did not like feeling this way but I trusted them. I decided to ask another question instead.

"Alright. Since you are determined I have to wait for Jake to return to explain this to me are okay with me and Jake as more than friends?"

Dad looked away and I knew he had issues but mum smiled.

"Of course we are. Why would you think differently?"

"Well firstly dad's reaction. I know he is upset about it. Also because of the age difference." I looked down at my hands as I answered.

"Sweetie," Dad picked me up off the window sill and held me in his lap. "I'm not supposed to like it. You are my little girl. I am meant to protect you plus I'm not ready to let you go just yet.

"Dad, I will always be your little girl and if you have not noticed I am not going anywhere."

"I know. I just want you to be happy. I want you to find your soul mate like I did with your mum. If that is with Jake then it is your decision - not mine. Plus you are forgetting I can read his mind and he knows it. If he so much as thinks about hurting you, his life will not be worth living." He grinned at me as he kissed my cheek.

"It still does not explain why you would allow us to be together considering the age difference."

"Jacob is the same age as you." Dad answered.

"Huh." Mum stifled a laugh. Jake had to be at least six years older than me, if not more.

"Jacob is sixteen too. When the wolf gene kicks in they stop aging."

"So will Jake stay sixteen forever like you being seventeen?" I mentioned dad's age instead of mum's because it was a sore point with her. She claims she is still eighteen but Alice said they celebrated her nineteenth birthday the day she opened her eyes as a vampire. I saw dad's mouth twitch in a smile at that thought.

"No. He will stay sixteen until he stops phasing for a long period of time."

"So, let me get this right. As long as he keeps phasing he will stay sixteen." Dad nodded slowly as he watched closely for my reaction. "So when he stops he will start aging again? "And" I hesitated. I did not like the understanding I was getting out of this conversation. I swallowed hard at the fear that was creeping in as I asked. "Then he will eventually get old and die?"

"Yes." He answered calmly. A shudder went through my body and my heart sank. I concentrated on taking deep breaths to keep the fear at bay. It did not matter that I loved him and he loved me. He would die and I would continue to live. It may not be for many years but it would happen.

"It's going to be alright sweetie."

"How can you say that?" I yelled at him. This could not be happening. I just worked out that he loved me and now I knew he would die and I would live. What kind of world did I live in? "I just worked out that eventually Jake will die and I will continue to keep on living and you tell me everything is going to be alright."

"Ness as long as there are vampires around Jacob will keep phasing. He is not going to stop until he has no choice. He is not going to leave you." He tried to calm me down but I was beyond it.

"Get out. Get out. Get out. Get out." I screamed at them.

"Sweetheart please." Mum pleaded.

"I told you this would happen but no one would believe me." Dad said snapped at mum.

Great. Now I am inflicting pain on everyone around? I thought to my self.

"Just leave me alone." I watched as they both left. I sat on the window sill and pulled my legs to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Was this nightmare ever going to end? Would my life ever make sense?


	14. Chapter 14

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

**Chapter 14 - Scents**

I listened to them argue as they left. The main reason they usually argued was Jake, lately though they had been arguing a lot over me. I hated it more than anything in the world. Why could they not just agree for a change?

"I told you she was not ready to hear all this. Now she is even more confused and frightened. I can feel it in her mind."

"She will be fine Edward. She needed to hear it now. She needed to know what could happen before she makes her choice. Before Jacob tells her the rest. Anyway Alice said everything will work out."

"Do you think she wants to hear what Jacob has to say right now? We just shattered her world again. Hasn't she been through enough this summer without being hurt anymore? Anyway Alice can't see Nessie's or Jacob's future and you know it. She never has. She only sees ours when Nessie is not around. So how can you believe her when she says everything will work out." His voice was so loud and heated I was sure anyone within a mile could hear him.

I chased after them and put myself between them. "Stop it! Please!" I begged them. I could not take this anymore. They both looked at me shocked. When they continued to stand there I raced back to my room and grabbed the first bag I laid my hands on and started stuffing clothes into it. As soon as it was full I headed for the door grabbing my cell and stuffed wolf as I passed my bed. I took the wolf because it was the one thing that reminded me of Jake and I wanted nothing more than for him to be here right now and explain everything then sprinted down the stairs. I snatched my keys off the table and raced out the door before anyone could think to stop me although I was sure dad knew what I was doing.

I was so mad and so very confused. After everything that had happened this summer they still would not take the confusion away and even worse they were still making decisions for me.

"I'll be at Grandpa's. When you think I am ready to hear everything since you obviously think I am not and have finished living my life for me, I'll think about coming home." I yelled back towards the house.

I jumped into my car and sped off. Dirt spraying out behind my car at my hasty departure. Once I hit the highway I put my foot down. Who was going to pull me over anyway? Grandpa? I laughed out loud at the thought of him stopping me and issuing me with a ticket. As I laughed I felt some of the anger leave me.

Even though I had said I was going to Grandpa's it was Jake I wanted and needed to be closer to so I headed to La Push. It did not take me long to reach the old treaty line. The treaty was still in effect but there had been changes made to it after the Volturi visit. The main reason for the treaty was still there, being we could not kill or change a human however the biggest change was the removal of the treaty line. Since we had moved the wolves now patrolled the whole area and we were given permission to enter the reservation. This allowed me to spend the summer breaks with Jake and the packs at La Push. Some of the relationships between the wolves and vampires were still strained but everyone made an effort to get along.

Once I got to the reservation I headed for Jake's house. He would not mind me staying there and I knew it would be empty since Jake, Rachel and Paul had all gone to be with Rebecca. I pulled up out the front and looked out into the darkness. The empty house had an ominous feel to it. Maybe this was not the best idea, I thought to myself. For the first time tonight I looked at the clock. It was almost ten p.m.

Stop being such a scaredy cat I said to myself. It is only dark because there are no lights on. Just go inside and turn one on. I got out and headed for the house. I turned the handle on the front door. It was unlocked. I remembered Jake had said he never locked the door as the guys stayed here when they came to visit. Did that mean Embry would be staying here? If he was, then was he on patrol? I felt just inside the door for the light switch. When I found it I flicked it on. The lounge room lit up.

I could smell Embry, Rachel and Paul's scents strongly but Jake's was faint, very faint. I did not understand. It was his house. He had been here the whole summer. I moved through the house and into his room only it was no longer his. Rachel and Paul had set it up as their room. Both of their scents were overpowering but they were not fresh. I closed the door and headed for the other bedroom in the small house. This had been Billy's room. I turned the handle and again it was not Jake's room. Embry's scent was everywhere in here. His scent was fresh. It was less than an hour old. He must be staying here. Now I was thoroughly confused. Where did Jake stay? Where had he been sleeping all summer?

Disappointment ran through me. I had been holding onto the hope that maybe with Jake's scent filling my senses I would able to find some of the missing pieces to my memories. Maybe I would be able to fall asleep knowing that even though he was not here physically, he was still with me in some small way. Suddenly his house held nothing for me. I did not want to be here any longer. I left, turning the lights off as I went. I did not want to go back to the main house but where else was there to go?

"Nessie!" A familiar voice called as I was about to get into my car. I swung my head around at the sound of my name. It was Sam.

"Hey Sam."

"Nessie. What are you doing here? Your parents are looking for you."

"Grrrrrr." I muttered angrily to myself. I could not even storm out the house without being tailed.

"They called Charlie to see if you made it. When he said no they rang and asked me to check if you came here. They said you were upset. They are worried."

"I needed some air." I lied innocently to him.

He raised an eyebrow questioningly at me and looked towards the house. Jake would have told him what had happened I was sure of it.

"I could not take it anymore. They will only tell me bits and pieces because they think I either do not want to hear it or because they promised Jake he could tell me so I packed a bag and I left. I was going to Grandpa's but I decided I wanted to stay at Jake's. I wanted to be closer to him but when I went in it did not feel right." It was not the whole truth but it was close enough.

Yes it was true what I had told him but if I was honest with myself and I was finally starting to trust myself I was hanging on to reality by a thread. I had been given so much to think about, so much to process. My head was swimming. The new information mum and dad had given me about Jake aging and dying whilst I lived scared me. Actually it was more than that, it terrified me. I wanted to be closer to Jake because I was hoping that having his scent fill my senses it would hold off the nightmares. I was hoping it would stop them from returning the moment I closed my eyes. I could feel the tears building but I was determined not to cry. I had done enough of that lately. Sam seemed to sense it too and he wrapped his arms around me.

"Why don't you come and stay with me and Em tonight. Tomorrow you can go to Charlie's if you still want to." I thought about it. At least I would not have to back to the main house.

"Are you sure I will not be intruding?"

"Positive. Em would love to see you again before you head off to Astoria."

At the mention of Astoria my heart sank even further. I was counting on Jake to help me get through being the new kid. The rest of my family had each other. I was not looking forward to starting a new school as the odd one out. I tried several times to convince mum and dad to let Jake start with us but they were adamant that he could not. Alice could not see what happened with Jake and I around.

"Thanks. Would you like a lift?"

"Sure. Why don't you let me drive." I handed Sam the keys and noticed my hands were shaking. He held the passenger door open for me and then jumped in the drivers side and we headed to his house.

He helped me out the car and as we headed inside I was surprised at how relaxed and safe I felt. The fear that had been building had left me. It was if Jake was here with me, holding me. I could smell his scent everywhere. I inhaled deeply.

Without thinking I asked, "Sam, why is Jake's scent all around?"

"He was here when Bella picked him up to go to the airport." Sam replied.

"No. I mean, when I went to his house his scent was faint, very faint. It was as if he had not been there in months. Here, I can smell him everywhere. His scent seems to cling to everything. It is just as strong as yours."

"He does hang out here a lot." he offered.

It was more than that, I was positive. There was something he was not telling me. That was when it hit me.

"Has Jake been staying here?" I asked. It was the only thing that made sense. The only reason why his scent was so strong here. He had to be here often and for an extended period for it to cling to everything like Sam's.

Sam took a deep breath thinking about how to answer and I knew I had guessed right. "On and off all summer. He always does though. Every time he comes here he stays with Em and I. I think Rach and Paul make him feel uncomfortable." There was more that he was not saying but I did not push it. I was glad he at least had somewhere that felt like home to him.

"Nessie!" Emily called excitedly as she came out of her room. She rushed over and hugged me. I could not help but smile. I dropped my bag and hugged her back.

"Hey Emily." She let me go and looked down at the bag that was now on the floor at our feet.

Before she could ask what was happening, Sam interceded. "I invited Nessie to stay the night. I found her out the front of Jake's house. She was going to go to Charlie's but I thought you might like to catch up."

'Thanks' I mouthed to Sam over Emily's shoulder. He nodded.

"Sorry about the intrusion." I apologised.

"Not at all. You are always welcome here. You are family anyway. Come on." She grabbed my hand and pulled me along after her. "You can sleep in the spare room."

"Sam. Ring Bella and Edward and let them know Nessie is here and she will be staying with us tonight." she called after us. I heard Sam pick up his cell and move outside to make the call.

She led me to the spare room in their tiny house. When she opened the door the scent that flowed out threatened to overwhelm me. I gasped in shock at how powerfully it hit me. Jake's scent filled my senses. Emily's head whipped around to look at me.

"Nessie. Are you alright?" she asked.

I ignored her question and continued on into the room taking in as much of Jake's scent as I could. It was the smell of the woods and bracken after a sun shower. It was the smell of fresh cut timber and it had a hint of musk. It was Jake and it filled me up making me feel completely safe. I sat down on the bed and I smiled. Really smiled. It was one of those smiles that no matter how hard you tried you could not make it disappear. It was my smile, just for Jake.

"Nessie?" She asked

She searched my face and her face lit up in recognition of what she was seeing.

"You know. Did Jake tell you?" She beamed.

"Tell me what?" Before she could say anything Sam entered the room and wrapped his arms around her.

"No Em. He hasn't told her." he said.

"Then why is she smiling like a Cheshire cat?" She frowned as she looked back and forth between Sam and me confused.

"Because I worked out I love him." I answered. My voice filled with love for him.

I was not sure how much Jake had told Sam of what had happened the last few days so I thought I would find out. I was not sure why but Emily believed I was family and I felt connected to her and Sam. I wondered if it had something to do with the pack and the answer I was yet to find.

"Sam. Em. How much do you know of what happened to me the last few days?"

"When Jake came back today he only grabbed some clothes, waited for Bella to get here and then left. He did not leave the room or speak to anyone. He was so upset." Emily answered she looked sad at the memory.

"Sam?"

"I know what happened. Jake asked to speak to me in wolf form before he left. He has shown me everything. I'm sorry Nessie. Sorry for what we put you through."

"Sam. No. Do not apologise. I am starting to understand why you made the decision you did. I am not there yet but I am getting there." He nodded.

"Sam? Nessie? What are you talking about?" Emily asked him.

"It might be easier if Nessie shows you." he replied. "Nessie?" He turned to me.

"Sure." Emily deserved to know what happened. She needed to understand why Sam felt the need to apologise. I stood up and put my hand to Emily's face to show her what had happened. I did edit a fair bit but I gave her the most important parts - from the concert and the killing, our fight and my reaction to Jake at the main house, the nightmare and then to this morning. I wanted her to understand why Sam felt the need to apologise and why I reacted the way I did. To my surprise when I removed my hand she was crying. She surprised me by pulling me in close and hugging me lovingly but protectively. She reminded me of Esme, so caring.

"I am sorry too Nessie. So sorry for what you have been through." Emily apologised. What was she apologising to me for? She had done nothing to me.

"Emily. You have nothing to apologise for." I assured her.

"Actually Nessie. We do. We all do." She pulled me to the bed and sat us both down. "All of us have known for some time what has been happening to you but…" she stopped and looked at Sam. He nodded.

"We all promised Jake we would not say anything. He didn't want you to feel pressured. He wanted to wait until he was sure you loved him before he told you the rest." She looked down at her hands as she said it.

"What do you mean Emily. I do not understand. No one explains anything they just say Jake will explain."

"Nessie. As much as you want us to tell you and as much as we want to tell you we can't. Jake put an injunction on the packs. As an alpha if he commands you to do something you have to obey. His pack has no choice. I tried to tell you when you came to face your punishment but I couldn't. That is when I realised the injunction affected all of us. I am not sure why but it even affected my pack as well including me. Jake seemed just as surprised as I was about it but it was what he wanted. It is the only time he has forced his alpha status on anyone. What is happening to you, Jake wants it to be your choice, not something that was forced upon you." Sam explained.

"Is that why when you start to say something you stop? The injunction stops you?" He nodded. "Did my family agree as well, even though they are not affected the way you are, to the same injunction?" He nodded again.

I sat there for a few minutes gathering my thoughts. It explained the evasiveness to the questions I had asked my parents earlier. Why they would not give me a straight answer. Another question popped into my head.

"Sam. This afternoon before dad interrupted us, was Jake going to tell me everything?"

He shook his head. "No. Jake was hoping when he kissed you it would trigger your memories. The last part you have to remember for yourself. Jake has no choice about…." He stopped and swallowed hard. He could not seem to speak. Nothing would come out. "Aargh. Damn injunction. I guess I got too close to telling you."

"And that is where everyone loses me. Everyone keeps telling me I have the memories but the more I search the less I seem to know. I do not know what it is I am supposed to remember." I said frustrated again.

"You will work it out, I promise. We'll let you get some sleep" Sam kissed me on the cheek. "Night Nessie." He waited in the doorway for Emily.

"Sweetie. Try not to think about. As much as we want to we can't say anymore but I know you will work this out. It will come back to you when you are ready to remember, not because you are supposed to." She kissed me on the cheek, got up and took Sam's hand.

As she was about to close the door turned back to me and said with a large smile, "You and Jake are destined to be together." Then she left.


	15. Chapter 15

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

**C****hapter 15 - One Piece**

I sat on the bed looking after them. 'Destined to be together' Emily had said. I liked the sound of it, actually I loved it. The earlier smile I had had for Jake returned. I took several more deep breaths inhaling his scent deeply letting it fill me. I felt at peace and totally relaxed.

I rummaged through my bag, pulled out my pyjamas and got changed quickly. Needing a human moment I used the bathroom and brushed my teeth then returned to the room and crawled under the covers. Jake's scent filled my senses again. He may not have been here holding me physically but tonight at least I was going to sleep with him. I laughed quietly to myself at the thought.

It had been an exhausting day again emotionally for me and Sam was right, I was tired. I pulled my stuffed wolf in close, cuddling it to my chest and closed my eyes. As I closed my eyes I saw Jake's face and let sleep take over.

A constant buzzing interrupted a very nice dream. In fact it was down right annoying. I was in total heaven as I sat securely in Jake's arms. We had been watching the sunrise from the diving platform half way up the cliff when I felt the sudden need to see his face, especially his eyes and I turned to search for them. We had spent the night talking and he had told me everything. He was smiling down at me, a silly grin across his face, when he unexpectedly pressed his lips to mine. I felt his lips twitch as he registered my surprise.

Buzz, buzz, buzz, what was that annoying noise. I desperately tried to hold onto to the dream and everything he had told me because I knew how important it was but it disappeared completely the minute I registered my eyes were open.

Buzz, buzz, buzz. I looked over to the nightstand and my phone was vibrating and lighting up. The song I had written for Jake was playing, I had set it as my ring tone just for him. It took my mind a moment to comprehend it was Jake ringing and then I grabbed it.

"Jake! Is everything okay? Is Rebecca alright? What about her husband?" I fired questions off at him worried.

"Ness. Calm down. Everything is fine. That is not…"

"Are you sure?" I interrupted before he could finish. The worst of scenarios ran through my head before I could stop them.

"Positive. Aiden is in recovery, Stephanie has been discharged. Aiden's sister has a daughter her age so she is staying with her and Rach and Paul are sitting with Rebecca. So yes, I'm positive."

"How is she?"

"No change. I wish Carlisle was here to take a look at her. No one will tell us anything."

"Oh Jake. I am so sorry about Rebecca."

"I know. I can't tell you how relieved Rach and I are Aiden has pulled through. It is going to be hard enough to tell Bec about Tim, we really did not want to have to tell her she lost Aiden as well. All we can do now is sit and wait." He sounded relieved but frustrated.

"And we both know how much patience you have." I said jokingly.

"Gee thanks. But as I was trying to tell you before you cut me off, that's not why I'm calling."

"Then why?" He hesitated for a split second before answering.

"I wanted to hear your voice." My heart skipped several beats. "I miss you so much."

"I miss you too. You sound tired." I yawned involuntarily.

"So do you. I'm sorry I woke you." he apologised.

"Hearing your voice is worth being woken up although you interrupted a very nice dream." I tried to scold him but I could not. I missed him more than I thought was possible.

"You sure it wasn't a nightmare?" His voice was full of concern.

"No." I assured him. "It was definitely a dream, a happy dream."

"Nice and happy? You want to tell me about it?" He sounded like he needed me to keep talking to keep his mind off Rebecca for a while and I was not ready for him to hang up so I continued.

"Are you sure? You might not like it." I hedged.

"If it was nice and happy what is there for me not to like about it? Try me."

"Well firstly it would be better if it was real and secondly it would be even better if the star was here with me?"

"Hmmm. That nice. I wish I was there too." His voice made me melt. I really wished he was here right now so my dream would come true.

"Who said you were the star?" I teased.

"It was not about me?" he teased back pretending to sound offended. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Well, Seth and I…." I started but he interrupted me.

"You and Seth eh?" I could hear the smile in his voice as he played along with me.

"Uh-huh." I agreed innocently.

"How did I not know?" He playfully accused.

"Well you have been distracted lately by a gorgeous crazy half vampire girl and her nightmares."

"True. But she was a very nice distraction. And how long has this been going on?" he asked.

"About two months."

"Two months." He sounded shocked. "When did this happened?"

"Well the night of the concert when he looked at me he left me speechless for the first time in my life." I was trying so hard not to laugh, to keep up with my charade.

"Speechless hey. Must have been some look."

"It was. He has the most beautiful eyes I have ever looked into. They held me and sent butterflies through my stomach."

"So in your dream what happened between you and Seth?"

"I don't think you are going to like this part."

"That bad eh?"

"Pretty much."

"So what were you and ahh" he coughed, "Seth doing?"

"Well we were snuggled up on the diving platform. You know the spot half way up that I jump from."

"Yeah. And?"

"Well we were watching the sun rise over the ocean after we had spent the whole night talking. I was in total heaven wrapped in his arms. I turned searching for his eyes but he was looking at me with the silly smile I love so much.

"What happened next?"

"He kissed me." My voice was full of love.

"He kissed you?"

"Hmmm." A glimpse of the kiss in my dream popped into my head. A smile crossed my face.

"So how was it?"

"It was perfect." I gushed.

"Oh." He sounded so disappointed. I could not tell if he was still playing along or if I had really hurt him.

"What is wrong?"

"Nothing. Doesn't matter." Yes he sounded hurt.

"Jake?" I was starting to stress out thinking I had taken it too far.

"Well I was kind of hoping it was me and not Seth you were dreaming about." I sighed with relief he was still playing along. I could not help myself. I had to tell him he was the one who kissed me in my dream.

"Can I make a confession?"

"Alright?"

"It was you in my dream. It was you who kissed me."

"Oh, thank god." He sounded so relieved. "I really didn't want to come back there and whip Seth's butt for moving in on my girl."

We both burst out laughing. It sounded so good to laugh with him. A knock on my door brought me out of my fit of laughter.

"Come in." I called.

"Morning Ness. I heard talking and then you burst out laughing. I just wanted to check you were alright. When I heard you talking I thought you might have been starting to have another nightmare."

"Ness. Why is Sam at the main house?" Jake asked in the background.

"I am fine Sam. Jake rang. Do you want to speak with him?" I held my cell out for him wiping the tears away from my laughing so hard.

"No. I am sure you will tell me later." A huge grin crossed his face. "I'll leave you to it. When you see Em let her know I've gone on patrol and will be back around one." I nodded.

"Sure Sam. Thanks for checking on me." He closed the door I heard his footsteps retreat and then the front door close.

"Ness?" I heard Jake call my name through the my cell. "Ness?" I put it back to my ear.

"Sorry. Sam was just checking up on me."

"I heard. What is Sam doing at the main house?" I laughed.

"I am not at the main house. I am at Sam and Emily's."

"Why?"

I did not answer. I did not know what to say. I wanted to tell him the truth but I knew it would upset him.

When I said nothing he responded with, "I knew I shouldn't have left."

"Jake. No. Rebecca needed you. Of course you should have."

"I should be there with you. I want to be there with you."

"I know. I want you here to." I admitted.

"You still have not explained why you are there and not at the main house."

"You have to promise me you will not get mad at them and you have promise me you will stay there." I did not want to do this over the phone. Not now. Not after we had just laughed together. I did not want to make him mad or sad.

"Ness you are not making any sense. What happened that makes you think I would get mad at, I am gathering your parents, and want to come back?"

"You have to promise me."

"I am not going to promise you anything until you tell me what happened." I could hear the anger building in his voice. "I knew I should have stayed."

"Jake, please. Promise me." I begged him.

I could hear him take a deep breath trying to get the frustration out of his voice before he answered me. "I promise not to get mad and I will stay here."

I went quiet again.

"Ness?" I took a deep breath and began.

"After mum got back from the airport dad and her wanted to talk to me about what had happened. They knew I had questions for them. Dad said he did not want to yet, he did not think I was ready to hear what he had to tell me but mum and Alice said I needed to hear it."

"They promised me they would not say anything."

"They did not tell me anything. They told me you wanted to tell me. Jake what is so important that you have to tell me?"

"I want to tell you but not over the phone. I want to, I need to, be there in person. Please trust me." I could hear the sincerity and pleading for understanding in his words and his voice. Whatever he wanted to tell me was very important to him. I would do it his way.

"I trust you. I just do not like feeling so confused. I am trying to understand. It is like everyone is conspiring to keep this from me."

"I'm sorry you're so confused. Hopefully I can come home soon and I can tell you. But baby you still haven't said why you are staying at Sam and Em's."

I sighed as I answered. "They were fighting over me again, arguing about what they should and should not of told me and I could not take it anymore."

"What did they tell you that would make you fight with them?"

This was the part that I did not want to tell him. I did not know how I would react and did not want to get him upset any further.

"Please Ness. Please tell me." he begged me.

"I asked dad why he stopped you from kissing me and he said it was because you were needed by your family and if he had let it happen then you would not of gone, you would have insisted on staying or taking me with you."

"He's right. I would have stayed." He confessed. "The timing couldn't have been worse. It was so hard to leave. I didn't want to leave things the way they were and I was so mad about having to leave you I nearly phased at the airport. It took Sam and Paul forever to calm me down and Bella pleading with me to get on the plane. I told Bella the only way I would get on the plane was if they would let me speak to you. Bella and Sam both said no, you would be alright, you had your family but they let me send you a message. When we got to Seattle to change planes, I nearly jumped on one straight back but that's when I saw your message. You said 'Your Nessie' and I knew you felt the same way. I knew then that Edward did what was best for both of us. He had seen what both of us were thinking."

"That's what we get for having a mind reader in the family." I laughed.

"What else did they tell you? Why did you fight with them?"

"I asked them if they were okay with you and me being more than friends."

"And what did they say to that?"

"Mum was fine of course but dad surprised me."

"He is against it, isn't he?"

"Actually no. He said he wants me to be happy and find my soul mate like he did with mum. He said if that was with you then it was my decision, not his."

"He said that. He doesn't object?" He sounded totally shocked. I knew he and dad did not always see eye to eye but both of them only wanted what was best for me and this sometime caused conflict between them.

"I know. As I said he surprised me too. Just remember he knows what you are thinking when he is around so you better mind your thoughts from now on." He laughed.

"So you have been avoiding answering my question. Please baby. What did they tell you that made you fight with them?"

"They told me about the wolf gene and it halting you from aging just like what happened to dad. You know him being seventeen forever. When I asked dad if you would stay sixteen he told me only until you stop phasing. I worked the rest out myself. Once you stop phasing you will get old and die. It scared me and I yelled at them to get out. They started arguing about telling me and they would not stop so I grabbed a bag and left. I was going to go to grandpa's but I wanted to be closer to you."

"I'm not going anywhere and I will explain it to you. Explain how it works."

"I just want answers. I just worked it out and now I know that I will lose you."

We both went quiet. I guess we were both thinking about the future. For me it was our future. I was trying to figure out how we could be together, forever.

"Jake?" I whispered.

"Yeah Ness."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too baby."


	16. Chapter 16

Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.

**  
Chapter 16 - Missing Jake**

Our call ended abruptly when Rachel interrupted saying they needed him in Rebecca's room urgently. Jake promised he would call as soon as there was any news. I sent him a text message later that night and another the next morning asking him what was happening but I never got any response. Each night I slept restlessly waiting for a call or message that never came. I kept my cell on me all the time but three days later I still had not heard from him and I started to get worried, really worried. I did not understand why he had not called. It felt like there was something wrong but I could not put my finger on it. Paul had rung a couple of times and had spoken with Sam but when I asked Sam what was happening he just said there was no change.

"Ness, he will ring when he can." Emily said calmly when she saw me checking my cell for missed calls or messages for the hundredth time since I got up on the fourth morning..

"I know. It is just…." I stopped. I did not know how to explain it to her.

"What it is sweetie? What's wrong?"

"I have this feeling something is wrong. I do not understand why but I feel it deep inside me. I just can not put my finger on it."

"Oh sweetie." She walked over to where I was sitting watching her cook and wrapped her arms around me. "Everything is alright. If something was wrong Paul would have let Sam know."

"So why is it Paul ringing Sam and not Jake? Why will Jake not ring me or at least answer my messages?"

I was positive she could hear the combination of fear and disappointment in my voice but she responded calmly, "Have you ever thought he may not want to leave Rebecca?"

"I have but when Jake rang me the first day Rachel had just arrived to sit with Rebecca and ordered him to get some sleep. It sounded like they were going to trade off sitting with her."

She put a hand on my shoulder and another under my chin forcing me to look at her.

"Ness, listen to me. Nothing is wrong. Jake will ring you as soon as he is able to." I knew she was right but I did not want to accept what she was saying. I wanted to hear his voice and more than anything else in the world I wanted to see his face. I wanted to look into gorgeous black eyes and never look away. I wanted to feel his arms around me, the arms that made me feel so safe.

"I feel so lost." I was trying so hard to not cry. I could feel the tears building behind my eyes threatening to break free. "I miss him much more than I thought I would."

"I can guarantee he is missing you as much as you are missing him. Why don't you go have a shower and take a walk along the beach. Clear your head." She kissed my cheek and went back to her cooking.

I did as she suggested heading off to have a shower. The shower felt good and it took away some of the edginess that I was feeling so I headed to the beach but everywhere I looked I saw Jake and it made me miss him more. It brought back the edginess that I was feeling earlier. I could just not shake the feeling that something was wrong, very wrong. Giving up on trying to forget everything I sat on the beach watching the waves crashing onto the shore. The wind had picked up and a misty rain was falling but it did not matter to me. The weather reflected my mood. Alone in my solitude I gave up trying to hold myself together and let the tears flow. That was where Sam found me. The slight jostle of his walk woke me.

"Why are you carrying me?" I asked slightly disorientated.

"You fell asleep on the beach. I'm taking you back to the house." he answered.

"I do not want to go back to the house. Can you put me down please?"

"Ness, you're soaking wet. You need to get dried off." He said and kept walking.

"Sam, please put me down. I can walk myself." I asked again. He sighed and stopped, putting me down carefully.

"Ness, why were you so upset before?" He asked looking directly at me.

"Were you spying on me?" I shot at him accusingly. I thought I had been alone in my misery.

"No just watching out for you whilst I was patrolling."

"Something is not right. Something has happened and no one will tell me what."

"Nothing has happened. There is no change in Rebecca's condition and I promise I will tell you as soon as I know anything."

"Then why has Jake not called me?"

"I can't answer you that. I don't know why he hasn't called you or returned your messages." He would not look at me and I knew he was keeping something from me.

"Sam, please." I grabbed his hand pulling him to a stop. "What is going on? Why won't Jake talk to me?"

My cell going off interrupted our conversation. The first thought I had was finally he was ringing me. I looked at the display with hope to see who was calling but disappointment went through me when I saw it was mum.

"Hi mum." I said answering it.

"Hi sweetie. I was calling to tell you we will be there in about half an hour to take you hunting."

"Alright." Disappointment was evident in my tone.

"Sweetie is everything alright?" I could tell she picked up on my mood.

"It is fine mum. See you soon." I hung up before she could keep probing and turned to Sam expecting him to answer my previous question.

"Sam?" I looked at him expectantly.

"I'm sorry Ness, I have no answer for you." He was lying. He would not look at me.

"Mum is on her way here. When you see her let her know where I am." I snapped at him and stalked off in the opposite direction along the beach.

"Ness. Please come back and get dried off." I did not get very far before Sam grabbed my hand to pulled me towards the house but I pulled my hand from his with a jerk.

"There is no point. They are taking me hunting. I will have a shower when I get back."

He sighed. As he walked away I growled at him, "Why does everyone think I need protecting? I am not a kid anymore!" I knew he heard but he did not respond. He kept walking.

I walked back to where I had sat earlier in the day and sunk to the sand. It was starting to rain in earnest now but I did not care. I was so miserable the sun could have come out and I would not have noticed.

I did not understand all the mood swings that seemed to flow from me. They had only started the night of the concert. The night that Jake looked at me with a depth to his eyes he had never had before. The night I noticed his eyes held more than I ever thought was possible. Now one minute I was happy, the next I was miserable. Why was Jake being away affecting me the way it was? If being in love, if that was what was happening to me, was meant to be the most wonderful and beautiful experience then why was I so miserable? Why was I hurting so much? Why did it feel like the sky was falling down on me and why did I feel like something was wrong, so wrong, that I wanted to get on a plane to search for Jake?

"Aargh." I said to myself frustrated by my thoughts. Now my thoughts made no sense. Why was I thinking I needed to search for Jake rather than to go to him since I knew where he was? I sat and thought about that idea for a few minutes. 'Search for Jake and not go to him' I repeated to myself. 'Search for Jake' That would explain why he had not returned my calls or messages. That would explain why Paul rang Sam to update and not Jake. That would explain why Sam could not tell me anything. He did not know where Jake was and neither did anyone else.

"Renesmee!" I heard a mum call from the other end of the beach.

I turned to look at mum. Somewhere in my assessment of my thoughts the tears had started to fall freely in torrents. I was right. My mind had decided something was wrong, very wrong. Jake was missing. Mum took a quick glance at my face and closed the gap between us in an instant. She wrapped me in an embrace so fierce I thought I would stop breathing.

"Sweetheart, what is it, what's wrong?" She was kissing away the tears that were streaming down my face.

"Jake." I managed to get out in a barely audible whisper.

"What about Jake sweetie?" She gently held my head in her hands.

"Something is wrong. I think he is missing." I choke out.

"He is not missing sweetie. Your dad talked to him this morning."

I struggled out of her arms as she told me this. I could not believe what she had just said. . Another of my sudden mood swings hit me. Now I was angry, furiously angry.

"What!" I screamed at her. I saw her flinch at my tone. I was absolutely miserable, my heart was aching and my mind was making up the worst case scenarios and he was fine.

"Jake is not missing." She repeated.

"I heard that. What do you mean dad talked to him this morning?" I shrieked. My voice sounded unnatural even to me.

"Jake rang this morning." She responded as if nothing was wrong.

"What about?"

"He never said. He just told me Jake had rung whilst Alice and I were out shopping."

"Why did he ring dad and not me?"

"I don't know sweetie. I thought you had been talking to each other all week."

"No, I have not spoken to him all week. He will not answer my messages and has not rung me since the first night I got here. Paul rings Sam to give him updates on Rebecca."

"Is that why you thought something was wrong? Because you hadn't spoken to him?" I nodded.

"Oh sweetie. You really are hopelessly in love with him aren't you?"

"I do not know what it is. All I know is that when he not around it feels like a piece of me is missing and it hurts so much but it is obvious that he does not feel the same way about me. He will never see me as more than a friend." I took in some deep breaths and made a decision. If he did not love me then so be it. It was not like we were going out or that he had even kissed me. He had not even said that he loved me. I would not allow him to hurt me ever again.

"Sweetie, no. He loves you very much."

"No he does not." A sharp pain ripped through me as I said it but I was not going to give into it. I had been crying tear after tear for him and he did not care that I was hurting. He was living as if nothing had happened, as if I did not exist. He was not even missing me.

"If he did love me as I love him he would be answering my messages or returning my calls."

"Sweetie, don't do this. Don't shut him out."

I turned to mum full of resolve and said, "I am ready to come home. I want to leave for Astoria today."

I turned and started walking towards Sam and Emily's. Mum walked beside me not saying anything. When I got back I could tell they were surprised to see me but they said nothing. I walked into Jake's room and started to pack my clothes. The sharp pain I felt at the beach pierce through me again. I gasped in pain but did not stop. I kept stuffing my clothes in. I looked at my stuffed wolf deciding whether or not to take it with me. I left it where it was and turned and walked out the door. I stopped when I got to the living room.

"Thank you for letting me stay here but I think it is time for me to go home." I turned to walk out the door to mum's car.

"Ness, no. Why are you leaving?"

"It is time for me to be with my family. With the people who love me."

"But you are part of our family too. We love you."

"I know you love me but the one person I thought loved me does not feel the same way about me. You will always be part of my family Em but I do not belong here. It is time for me to return home." I gave both of them a hug and then turned on my heal and left.

"Don't do this." Emily begged. She was crying. "He loves you. He really does. You are destined to be together."

I closed my eyes for a split second as my resolve wavered but I did not stop. I opened the door and got in waiting for mum to take me home to my family. To Astoria.


	17. Chapter 17

Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.

**  
Chapter 17 - Daddy's Girl**

When mum pulled up to main house dad was waiting in the garage.

"What's going on? Alice rang about an hour ago and said we were leaving for Astoria today so I had better start packing." His voice was full of concern as he looked from mum to me.

"Renesmee decided it was time for her to come home." mum replied. He was at my door in an instant. I knew he would be scanning my thoughts and I tried hard not to think anything but it was hard. My head was swimming with unwanted thoughts. Most of them too painful to block out. A scowl came onto his face as he obviously heard something he did not like.

"Sweetie, it's good to have you home." He said as he helped me out of the car and gave me a kiss on the forehead and a hug. I hugged him back fiercely. I did not realise until this moment how much I had missed him and needed him. Our argument at the beginning of the week seemed petty after what had happened today. He was my dad and he would always keep me safe.

"I am sorry dad. I am so sorry I left." I said looking up at him. I wanted him to see I meant it.

"I'm sorry too sweetie. I knew what was going on in your head but I still chose what I thought was better for you instead letting you decide. Why don't you go inside and get changed into some dry clothes. I need to speak with mum." he went to let me go but I held on tight. I needed my dad right now. I looked at mum pleadingly. I wasn't ready to let him go yet.

"Actually Edward we haven't been hunting yet. Renesmee wanted to leave straight away. Why don't you take her whilst I finish up packing. I'll keep a change of clothes for her so she can change when she gets back." mum said smiling at me. 'Thank you' I mouthed at her. I closed my eyes trying to stop the tears that were building up and threatening to spill over yet again from actually escaping.

"What's going on Bella?"

"I think it is best if Renesmee tells you. I'll see you when you get back." She kissed both mine and dad's cheeks and headed inside.

"Ness? Honey what happened?" He asked gently in my ear.

I shook my head. "I can't talk about it yet. Can we just go hunting? I'm actually really thirsty."

"Sure. Come on." He let go of me and held out his hand. I took it and he squeezed it gently before we took off towards the river.

Dad and I had come to an understanding when he had gotten to Forks after the first fight Jake and I had ever had. He knew that I would talk to him when I was ready too. Now was one of those times I needed to talk to him but I was not quite ready so we just ran. I tried to forget everything for a while. Running let me work off all of my emotions and find some peace. Peace that I had not had since Jake had left. Just thinking his name hurt but I was more than determined not to let it rule me.

I looked over at dad as I ran and gave him a weak smile. I know pathetic right but it was the best I could do. I loved hunting with him. He was incredible, even better than Emmett. Emmett is an oaf when he hunts, all about the power struggle with the animal. He loves to stir them into a frenzy. He teases them just like he does to us in real life. Dad is the total opposite and I agree with everyone when they say dad is like a mountain lion. He is stealthy and graceful yet quick and powerful. He strikes without warning giving his prey no time to react. To me he is the ultimate hunter.

We had been running for about forty minutes when he struck without warning, locking his arms around me and pulling me to the ground with a sly grin across his face. I definitely did not see it coming. We tumbled over and over and over, only coming to a stop because a tree got in our way. I heard the rumble it gave off as we crashed into it. When I looked back from the direction we had come there was a flattened path of bushes and grass from where had grabbed me to where we stopped.

Without notice he started to tickle me.

"Dad!" I screamed in surprise but he did not stop.

"Stop it." After I got over the shock of his surprise actions I slapped at him to let go of me but I knew it was useless and I started to giggle. I tried to tickle him back but he batted my hands gently away each time I got close.

"Dad, stop." I was giggling away. Tears of laughter running down my face as I struggled to stop him. "Dad, Please stop. I'll wet myself if you keep going."

"Really? Wet yourself?" He seemed surprised by that confession.

"Yes, please stop."

"Alright. I'll stop if you can keep a smile on your face for me."

"Dad." I growled, scowling at him.

"Promise me." He started to tickle me again.

"No stop, please stop." But he continued to tickle me.

"Alright, alright. I promise. Now please stop." I managed to call out between giggles and he ceased to tickle me but he wrapped his arms protectively around me and kissed my cheek. We hadn't had a tickle fight in a long time. Not since Jake had come back when I was twelve and I declared it was too childish for me. We used to have one each time he put me to bed. He would start it when I hugged him before he turned the light out. I knew that he played along with my pathetic efforts to tickle him and I think he rigged to suit him. He never ever let me win. Man I missed having fun with my dad like this.

"Feeling better?" He asked.

"Much." I snuggled into him and kissed his cheek. "Thanks dad."

"I love you sweetie." He kissed my cheek again.

"I love you too dad."

"Now, were you planning on staying the US or were we going to keep on running to Denali?" He let go of me, his smile still across his face.

"Oh. Sorry. I guess I needed the run." Normally we did not go too far, staying within the reserve unless we were going on a weekend hunting trip. I was much slower a runner than the rest of my family and they complained that I slowed them down. That was why Jake and I usually hunted together he didn't mind since most of the time he did not hunt he just kept me company.

"I sort of guessed that. You were a bit tense there for a while."

I lifted my head and inhaled deeply as a scent hit me powerfully. A mountain lion and it was close.

"You want it dad?" He lifted his head as the scent hit him.

"I thought you were thirsty?"

"I am but I know how much you like mountain lion." I smiled at him. "I'll take the deer it's stalking."

"Ready, set…." he whispered

"Go!" We both took off after our chosen prey. I was aware of the startled growl and then the gurgle of the mountain lion as dad cut off his blood supply at the throat just as I struck the deer.

The chase for the deer did not take me long and its struggle was feeble but the blood running down my throat was soothing. It took away some of the burn but not all of it. I needed another one. I let my senses range out. I smelt an odd smell, not one I was used to.

"Dad? What is that?" I called.

Dad was beside me a couple of seconds later. Not a drop of blood spilt and not a mark on his clothes. When I looked at myself I was covered in dirt. I wish I could hunt more like him but I am more like mum when it comes to hunting. Unable to stay clean no matter how hard I tried.

He took a big whiff and then said "Fox."

"Why is it the first time I have ever smelt one?"

"We are much further north than you normally hunt. The only large game near us are bear and lion. Foxes are smaller and more cunning. They like to hunt the smaller animals such as rabbits. Their blood is less satisfying and not very appetising so we normally leave them alone.

"Okay. I'll will not touch it either. I need another though."

"Let your senses range out again. What else do you smell?"

"Oooh." I looked at him excited. "Another mountain lion. Will it hurt the balance if we take another?"

"No, it won't hurt it. Go and get it sweetie."

I took off in the direction the smell was coming from. Being slower than my family meant I had to be more cunning because mountain lions were just as quick me. This one gave me run for my money. I came at him from the wrong angle and he must have got a whiff of me because he took off. I kept with him though and finally with a last second lunge I got him. As I sunk my teeth in and his blood flowed I was in pure ecstasy. Dad caught up with me not long after I brought him down and stood there watching me devour him. The corner of his mouth twitched with the hint of a smile. When I finally drained him of his last drop I felt fully sated and threw his carcass off me. I got up and dusted myself off. Dad's twitch turned into a full blown smile.

"I see you enjoyed that one."

"Uh-huh. He was delicious." I made a show of it as I licked my lips. He raised an eyebrow and looked me up and down. When I looked down at myself I had blood everywhere and my clothes were torn. He laughed out loud at me and I looked down a little self conscious chewing on my lower lip.

"You are so like your mother at this very moment. How could I have been so lucky to have the two most beautiful women in the world as my girls? One being my wife and the other being you - my beautiful little girl." He pulled me to him and kissed the top of my head. "Sorry, young lady."

"Daddy, I will always be your little girl. You will always be number one in my life." I hugged him fiercely again.

"Sweetie. We need to have a talk." He said unwrapping my arms from around him and letting me go but keeping one of my hands in his. He pulled me over to a fallen tree and sat me down on it. He sat next to me not letting my hand go. I looked at him curiously but I knew what this was about - Jake and I cringed inwardly. I was not ready for this conversation.

"No, you're wrong. This is not solely about Jake, this is about you and what's going on in my girls pretty little head." He said reading my thoughts.

"What do you mean?"

"Sweetheart, you will always be my little girl but I can't be your number one. I'm already you mums." These words stung me. I did not realise my dad could hurt me so much with just a few words. All the happiness from spending the last couple of hours with my dad drained from me. The tears that dad had helped me to forget now flowed down my cheek at his words. I turned my head away so that he would not see them but he gently pulled my face back towards him. I kept my eyes down. I could not look at him.

"You have grown into an amazing young lady." He continued. "We both know very soon you will stop growing and aging. We don't know when, a few weeks, a couple of months or another year or two but it will happen. Your mum and I have been dreading the day for the last year. It will mean that you will be fully mature. You have grown so quickly. Much more quickly than any of us wanted but I couldn't have asked for a greater gift than you. I am so proud of you and I love you but it is time for you to find your own number one. Someone to love you like I love your mother and like your mother loves me. Someone who puts your life above theirs. Someone who treats you like the princess that you are." I collapsed into him my tears spilling freely. He held tightly letting me release them.

Once my sobs eased he continued. "You have to stop running. It's alright for you to be scared and confused but if you keep running one day you will have run once too often and wake up to find yourself all alone. I don't want you to go through the loneliness and misery I put myself through because I thought it was best for your mum for me to leave." He kissed my forehead. "Talk to me sweetie. What made you decide to return home today?"

"I thought he really liked me. I thought he wanted to be more than friends. He does not want to be with me." I whispered.

"Sweetie. I'll admit Jake and I have not always seen eye to eye and he's definitely not my first choice for you but he adores you. He always has and I know" he said tapping his head, "that he definitely wants to be more than friends with you."

"Then why has he not rung or answered my messages?" I screamed at him. The hurt I promised myself I would not feel for him flooded me.

"He's been hunting a vampire." I looked at dad stunned. This was news to me. "It got a little careless and Jake came across it on his way back to Rebecca's. They are staying at her house rather than a hotel."

'A vampire in Hawaii?' I thought to myself. How funny. It is a bit sunny there for them. Normally we liked the more overcast northern areas so we did not have to stay indoors during daylight hours. Dad laughed at my thought.

"Why didn't Sam or Paul say anything then?"

"They didn't know. Jake would sit with Rebecca by himself during the day and then go straight to hunt at night. Since Jake and Paul have not phased at the same time since they got there, Paul had no idea what Jake had been up to."

"How do you know he was hunting a vampire?"

"He told me." Mum had been telling me the truth. Jake had rung dad.

"Mum told me at the beach he rang." I removed my hand from his and got up. There was another fallen tree about fifteen metres away. I went and sat on it looking down at my hands which I had in my lap.

What is it sweetie?" He was kneeling in front of me and took my hands gently into his.

"I have been waiting all week to talk to him, I have been driving Emily crazy and he decides to ring you. When mum told me he rang you I felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart with a butcher's knife. It hurt so much."

"And?" He prompted me when I hesitated. I pulled my hands away from his in frustration, stood up and stepped around him. I walked a few feet away before answering him trying to find the same resolve and conviction I had had earlier but I came up empty. Being here confessing all this to dad made me realise how truly alone I felt and how much I wanted Jake to be here but I was scared of what would happen if he was.

"It was then I realised he did not want me and I decided that was fine. I would never let him hurt me again. That was the reason I decided to come home." I managed to whisper before I felt my legs give out. Dad caught me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me onto his lap. Rocking me back and forth, kissing my hair.

"I am sick of the confusion, sick of hurting. I want everything to go back to how it was before the concert, before everything changed between Jake and I."

"I know sweetie, I know but you can't. If you do you will only be running again when he looks at you the same way again. He is not going to change how he feels and you need to face what you are feeling. You need to work it out with Jake."

"How can I when he will not return my calls or reply to my messages? I can not do this anymore dad. I want to go to Astoria. I want to start over."

"Would you like me to talk to him and get him to call you?" I wanted dad to do it but I also did not want to get my hopes up that Jake would actually call. Before I could answer he had his phone out and was making a call. When I listened he had actually rang mum.

"Edward, is everything alright? You've been gone for hours."

"Fine Bella. We are just about to head back. Is everything packed?"

My heart sunk. I thought dad was ringing Jake.

"Yes. We're ready to go as soon as you get back."

"Hurry up Edward. The family is waiting to see you all again." I heard Alice yell in the background. What was she doing here?

"Okay. We'll see you soon. Love you."

"Love you too." He put his cell in his pocket and held out his hand.

"What is Alice doing there?" I asked.

"I'm not sure." He had a frown on his face. "I guess we'll find out soon enough. You ready to head back?"

"I guess so." I took his offered hand and we took off running.

It seemed to take forever to get back to the main house. I really had run today. Much further than I ever thought was possible. Now I know why dad had tackled me. We had just crossed the river when a scent stopped me dead and I let go of dad's hand. It took dad a couple of seconds before he realised I had stopped. He was almost to the house when he turned around and looked at me with a smile on his face. His eyes drifted towards the garage and stopped there. My gaze followed his and I saw why he was smiling.


	18. Chapter 18

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorisation.**

**Chapter 18 - Confessions**

Sitting in the entrance to the garage was my purple Ferrari. Alice must have driven it down from Astoria but it still did not answer why she was here. As my eyes moved over my glorious car the reason became clear. Leaning against the passenger door with his back to where I was standing was Jake. My heart made an audible leap at the sight of him but he did turn around. She must have picked him up from the airport on her way here. He was talking to Alice who was standing on the drivers side. I looked back to where dad stood. He has a satisfied look as if he had planned this. When I thought back to the call he had made earlier it all made sense. He was not ringing to make sure everything was packed, he was checking to see if Alice and Jake had arrived.

"Thank you." I mouthed to dad and he nodded his head before heading inside.

I looked back to where Jake was standing deep in conversation with Alice. A slight breeze was blowing his scent to me. All the pain I had been feeling and all the worries I had disappeared the second his scent hit me. I inhaled deeply and the smell that filled my senses was ecstasy. The smell of the woods and bracken after a sun shower, the smell of fresh cut timber and a hint of musk washed over me. He looked like a male model dressed in a black collared shirt, white pants and a pair of white loafers. He had cut his hair short again.

Without warning his head whipped around followed by his body. His eyes roamed over me and then locked onto mine. A smile filled his face and everything around me disappeared. I could not move. A surge of emotions ran through me and threatened to overwhelm me. Part of me wanted to run up to him and throw my arms around him and part of me wanted to punch him in the face and yell and scream at him for hurting me by not returning my calls or messages.

Nessie!" Alice exclaimed. My eyes flickered to her in acknowledgement for a split second before returning to Jake. Nothing was going to hold my attention at this point in time except the gorgeous guy standing next to my car.

In the background I heard her ask, "What happened? How did your clothes get shredded?"

A few seconds later a cold hand touched my shoulder but I ignored it, my eyes never left Jake. "Nessie! Answer me. What happened to your clothes?"

"Alice!" Dad's booming voice startled me back to reality. Jake's eyes lost their hold on mine and I looked towards the house. "Get in here and leave Nessie alone!"

"Edward look at her." She whined as she held her hands out pointedly at my clothes. I suddenly realised I looked like something the cat dragged in. Her words made me feel self conscious. I dropped my eyes and wrapped my arms around my torso embarrassed by the realisation that I was wearing shredded clothes.

"Nessie looks perfect just the way she is so leave her alone." I chuckled to myself and a smile twitched at the corner of Jake's mouth. Only my dad would think I looked beautiful standing here in nothing more than rags which is what my clothes now resembled.

"But Edward…" she started to object again.

"Now!" He growled at her menacingly. She growled back at him but left us.

I slowly looked back to where Jake was and he had not moved. For the first time I could remember he seemed unsure of himself. I could feel a pull towards him but I made no move to close the distance between us. As I lifted my head drinking in the sight of him a smile finally played at the corners of my mouth. The one person in this world that I needed more than anyone was here with me. I still did not understand why I felt complete when he was with me but I was so happy that he was. Gradually the smile filled my face too and I saw Jake relax. Had he been worried about my reaction?

"Nessie." He said quietly. I closed my eyes as he said my name and his warm voice echoed through my mind. When I opened them again he had closed the distance between us and he was standing a foot away from me. His scent was so strong. I inhaled deeply and he chuckled quietly.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?" He was looking deep into my eyes as he said it. It was not what I expected to hear from him and I was too stunned to answer. Jake thought I was beautiful. He actually thought I was beautiful. Slowly I shook my head, not answering his question but not believing what he had just said. I flung my arms around his waist and buried my head on his chest, moulding my body against his. He gently wrapped his arms around me holding me securely to him. Chuckling quietly he kissed the top of my head over and over. My heart raced as I stood there in his arms but it was a good feeling. I could feel the current between us and my stomach knotted in nervous anticipation. Anticipation that maybe today we would finally have our first kiss and nervous for the conversation that we knew we had to have. I felt so safe and I did not want to let Jake go because I was scared he would leave me again. I did not know if he had to return to Hawaii or not.

I had no idea how long we stood there like that content in each others arms but the quiet footsteps of someone approaching brought us back to the present. I lifted my head to see mum and dad walking towards us and I smiled at them. I could see the relief on both their faces. Had I been in that bad a state? I knew the answer immediately - yes and I promised myself I would never put them through that again. Neither of us relinquished the hold we had on each other as we stood there and they stopped a few feet from us.

"Sweetie, Dad, Alice and I are going to head out. We'll meet you at the new house."

I was torn. I wanted to hug her good bye but I did not want to let go of Jake. Dad chuckled and mum raised an eyebrow towards him.

"She wants to say goodbye but doesn't want to let go of Jake." They both laughed and I felt Jake's body vibrate with laughter too.

Jake loosened his hold and reluctantly let me go. I flew into mum's arms giving her a fierce hug.

"I've left an overnight bag with a change of clothes, a towel and your toiletries inside so you can clean up and get changed." She whispered in my ear. "I'll see you when you get home tonight." She kissed my cheek and let me go.

Dad pulled me into his arms for a hug.

"Jake has directions to the new place so we'll see you soon." I nodded.

"Thank you." I said as I kissed his cheek.

"You're welcome sweetie. Just remember what I said." He said as he kissed my forehead.

"I will."

Once he let me go he took mum's hand in his and they headed for his car. Jake came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. He kissed me on the cheek and I closed my eyes as my heart took off again then taking my hand in his we followed slowly after them.

"Bella, what were you thinking leaving these clothes for Nessie to wear?" Alice said horrified as she came gracefully out of the house holding up the clothes mum had left for me. From the looks of them they were my comfy clothes, perfect for the long car ride ahead of us. I sighed. As much as I loved Alice I was not in the mood to be dress up barbie today, I just wanted to be comfortable like mum. I dreaded to think what Alice had put in their place.

"Honestly, how can you live with us all these years and still not have any fashion sense." We all laughed as she jumped into the car shaking her head at mum. Mum went to say something to her but shook her head instead. Mum and dad joined her in the car and dad started the car.

We watched as dad reversed and made his way down the long driveway to main road. I stood there watching the empty drive long after they were out of sight, unsure what to say or do. Now that we were alone I was nervous, really nervous. I had waited for this moment and now it was here I had no idea what the outcome was going to be.

"You okay Ness?" He said as he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close. I laid my head on his chest, inhaling deeply hoping his scent would help me to relax.

"Fine." I managed to get out. "I think I'll take a shower and get changed." I dropped my arms and pulled away heading towards the house.

He let me go with a sigh and followed me inside. I stopped just inside the door and looked around surprised. The house was empty. All the furniture had been removed and the house echoed with the sounds of our footsteps. Seeing it this way made everything more real. We were really leaving this time and I did not know when we would return. The removalists must have been and gone whilst I was hunting with dad. The only thing left was my bag.

I headed for the stairs where mum had left my overnight bag for me at the foot of them. Jake stood where he stopped when he entered and I could feel his eyes on my back. You could feel the nervous tension flowing between us.

Taking a deep breath I slowly turned back and with a nervous smile I said, "I will not be long."

"Take your time. I want to ring Rachel and check up on Rebecca."

"Okay. Say hi for me."

"I will." He replied as he turned on his heel and walked outside, putting his cell to his ear.

I headed up the stairs and into the bathroom locking the door behind me. Jake would not enter but I locked it anyway. I turned the hot water on and let the room fill up with steam before stripping off the remains my clothes and tossing them aside. They would have to go in the bin before we left, they were definitely not able to be worn again. I let the water run over me and felt myself slowly relax. I knew Jake and I needed to talk and I ran over everything dad had said to me earlier. The more I went over and over what he had said the more I was realised he was right. I kept running because I was scared and confused at how I was feeling. The minute I got uncomfortable or things got too hard I ran. I was going to do what he said and try and sort through my feelings with Jake. I would wait and see what Jake had to say before deciding anything.

Once I was clean and all the blood and dirt was washed off my body and out of my hair I got out and dried off. Alice had replaced my comfy clothes with blue designer jeans and a purple halter top. She had also put in a pair of purple flats for me to wear. At least it was not as bad as I thought it would be. Alice had not gone over the top and I would be comfortable for the four and a half hour drive to Astoria. I towelled off my hair and ran a brush through it. I noticed a hair dryer in my bag but I could not be bothered taking the time to dry it so I left my hair out to dry naturally. Either mum or Alice, more likely Alice had put some make-up in my toiletry bag but I did not bother with that either. Why bother putting on make-up when knowing me I would cry at some point again today and it would all wash back off? I put my towel and toiletries in my bag and picked up the remains of my shredded clothes and took them with me as I headed back downstairs to find Jake. I went to put my clothes in the bin but when I got to where it normally was it was gone too so I put them in my bag as well. I would dispose of them when I got to Astoria.

Taking a deep breath I headed to look for Jake. I could no longer put off the conversation we needed to have. I could hear Jake still talking on his cell out the back. I headed towards his voice.

Just as I got through the door I heard Rachel cry through the phone "But you left me here to deal with everything. How could you?"

"Rach, I'm sorry but I had to." He was pleading with her understanding.

"I just don't understand why it had to be now. You know the doctors are saying she could wake up at any time. You need to be here."

"You know why. How would you be if you could not be with Paul? You of all people should understand how I am feeling especially now. I'll be back either late tomorrow or the day after. If anything happens just ring me and I'll get there as quickly as I can." As my heart sank at the comment, Jake looked up and saw me standing there.

Rejection and devastation drowned my heart. 'He is leaving me again?' I thought I had said it in my mind but I must have said it aloud because Jake grimaced.

He just got back and he was going to go again. My body started trembling and my legs felt like they were going to give out on me. Slowly I sank to the ground unable to stand any longer. As he watched me slump, I could see the anguish on his face as he took mine in. It was obvious that he had not wanted me to hear his this part of his conversation with Rachel. I did not even realise I was crying until the first tear dropped from my face onto my hand. I was glad that I had decided not to put make-up on.

"Rach, I have to go." He said and hung up without waiting for a reply.

He came over to where I was and went to put his arms around me.

"Don't." I cried as I pushed him away. I got up and ran towards my car tears streaming down my face.

"Ness wait." I shook my head, I did not want to hear it.

"Why did you bother coming back?" I screamed at him. He could find his own way to Astoria.

"Ness please. Don't do this." He begged me. I got in my car and slammed the door. I turned the key Alice had left in the ignition, letting it idle for a few seconds before slamming my fist against the steering wheel in pain and anger then I turned it off again. I was in no condition to drive. My conversation with dad came flooding back. I was running again. Dad's voice filled my head telling me not to run, to stay and talk to him. I put my head on the steering wheel taking deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. Jake opened my door and knelt beside me.

"Please Ness. Talk to me." His voice was full of concern. I needed him to know how much all this was hurting me. I needed him to know how confused I was. Taking a deep breath I got out of the car. Jake stood up and held his hand out but instead of taking it, I just looked at it.

"Do you have any idea what I have been through this week?" It came out harsher than I wanted and he looked at me stunned. He opened his mouth to answer but I did not give him the chance. Now that I had started I needed to get it out.

"When you left dad told me when you stop phasing you will age and eventually die whilst I go on living forever. I had just worked out that I liked you, really liked you and then I get told I will lose you. I do not understand why but I am lost when you are not around. Then dad and Sam say you will explain everything to me. It was for you to tell and not them. You tell me you want to do it in person but not until you return. Everyone says to be patient and I will work out what you all seem to know and that my memories will come back. I do not even know what memories I am supposed to have. Do you know how confusing all this is? I never get answers, all I ever get is more questions or someone gives me more information and tells me you will explain later." As everything came rushing out I realised I had run out of air and I took a deep breath. I had no idea if what I was saying was making any sense but I knew I needed to keep going.

"Baby, I want to.." I held up my hand to stop him.

"You said you did not want to leave me but I knew you had to. You said how much you missed me when you rang the first night and I believed you. I know you have been worried about Rebecca, we all have, but you did not answer my calls or reply to any of my messages. I have driven Sam and Emily crazy all week positive something horrible had happened to you. Did you know I thought you were missing?" I knew I was about to lose it but I did not care. Jake must have sensed it too because he took a step towards me but I stepped backwards, away from him.

"I actually thought you were missing and that was why you did not return my calls. Then this morning mum tells me you rang dad. Do you know how much that hurt to hear? You would not speak to me or even text me but you spoke to dad. I thought you…I thought you changed your mind and that you did not want to be with me." He closed the gap between us and wrapped his arms around me. I collapsed into his arms and cried uncontrollably spilling tears and salt onto his chest ruining his shirt. He picked me up and carried me to the back steps. He sat down putting me on his lap cradling me, rocking me back and forth like he used to when I was little trying to calm me down.

"Baby, I am so sorry. I had no idea how much you were hurting." The distress in his voice made me feel even worse.

He kissed the top of my head as he held me. I felt something wet hit the top of my head and I realised Jake was crying too. Guilt hit like a heavy weight, weighing my shoulders down. His sister was in a coma, her husband was recovering from major surgery, his nephew was dead and he was coping the best way he could and here I was dumping this on him. I was so selfish. I should have been more understanding. He did not deserve this. It made me cry even harder. With our arms wrapped around each other we just sat there. Eventually my sobs eased.

"I am sorry." I said quietly into his chest and let go of me with one arm and tenderly brushed away the last of my tears.

"What are you apologising for? I deserved it."

"No. You did not." I shook my head and took his hand in mine.

"Yes I did. I should have called and let you know I was alright."

"But I have been…"

"Shhh." He let go of my hand put a finger to my lips to silence me but I tried again anyway.

"I have been so..." He removed his finger from my lips and put his hand over my mouth stopping me from talking.

"My turn. I need to explain some stuff and I need you to try to understand why I have done things this way." I nodded and he removed his hand from my mouth, returning his hand to mine.

"When Edward interrupted us when I went to kiss you I was furious with him. I had done everything your parents had asked and I thought I would finally be able to tell you how I feel and the truth about everything. But Edward didn't let me. Then we found out about Rebecca's accident and it changed everything. I already told you how hard it was for me to leave. I was prepared to let Rachel face whatever was waiting for us in Hawaii alone." He stroked my hair and pushed a stray piece caressingly behind my ear.

"It broke my heart to leave you on the floor and walk away but I needed to what was best for both my family and for us. Edward was right. It was not the right time. If I had of stayed I would have blamed you for everything that happened and there is no way I can live with the thought of hating you. You are too important to me to let that happen." He paused, kissing my hair, forehead and my cheek. His kisses sent my heart racing. What he was telling me was what I had been hoping to hear. My doubts for his love we unfounded. He loved me.

"Baby, I know you are confused and hurting over me not telling you anything and believe me I want to and I want to be here with you in person when I tell you. I don't want to tell you then get a call to return to Hawaii and leave you to deal with it by yourself. I want to be here to help you understand. I know it does not make any sense now but once I can return permanently I promise I will tell you everything because then if you still want me, I will never have to let you go again. I can stay and hold you for as long as you want me to." He kissed my hair and my forehead. In that moment a calmness came over me and I knew everything between Jake and I would be alright. I would wait and try to be patient until he returned. He had promised me an explanation and I knew I would get it. He would hold nothing back.

"I think I understand and I will try and be patient." I kissed his cheek and he closed his eyes and sighed in relief.

"There is one thing that I want to say and do before we leave for Astoria though." He kissed my cheek again.

"Alright."

"I owe you an explanation about why I did not return your call or text messages."

"Dad already told me, you were hunting a vampire."

"Well that is true in part. I was hunting a vampire at night and during the day I would sit with Rebecca but mostly I slept beside her. I knew if anything happened they would wake me. And before you ask I got the vampire the night before last." He was grinning at me as he said this. I smiled back. "The reason I did not return your calls or messages was I….." He hesitated. I was almost like he was embarrassed to say the reason.

"It's a pretty lame excuse but I left my charger on the nightstand in my room at La Push and my cell died. I saw Paul last night for the first time all week and that is when he told me how frantic you were." He said with a wry smile.

"You left your charger here?" I laughed at him.

"Uh-huh."

"Why did you not by a new one or borrow Rachel's or Paul's cell?" I asked him the most logical of questions.

"I honestly didn't think about it at the time. I was exhausted from the waiting and the hunting. I wasn't thinking straight." He was grinning widely now. "That is why after I saw Paul last night I rang Edward and organised to come back. I called again this morning to check who was picking me up. Don't worry before I saw you today Bella and Alice have hauled me over the coals for it and Sam and Emily yelled at me. I want to apologise to you for my stupidity."

"I do not know if I can forgive you or not." I said with a straight face but in my heart I already had. I could not stay angry with Jake no matter how hard I tried.

"Well maybe this may change your mind." He kissed my forehead and for a split second I was disappointed. I was hoping we would have our kiss that never happened. But just as the disappointment started to descend Jake kissed my cheek and slowly moved his lips towards the corner of my mouth. As his lips moved closer and closer to my mouth my heart surged pounding in my chest a rapid rate. When he got to the corner he stopped.

"Am I forgiven?" He asked his voice barely audible.

"Yes." I whispered raggedly. He brushed his lips against mine before I had finished and he kept brushing his lips back and forth until my lips responded and then his lips gently caressed mine. He pulled me closer than I thought was possible to him. Every nerve in my body was alive. I have no idea how long the kiss lasted but when Jake finally pulled away I sighed. It was my first kiss and it was perfect. A calm peace settled over me and for the first time in my short life I felt complete.


	19. Chapter 19

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

Chapter 19 - A New Home

Everyone was waiting on the front steps to show us around when we arrived. Our trip to Astoria had gone too fast. After our kiss Jake had pulled me up and told me we needed to get going. He had promised mum and dad that we would not be too far behind them. He did kiss me softly again when he opened the door for me to get in my car and it was just as perfect the first. Jake stuck to the speed limit so that we could have as much time together as possible instead of being a lead foot like he usually was. Once we hit the highway he took my hand in his and every few miles he would gently lift it and bring it to his lips. We plugged my MP3 into the stereo and much to my surprise Jake knew a lot of the words to most of the songs. He could not sing but that did not matter we were having fun. It was not until we got to the start of the long driveway to the new house that I realised I was relaxed and laughing like I used to. It was finally like all our problems had disappeared. It was the best feeling ever.

The house was located just outside Astoria on a one hundred and fifty hectare estate that backed onto the local animal reserve. It looked like an old southern plantation house but I knew it would be far from that inside. I could see as we had driven up the house was three stories and shaped in an L. After many hugs and kisses from my family, Esme led the way inside. The ground floor was the living area and when you entered it was like a foyer. A massive staircase led straight up in front of you to the second floor and then it wound back on either side of itself to the third floor. The back of the house was south facing and the entire wall had been replaced, just like the house in Forks, with glass and hidden security grills in case of an emergency. The wooden floor was a deep mahogany with walls a contrasting white. To the right was an open plan living room and kitchen with a small dining table and chairs where I could eat. Under the staircase was a bathroom and a small laundry - not that we would ever use it. The living room was like two separate areas. The first area had two large couches facing a flat screen on the western wall and the second had three more couches in a u-shape with a coffee table between them. Again all the furniture was in different shades of white. Near the gigantic glass folding doors that led to a six metre wide deck that ran the length of the house was a sunken room which held Dad's baby grand piano and a desk with a computer.

To the left of the entry were several doors. The first was to the formal dining room which would only ever be used for family meetings, the second was to an emergency room for the wolves since they were now living with us and the third was to the massive garage that held all our cars. When you went into the garage there were double doors that led into the emergency room for easy access.

On the second floor directly above the dining room and the emergency room was my room as well as a spare room. Secretly I hoped it would be for Jake and was genuinely disappointed when I was told it wasn't. Rosalie and Emmett's rooms were above the living room and kitchen. Really they lived in Rosalie's room together but they had separate rooms so to anyone from the outside it looked like they lived separately. Above the entry way was the linen closet and storage area and above the garage was Carlisles study.

On the third floor above mine and the spare room were Alice and Jasper's rooms. Jasper lived in Alice's room and had his set up as an office. It could easily be converted to a bedroom if visitors came. Above Rosalie and Emmett were Mum and Dad's rooms. Mum lived with Dad in his room. Above the staircase was the room for our family businesses and our not so above board activities and above Carlisles study was his and Esme's room.

Each of the double rooms were split by massive walk in wardrobes and bathroom en suites. Each of the wardrobes had a hidden door into the wardrobe next in it.

Esme had had a heated pool with a massive entertainment area which included guest house built. The guest house had two bedrooms each with a queen size bed and a bathroom en suite. It also had a massive TV/living room with a phenomenal sound system. Esme said it was for me and my friends. A place away from the family. My white baby grand was also out there.

Another smaller single level four bedroom house had been built beside the garage for Jake, Seth and Embry. That gave them a spare room in case any of their family or wolf brothers wanted to visit. It was not as big as I expected and I was told they spent most of their time at the main house anyway, it was just a place for them to sleep. It also allowed them some privacy and a break from the vampire odour and vice versa. Even though we had all been around each other for so long the smell each species had got up the nose of the other one except for me. Both smelled nice to me and apparently I smelled nice to them.

There were three other houses within the boundaries of the estate and Esme said she would now renovate them so they could all live separately if they felt the need for it or wanted some alone time. Mum and Dad claimed the house north of the main house, Alice and Jasper the house to the south and Rosalie and Emmett the house to the east. Since Esme had done up the guest house and entertainment area for me and my friends, I was going to live permanently at the main house.

Once we had seen the main house and guys house, I realised my room was the only one that had not been decorated. It had my old furniture in it but none of the boxes were unpacked. When we were headed back to the main house after seeing the other houses Esme still had to renovate, I decided to ask Esme why.

"Why is my room not finished?"

"We thought you might like to update it. Get a bigger bed and more grown-up stuff. If you can handle it bare for one night, your mum and I will take you shopping in Portland tomorrow."

"Really? I can get new stuff?" I asked Mum excitedly

"Yes, sweetie. I'm glad you're excited. It's nice to see you with a smile on your face although I think that has more to do with Jake than shopping." She teased, smiling at both Jake and I. Jake squeezed my hand in reassurance. My smiled widened and Esme and her laughed.

Alice and Rosalie looked at one another and said at the same time. "We're coming too." I rolled my eyes. Alice and Rosalie would be impossible.

My room in New Hampshire had been very girlie with lots of lace and pink everywhere. I only had a single bed and I had outgrown it. Alice and Rosalie had decorated it. This time I was determined it would be what I wanted. My mind wandered over the possible themes I could do.

"There are some furniture catalogues in the lounge room if you want to take a look. You might want to start a list of what you like and what you don't like. You might be surprised with what you come up with. Just remember it is for you and no one else." Esme offered glancing at Alice and Rosalie in warning. "You are the one who is going to have to spend time and sleep in there."

"Thanks Esme."

After Jake and I had eaten dinner, I headed for the lounge room to look at the catalogues Esme had gotten and just as I suspected Alice and Rosalie were pouring over them. Seth and Embry had turned up half way through dinner and Jake was showing them around their new place. He promised he would come back before I went to bed. Alice was making a list of pretty girlie things to buy tomorrow for me. I decided to let her make a list. I was positive mine would be very different. For one thing there would definitely be no pink. I grabbed a pen and some paper off the table next to them and headed up to my room. I sat on the floor next to the boxes and looked through them. Esme was right. Writing a list of what I liked and did not like helped. I decided I did not want anything pink, lacy, frilly or with flowers. I liked wolves, crystals, the beach, the woods, blue, green and brown.

After I had my lists done I went back downstairs to see if Alice and Rosalie had finished with the catalogues. They were nowhere in sight and Jake had still not returned so I grabbed the catalogues and sat on the lounge and started looking through them. Jake came back in just after I had finished going through the first catalogue. He sat next to me on the lounge and sighed.

"Hey!" I said as he took the catalogue out of my hand and put it on the table. He pulled me onto his lap and pulled me in close. "What are you doing?"

"Giving my girlfriend a hug." Girlfriend. It had not even crossed my mind that that was what I was. I really like the idea. I had never been anyone's girlfriend. I had been a girl who was friend but never a girlfriend.

"I guess I am." I said uncertainly. He laughed at me. "What?"

"You look so surprised." The laughter still in his voice. "Why?"

"Well I never thought of us that way. I mean we are best friends but I never though I would be your girlfriend. Up until the concert I never liked anyone in that way and no one had ever asked me out." He laughed at me again.

"No one may have asked you out but I have no doubt there were a few guys thinking of it." I hid my head on his chest in embarrassment. I could only think what dad would make of that comment if he heard it.

"Where is everyone?" he asked changing the subject.

"Esme is in the kitchen but I have no idea where any one else is. What about Seth and Embry?"

"Gone to check out the animal reserve with Emmett and Jasper. They found a heap of bike trails running through the estate and into the reserve. They were going to see if any were worth riding. What were you reading?"

This time I laughed at him. "I am not reading I am browsing. Furniture catalogues. Mum and Esme are taking..." I did not get to finish because Jakes cell rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and checked the caller ID before answering.

"Hey Rach. What's up?" Being on his lap I could hear everything.

"Jake, you need to come back."

"Bec?" He sat upright holding me tightly to him with his other arm. His body had tensed.

"Bec is fine but they have rushed Aiden back into surgery. They won't tell my why except that he had some complications and it was not looking good for him. Please come back." She cried. I could hear Paul in the background trying to console her.

"I'll be there as soon as I can. I just need to organise a flight." He hung up, sinking back into the lounge in defeat and looked at me torn. He really did not want to go.

"I'm sorry. I have to go." He put his forehead against mine and I inhaled his scent deeply.

"No. Stay." I said defiantly as I wrapped my arms around him and snuggled in close. He kissed the top of my head and the electricity from his kiss surged through me causing my heart to speed up. We both knew he would have to leave again but I had hoped we would have had more time together, well at least one more day.

We sat there for a few minutes not saying anything before Jake got up and headed off to organise a flight. I was determined to not cry again so I set my concentration back on the catalogues. It was not long before Jake returned.

"When?" He knew what I was asking.

"Carlisle got me a chartered flight." His voice was dead. "I have to leave in half an hour." My heart sank. I did not even get a full day with him, not even another couple of hours. I knew the tears were coming so I got up and headed for the back door struggling to keep my composure. Jake let me go. Mentally I was cursing myself. I knew this was going to happen but it still hurt bad. Jake was needed by his family and I had mine to support me. We will be together again soon I told myself. It was only for a short time. So why did I feel so miserable?

I headed for the entertainment area and my piano. Playing usually gave me an inner peace but when I got there I sat at the piano and looked at it. There was nothing I could play that would make me feel better. The composure I had inside left me and I put my head on the top of the piano and let the tears flow. A few seconds later Jake wrapped his arms around me and pulled me in close.

"I'll be back soon. I have a promise to keep." He whispered.

"I know I am being silly and selfish but I do not want you to go." I kept my head down ashamed with my lack of control whilst I said this.

"Nessie, look at me." He asked me lovingly. I slowly looked up at him and tried to smile but it was so hard.

"Even if it is only for a visit for a day or two I will come back as soon as I can."

"Promise?"

"Promise." He bent down and kissed me. It was soft and gentle but for reasons unknown it was not enough. I wanted more. As he pulled away to let me go I said "No," and put my arms around him pulling him close. His mouth closed on mine with more pressure. The kiss deepened and his tongue ran along my lips seeking entrance. I opened my mouth slightly allowing his. This is what I had wanted.

A clearing of the throat made me realise someone else was in the room with us but Jake had not finished. He did not break the kiss and held me even closer, if that was possible.

"Jake, it's time to leave." It was dad.

"Go away dad." I said mentally.

"Jake." Dad said with more authority. When Jake ignored him again he repeated "Jake." This time he had a menace to his voice and I knew he was hearing thoughts he did not like.

A low growl escaped Jake's lips and he reluctantly broke the kiss. He did give me several more light kisses before he looked at dad. I collapsed onto his chest trying to control my breathing. A lightheadedness consumed me.

"I'm sorry. Jake but we need to get going."

"Give us a minute to say goodbye?" he asked.

"Sure. I'll wait for you at the car." He smiled at me and then left.

I looked at Jake and the pain in his eyes that made me realise this was hard for him to. He did not want to go either.

"I will call you as soon as I know anything."

"Do you have your charger this time?" I asked with a smile on my face trying to lighten the mood. I knew as soon as he was gone I would collapse into a heap but I wanted him to go thinking I was alright.

He rolled his eyes at me. "Yes."

"Good. No excuses."

"No excuses." He pulled me into him and kissed me softly on the lips and then my forehead before he turned and left. I stayed where I was. I could not watch as he and dad drove away. I walked slowly over to the sofa and let myself sink into it, pulling my legs up to my chest and putting my forehead on my knees. That it how mum found me.

"Renesmee. What are you doing here by yourself? Why don't you come inside?"

"I just needed some time alone. I could not watch him leave. It was too hard."

"He'll be back sooner than you think. He has a reason to."

"I know. But it still does not stop it from hurting."

"Do you want some ice cream or do you want to go hunting? It might take your mind off things for a while."

"No. I will be alright." And I believed what I was saying. If it had of been yesterday I would probably have gone hunting but today I was positive Jake was coming back to me. I did not understand why I was so completely adamant in my mind that he was but I was.

"Are you excited about tomorrow?" She asked changing the subject.

"I am. I am really looking forward to it." I admitted.

My cell buzzed. It was a message. I quickly opened it and saw who it was from. My heart leapt with joy.

'Miss you already.' I smiled. Mum smiled when a smile crossed my face. She knew it was Jake.

I typed back. 'Miss you already too.' and then put my cell back in my pocket. I felt much better.

"If we are still going shopping then I still have some catalogues to look through. Will you help me?"

"Of course I will."

She got up and held her hand out. I unfolded my myself and stood up too. Taking her hand in mine we walk back inside and went through the catalogues together. There were several items that I really liked so we dog-eared the pages and went in search of Esme. The three of us sat there for a couple of hours deciding on which pieces went together and what colours we would use before mum ordered me to bed.

I did not sleep very well. I was worried about Jake and what was happening in Hawaii and I was excited about our shopping trip to Portland but I knew the look on Alice and Rosalie's faces would be priceless when Esme and I told them 'no' to their selections.

The next morning I had just finished putting on my shoes when Mum called. "Renesmee, are you ready yet? We need to get going."

"Coming." I grabbed my lists and headed downstairs.

Jake had rung me about six a.m. letting me know Aiden was out of surgery. An infection had sent in and they had had to open him up but things were looking much better. He also said there was no change in Rebecca's condition. He wished me good luck for my shopping trip and promised to ring me tonight. He was heading off for some sleep since he had sat all night with Rebecca. Rachel had been distraught when he arrived and Paul had taken her back to Rebecca's place for a break.

We took the Mercedes, Esme drove. She had our day all planned out. Dad was organising to get the carpet we had decided on delivered and he would do the painting himself. I would not be allowed to see my room until it was finished. I would sleep in mum's room tonight. Esme knew exactly where we would find the pieces we wanted and organised to have them delivered this afternoon. It was obvious what a little money incentive did. Once we had the furniture it was time to get the linen, curtains and other stuff Esme decided I needed for the room. This is where we knew we would have stiff competition from Alice and Rosalie.

Esme would show me the options, I would tell her which ones I liked and then she would make the purchase. I did not know which ones she picked. It was all part of the surprise. Alice and Rosalie were appalled at our decisions.

"Nessie, you are young lady, you should have a girlie room." Alice moaned when I did not agree with her pink flower quilt selection.

I looked at Esme and she nodded. It was time to so say no to Alice. "If you like it so much Alice, why not buy it for your room" I countered.

"If I bought that for my room Jasper would sleep in his own room and what fun would that be." she laughed.

"So, why are you trying to force it on me then?" I said as I raised an eyebrow in query.

"Alright, alright. I see your point." She put her hands up in defeat. I definitely did not expect it to be that easy to defeat Alice.

"Good. Let's keep shopping." Esme and I exchanged a knowing look.

After that we had no more opposition to our purchases. It was a tiring day but I enjoyed it. Mum said nothing the whole day. She just watched Esme and me shop with a thoughtful look on her face.

The following afternoon whilst I was playing my piano Esme called me inside for the big reveal.

"Nessie, it's ready."

I went inside and she took my hand and led me to my new updated room. Before she opened the door Mum put her hands over my eyes. I heard the door open and they led me inside. Esme closed the door and mum removed her hands.

I looked around speechless. The walls and curtains were a light cream and the carpet was chocolate brown. Against the southern wall was a wooden queen size bed with a chocolate bed head. What caught me off guard was the quilt cover. It was not one that I had chosen but it was perfect. Whilst we were in La Push mum had taken a photo of Jake in his wolf form running along the beach at the waters edge as the sun was setting. Esme had this blown up and made into a quilt. The sheets were the reddish brown colour of Jake as a wolf as were two of the pillow cases. The other two were blue. There were multi hued throw cushions in different shapes and the stuffed wolf that was my favourite on the bed as well. My eyes stopped on the wolf. It was the same wolf I had left at Sam and Emily's house.

"Where did this wolf come from?" I turned and asked mum.

"Jake saw it when he called into Sam's to get his charger. He recognised it was yours and he gave it to me before he left. When I saw the direction your room was heading I gave it to Esme to include." Mum replied.

Somehow the colours that Esme had chosen all went together despite their range.

Under the windows on the eastern wall were two chocolate wicker chairs with cushions that looked just like the bracelet that Jake had given me when I was a baby. The rug in the middle of the room matched the pattern on the bracelet as well. Against the northern wall was a computer table with a laptop and shelves that contained all my books. Against the western wall near the door was a new stereo system. Above the stereo was a board filled with photos from my holidays with the family and photos of the wolf packs. There were shelves around the room that held wolf figurines in different poses and sizes. There were pictures of the woods around Forks and the sun setting on the beach at La Push. Once I had taken it all in Esme made me sit on the bed whilst she closed the curtains making it pitch black and walked over to the light switch. When she turned the switch on I was speechless. Suspended from the roof were the three crystal wolves Jake had given me. Esme had rotating lights put into the roof and now instead of the wolves projecting on the wall and the roof they projected on the floor and the walls.

"Oh Esme, it is perfect." And it was. "Thank you soo much." I gave her a kiss and hug.

"Can we come in yet? The suspense is killing me." Alice whined from outside the door.

"Yes." I managed to choke out.

The door flew open and of course Alice was first in the door.

"Wow Ness, it's not bad. Not what I expected but very you."

"Thanks Alice. I think it is perfect." I grinned at her.

Everyone starting talking at once. Telling Esme what they liked and what they think should have gone here or there. Esme turned the lights off and opened the curtains letting the fading light in.

Dad walked over to Mum and put his arms around her. Carlisle went and stood beside them. I heard Dad whisper to him, "She may not remember yet but subconsciously she is very aware. You only need to look at this room to see that." Carlisle nodded his head but said nothing. I pretended ignorance. I just wanted Jake to see it.


	20. Chapter 20

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

**Chapter 20 - A New School - Part 1**

Carlisle decided since we had moved so close to Forks we needed to change our surname so as to not arouse suspicion. Rosalie of course kicked up a fuss because the wolves were allowed to keep their surnames so why did she have to change hers but Carlisle did not give in to her. He said it was only for a few years, she would have to accept it. Alice, dad and I were Carlisle's nieces and nephew, since I looked too much like Dad. His sister had died from cancer, and her husband being an alcoholic did not want the kids. He was currently formalising adoption of Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and mum.

Carlisle, Esme, Alice, Dad and I changed our surname to Wolfe, which we all laughed at when Mum suggested it. It was sort of ironic considering our past. But it was the name Mum had chosen for me when she thought I would have to run with Jake from the Volturi. Jasper and Rosalie were twins as normal and changed their surname to Williams. Mum and Emmett were brother and sister and changed their surname to Masen. Mum was happy because it was dad's surname when he was alive.

Carlisle and Esme had taken everyone in when their parents had passed away in a car accident ten years ago where Carlisle had been the lead surgeon. It had been an horrific head on collision with only the children in each car surviving. They had wanted to split the kids up into different foster homes but Carlisle had stepped in and kept everyone together. Carlisle had again taken a job working in the local hospital and Esme had started a renovating business.

Jake and I spoke every night and it was getting, I guess you could say, easier being away from him. I missed him terribly but I knew as soon as he got the chance he would be back in an instant.

Two weeks later was the first day of the new school year. It was also the first time I was around so many humans for any length of time since I had killed just under five months ago. I was not sure I would be able to cope and I was nervous about it. Mum, Alice and Rosalie had taken me to crowded places around Astoria and into Portland to get me used to being around humans again but I was still not sure this was the right decision for me.

My whole family would be joining me in school this time. Mum, Dad, Alice and I were juniors and Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper were seniors. We were attending Astoria Senior High. Carlisle had organised the schedules so that I had no classes with any of my family. They wanted me to try to have as normal an experience as I could. Seth and Embry were going to go Astoria Local Community College they still had another year of their mechanics course to finish. Jake said he and Carlisle would sit down and decide on options for him when he returned permanently. He was already qualified as a mechanic so there was talk they might open a family business venture. Jake would run it and Carlisle would be a silent partner.

"Good morning sleepy head." Dad said as I stirred. He was sitting on the end of my bed waiting for me to wake up.

"Ready for your first day?"

"No." I said pulling the covers back over my head.

"It's okay we won't let anything happen." He pulled them back down.

"I still do not know if I can cope. What happens if someone gets cut?"

"Remember the concert. I told you to hold your breath. Well if you smell fresh blood do that and leave immediately. Don't worry what anyone else thinks we'll deal with it later."

"Alright."

"But you will get me for lunch?" I added in a panic. I did not want to sit alone today.

"Why don't you wait and see if you make some friends first before we decide what happens at lunch." You could see the amusement in his eyes. He was positive everything would go smoothly.

"Okay, I guess I am just nervous."

"So are you and Mum taking me or is Carlisle?" I asked as I sat up.

"Actually we thought you might be less stressed with Jake but since he's not here Carlisle is going to take you." I was relieved. Carlisle would not say much. "I'll leave you to get dressed."

I got up and dressed. I did not want to stick out so I dressed in jeans and a blue long sleeved shirt. Alice had wanted me to dress up like her and Rosalie but I wanted to be more like Mum today. Dull and boring in my clothing selection. Of course we looked good no matter what we wore but I just wanted to blend. I put my hair in a pony tail and then put on some sneakers.

Mum and dad came in few minutes later. Dad was dressed in a pair of jeans and a white knit shirt that showed off his physique. Mum laughed when she saw me because we matched.

"That's okay. I'll change my shirt." She offered.

"No, it does not matter. Siblings right?"

"Right." She kissed my cheek and took my hand.

We headed downstairs so that I could have some breakfast. No doubt Esme would have eggs waiting for me. When we entered the kitchen Seth and Embry were already seated and eating, making the most of the hot breakfast Esme had cooked. They smiled as we entered. When Alice saw what I was wearing she groaned.

"Ness, at least you could have done something with your hair or put on some make-up."

"Alice, I just want to blend. Not stick out. I do not want attention." I sat down at the table and Esme put a plate of eggs in front of me. I was not really hungry, my nerves were starting to get the better of me but I struggled through.

"Ness, there is no way you could not stick out you're too beautiful for that. As it is we're going to have to keep the boys away." she laughed.

"Alice, please, I am nervous enough about being new without the added pressure of unwanted attention. Anyway I have a boyfriend." Everyone laughed.

I was just finishing off my juice when Mum put a paper bag in front of me.

"Egg sandwiches, just the way you like them and a couple of Esme's cookies." She said when I looked a her confused.

"Thanks Mum." I still did not eat a lot of human food, the exceptions were eggs and chocolate chip cookies. I absolutely loved them.

"See you there sweetie." She kissed me on the cheek and left.

"Are you excited Ness?" Seth asked as he got up to put his plate in the sink. Seth was part of the family and he was my closest friend besides Jake. He did not say much but he always made me smile with his kind words when he did.

"No." I answered honestly. I was terrified of everything that could go wrong.

"You'll be fine." he tried to reassure me.

"I would rather stay here." He frowned at me and I scowled at him.

"We start class today too."

"We could both ditch." I suggested and he burst out laughing.

"Come on Nessie, stop stalling. I'll make you a promise. If you get through today, I'll drop you off and pick you up on my way to class starting tomorrow until Jake returns. That way you won't have to put up with your family and you'll be out of range of Emmett's jibing."

"Promise."

"I promise. Now get going before you're late for your first day." He gestured to Carlisle who was waiting at the back door. I sighed but got up and walked to where Carlisle was waiting with a bemused look on his face. He had obviously been listening to our conversation.

By the time we got in his Mercedes everyone had already left. Carlisle was going to work straight after we were settled. The others had taken Rosalie's convertible and dad's Volvo. It was a quiet trip. Carlisle knew I was worried about having to go back to school but at least everyone would be there with me. When we pulled into the parking lot the rest of my family was waiting.

The school had just under seven hundred students enrolled and went from year nine to year twelve. There were one hundred and thirty in my year and one hundred and three in the senior year. The school consisted of four buildings, all two stories high, that formed a square around a quadrangle which had lots of benches to sit on. There were two other single storey buildings on the campus. One was the gym and the other was the cafeteria. It had seating inside with benches outside. Carlisle showed us to the main office which was located just inside the doors on the ground floor of the main building.

"Good morning, can I help you?" the lady behind the counter asked. Her name tag said Mrs Champion.

"Good morning. I'm Dr Carlisle Wolfe my children are starting this morning."

"Ah, yes. I'll just get their schedules. They will also need to get each of their teachers to sign the slip attached."

Mrs Champion went to a desk behind her, picked up a file and came back.

"Now, Dr Wolfe apparently you requested some changes."

"Yes, all of the children except for Renesmee are doing additional classes rather than gym. Mr Morrisey has approved it."

Mrs Champion checked each of the schedules from the folder.

"Yes, they have been amended. Here you go."

She handed the schedules to Carlisle.

"Thank you."

"Edward, please give these out and then you can all go to your first class. I'll take Renesmee."

"Yes, Dad." He winked at me and I grinned at him.

Carlisle gave the schedules to Dad who gave them out to everyone. I looked at my schedule. I had English first followed by biology, maths and history. After lunch I had gym and finally music.

"What do you have first Ness?"

"English with Mr Wiseman in A5."

"Okay let's go.

We headed out into the corridor. Carlisle already knew where the classroom was.

"Ness, you've been very quiet." And I was. Now that we were almost at the classroom reality hit me with a vengeance. My stomach was doing double back flips.

"I am nervous, worried I will mess up"

"Try not to think about it." He replied in the calm smooth voice that he always used. "You'll be fine. Just remember if you feel any urges hold your breath and walk away. Edward or Alice will come straight to you. Remember this is the first time for Bella as well."

"I know." Mum had stayed at home with me even though she could have done a night course in New Hampshire. This was the first time she had been around this many people as well.

He stopped outside the door to my first class. A couple of the students paused to look at us as they entered.

"I'll see you tonight." He kissed the top of my head.

"Thanks Carlisle." I said with a smile on my face. I took a deep breath and then turned and entered the classroom. I did not wait to see if Carlisle left or if he waited just outside in case I needed him. As I entered I looked for Mr Wiseman. He was writing his name on the board. He was a younger teacher, probably in his late twenties, about six feet tall and very athletically built with short dark hair.

"Excuse me, Mr Wiseman. I am Nessie Wolfe."

He turned to face me.

"Welcome Nessie. You're one of Dr Wolfe's children."

"Yes."

"Are you liking Astoria?"

"So far."

"Well, you can take the seat next to the window, third row back." Pointing to the seat I was to take.

"Mrs Champion said you need to sign this slip." I handed the slip to him.

"Sure." He walked to his desk and signed the slip for me.

"There you go."

The bell rang then and students started to file in. I went to my seat and took out my note book and pen. While I waited for Mr Wiseman to call the class to order I looked out the window.

"Hi." a voice interrupted. I jumped.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to startle you. I'm Carissa Sanderson."

"Hi. Nessie Wolfe."

Carissa was tall like me, five feet ten, very pretty with long black hair and sapphire blue eyes. It was the colour blue the sky was on a clear cloudless day. She looked like she could have been a cheerleader. She wore blue designer jeans and a sky blue cashmere sweater that only enhance her eyes.

The second bell rang and Mr Wiseman called the class to order. He introduced me to the class but I did not have to get up and talk for which I was grateful. Most of the class groaned when Mr Wiseman handed out the reading list but when I looked at it I was happy. I was really going to like English. I had already read most of it. It had some of my favourites on it.

"Look at this list. I'll never get through it!" Carissa said exacerbated.

"I will give you hand if you like. I have already read most of it." I offered.

"You're kidding aren't you?" She looked at me with bewilderment.

"No. I like reading." I grinned at her.

"I might have to take you up on it." but she looked relieved.

The bell rang for the end of class. We got up and headed for the door.

"So what classes do you have and who did you get?" she asked enquiringly.

I looked at my schedule.

"Biology with Mr Downey then maths with Mr Farnham and history with Mr Tobias. After lunch gym with Coach Wilson and music with Mrs Harley."

"We have all but maths together. My friend Katie is in Mr Farnham's class. She's in our biology class too. I'll introduce you that you'll know someone."

"Thanks."

The science labs were on the ground floor of the building. We went down two flights of stairs. Our lab was the first one next to the stairs. The lab was large and spacious. It had three double desks across and six desks deep. Carissa introduced me to Mr Downey.

"Mr Downey. This is Nessie Wolfe, she just moved here."

"Hi Nessie, do you have a slip for me to sign?"

"Yes Mr Downey." I said handing him the slip.

He signed it and handed it back.

"You can take the seat next to Pete Hills, second row from the back." He pointed to the seat.

I followed Carissa to my seat. She sat at the table in front of me and then turned around to talk to the guy I was to sit next to.

"Hey Pete."

"Hi Carissa, who's your friend?" He eyed my with inquisitively.

"Pete, this is Nessie Wolfe, she's your new lab partner." He seemed very pleased about that fact.

"Hi Nessie. Welcome to Astoria."

"Thanks." I smiled nervously.

I took the seat next to Pete. I had to admit he was cute. He was also tall. Not as tall as Jake but probably as tall as Dad. He had dark brown hair with hazel eyes. He was muscular, definitely an athlete. He had on a red collared t-shirt and black pants.

A girl with shoulder length blonde hair came and sat next to Carissa. She was short, only about five foot four and petite. She was dressed in a red and black cheerleader outfit. When I saw what she was wearing I realised I was right about Pete being an athlete. He was in their dress uniform.

"Hi Carissa, hi Pete." She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Hey Katie. Katie this is Nessie Wolfe."

"Hi Nessie, nice to meet you." She turned to me with a smile.

"Katie, Nessie has maths with you next period. Can you show her?"

"Sure." I felt a little more relaxed. At least I knew someone in every class now.

Carissa turned back to me. "So Nessie I did not get a chance to ask you last class, who was the cute guy that dropped you off?"

"That was Carlisle. He is my Dad." I laughed.

"Your Dad?"

I had to think fast. We had not really discussed what I would say if I made friends except that I was living with Carlisle and his family.

"My Mum died of cancer when I was five. My real Dad was an alcoholic so Carlisle and his wife Esme adopted me and my brother and sister."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be intrusive."

"No, it's good. It was a long time ago and I love living with Carlisle and Esme." I smiled hoping she could not see through the lies.

"He looks a bit young for a Dad."

"Well Carlisle and Esme are not able to have their own children."

"Typical, married. Did you say brother?"

"And sister. Edward and Alice."

"So are they joining you here too?" Her interest was piqued at the idea of new guys to check out. She was going to be disappointed to know they were paired off.

"Yes and the rest of my siblings."

"How many do you have?"

"Well besides my brother and sister. Two fosters sisters, Bella and Rosalie and two foster brothers, Emmett and Jasper."

"Wow so many kids." Katie said.

"Yeah, I know. It's hard to get any privacy."

We all laughed. I was beginning to think that Astoria might not be so bad.

"Would you like to sit with us for lunch?"

"You do not mind?"

"Of course not."


	21. Chapter 21

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

**Chapter 21 - A New School - Part 2**

I sent a silent message to Dad. "Dad if you're listening, which you probably are and you already know this. I made some friends and I'm going to sit with them at lunch. I guess you were right I did not need to worry. I'll meet you at the office after music so I can hand my slip in."

The rest of the morning went by quickly. Katie and I walked to maths together. She was really nice. She was the oldest of four siblings. Her Mum and Dad were happily married and they lived near us on the more affluent side of town.

Mr Farnham was a short stocky man with a gray receding hairline.

"Mr Farnham, this is Nessie Wolfe."

"Slip?" He said gruffly.

I handed him my slip, he signed it and handed it back.

"Find a seat anywhere." He said waving his hand in the general direction of the desks.

"Thank you." Katie and I exchanged grins.

"Shall we?" I turned to face the room.

"There are two seats together. Why don't you sit next to me?" She said pointing to two desks near the window.

"Alright." We headed to the two empty desks.

We had no sooner taken our seats when Mr Farnham called the class to order. He was a no nonsense teacher. Everyone kept quiet and did their work. I liked him. At the end of class Carissa was waiting for me and showed me to history.

Mr Tobias was about five feet eight. He was slightly built, wore hippy clothes and had long dark brown dread locks.

"Hi Mr Tobias."

"Hi Carissa."

"This is Nessie Wolfe, she started today."

"Hi Nessie, I heard I had a new student. One of the new doctor's kids."

"Hi. Yep, the new doctors kid." I smiled it was hard not to. Everyone seemed to know the new doctor. Carlisle must have really made an impression or is it unearthly good looks that made him to be so well known already? I might have to ask mum and dad their opinion.

"I'm supposed to get you to sign this."

I handed him the slip. He signed it and handed it back.

I took the seat next to Carissa in this class. They were all single seats.

The class flew by. Mr Tobias was the coolest person I had ever met. He brought history to life.

Then it was time for lunch. As Carissa and I headed to the cafeteria it had started to lightly rain. I was nervous. I would be meeting more of her friends. When we entered I looked around. It was larger than I thought it would be. Tables against the shorter walls and the window sat eight. A row of tables in the middle ran the length of the cafeteria. They looked like they sat ten people at each. A long counter filled with all types of food, both hot and cold ran the length of the wall opposite the windows with a cash register at the far end. The tables filled up quickly.

"Do you need to get anything Ness?"

"No. I have already got mine." Holding up the lunch bag that mum had given me. "What about you?"

"Same, let's go meet the others."

I followed her to a table against the far wall. It was the fourth table from the window. Pete was already seated with another girl and guy.

"Take a seat Ness." She said gesturing to me.

I slid in next to Pete.

"Hey Ness, so how's your first day going?" Pete enquired.

"Great so far." I smiled.

"Millie, Ryan, this is Nessie Wolfe, she's new here." He indicated to his two friends.

"Hi Nessie." Millie said. She had short light brown hair and was very tanned. Sitting down she was on eye level with me so I guess she would be about my height when she stood up.

"Hey." acknowledged Ryan. He was also an athlete. He was dressed in the same clothes as Pete. He had blonde hair and probably about the same build as Jasper.

Just then the rest of my family glided into the cafeteria. They moved effortlessly through the lunch line and then sat at the opposite end of the cafeteria to me in the corner next to the window. Mum and Dad sat so they could see me. I smiled at them.

"Who are they?" Katie asked and everyone turned to look.

"_They_ would be the rest of my family." I advised.

"The rest of your family?" Millie said with scepticism in her voice. Everyone turned to look at me.

"Yes my brothers and sisters. We're all adopted." I explained.

"How many of you are there?"

"Seven."

"Nessie, are you one of the new doctors kids?" Millie asked.

"Yeah, why?"

"Mum works at the hospital, she's a nurse. I saw him the other day when I was waiting for her to finish her shift. He's hot. Way too young for kids."

I laughed, glancing at Dad. He was obviously sharing with the rest of the family because they all had grins across their faces.

"I know. Way hot, I saw him this morning when he walked Nessie to English." Carissa added.

"Eww. Enough already, he is my Dad." I looked away embarrassed.

I glanced at my family and they were all laughing now. Man I was going to cop it on the trip home.

"So where are you living?" Ryan enquired.

"A house, what about you?" I said sarcastically with a smile on my face.

"Ha ha funny Ness." He said with the same sarcasm.

"Carlisle bought a property out on the edge of town. The one that backs on to the animal reserve."

"Oh, the old Watson place. That place is massive."

"Yeah, that sounds right."

"That place was old before my parents were born."

"Esme, my mum, runs a renovation business."

"I hope she's good. It looked like it was going to fall down."

"Well I do not know what it looked like before we moved here but I know it looks brand new now."

A few minutes later the bell rang and we headed for gym. This was the one class I was worried about but I had been the one who insisted on doing it. This was the one class where I would really need to be in control.

"Coach Wilson this is Nessie Wolfe." Carissa introduced me to Coach Wilson.

"Hi Nessie. Here you go." she handed me a uniform. "You won't need to get changed today. We're having a lecture on softball so if you have any of your own equipment I suggest you bring it tomorrow.

"Thank you. Mrs Champion said you need to sign this slip."

I handed it to her and she signed it and handed it back.

"There you go."

We went and sat with the rest of the class. I did not need to listen too carefully in this class. I knew all about the game of softball. At least I had a heads up of what we would be doing tomorrow. Maybe Jasper and I could get some practice in this afternoon. Gym class passed by swiftly and sooner than I thought it was over. I had survived.

We headed to our final class for the day - music. Of all my classes this was the one I was looking forward to the most. When I was little I watched dad at his piano one day. I asked him to show me how to play and that was it. I fell in love with it. I loved music and listened to just about anything and everything. Dad and I had updated my MP3 player with all types of music. Music that I loved. When we got to the classroom I looked around in amazement. It was obvious music had a high priority in this school. The room was divided into two areas. Tables and a chalkboard at one end and instruments and a whiteboard at the other.

"Good Afternoon Mrs Harley."

"Good Afternoon Carissa." she smiled. "And who is this?" she asked as when she saw me.

"This is Nessie Wolfe, she's new."

"Welcome to my class Nessie. Can I have your slip please?"

"Sure." I said smiling as I handed her my slip.

She signed it and handed it back.

"Well take a seat wherever you like."

The second bell rang and she called the class to order. There were only fifteen students in our class.

"Welcome everyone to advanced music. All of you have exceptional talent or you would not be in this class. Today we are going to find out what your specialties are and what we need to work on for your exams at the end of the year. Carissa would you like to go first?"

Carissa was a singer and had an amazing voice. I was in awe of her. It was almost as musical as the rest of my family when they spoke. Todd was next, he was a classical guitarist and had flawless rhythm. I understood why Mrs Harley said it was an advanced class. She called on me next. I approached the piano and she looked at me puzzled.

"Nessie, I was informed you were here for your voice." Mrs Harley said.

"My voice?" Now I looked at her puzzled. "No, I play the piano." I replied.

"Alright then, Let's hear what you can do."

I had been thinking since Mrs Harley said she wanted to hear us all, trying to work out what to play. I thought about Dad's lullaby for me, then the first song I had written in Forks this past summer, the one I had already played for my family but I decided to play the song I had written for Jake. I took my seat at the piano and took a deep breath then I let my fingers flow. The room was dead silent when I finished.

"Yes, definitely a pianist." Mrs Harley acknowledged. "Who wrote that?"

I looked down a little embarrassed.

"You wrote that?" One of the other students asked in disbelief.

"Yes." I replied meekly.

I was hoping the rest of the class did not think I was showing off. I got up and walked back to my seat with my eyes down. I sat there listening to all the other students in the class. Enjoying all their talents. I was definitely going to enjoy this class. Eventually the bell went for the end of the day.

"Do you need a lift anywhere Nessie?"

"No thank you. I have to hand my slip in and meet my da.." Whoops, I almost messed up. "Edward and Bella at the office."

She walked with me to the office. Mum and Dad were waiting for me.

"Hi Renesmee." Mum called when she saw me. She smiled when she saw I was not alone.

"Hey Bella." It felt awkward calling Mum by her first name.

"Bella and Edward, this is Carissa." I said introducing Carissa to my parents.

"Hi Carissa, nice to meet you." mum said.

"Hi Bella."

"Hi Carissa." Dad welcomed her as well. "I have a feeling I'll be seeing a lot more of you." She blushed as he flashed his brilliant smile at her.

"Hi Edward." she managed to get out.

"I have to go so I will see you tomorrow Nessie. I'll wait for you near the gate in the car park." She seemed to be embarrassed as she hurried away.

"Okay. See you tomorrow." I called after her.

Once she got out of earshot I turned to dad.

"Dad. Did you have to do that." I groaned as I took a swipe at him. "Now I have to deal with her being infatuated with you. Ew."

"Don't worry, I'll break her heart tomorrow when I kiss Bella in front of her." He laughed as he took mum's hand in his and kissed it.

"So, how was your first day?" Mum asked.

"It was good. Not as scary as I thought it would be." I said smiling. "What about yours?"

"Same. Carlisle got me in all the same classes as your Dad so it made it all the more enjoyable." she was smiling too.

Dad took my slip from me and handed it in. We walked to the car. I noticed Rosalie's convertible was already gone. It was just going to be us on the trip home and I was so relieved. I was not looking forward to the ribbing I was going to get from Emmett.

"Carissa seems nice." Mum said making conversation.

"Yeah. She is. She is in all but one of my classes."

"Looked like you were having fun at lunch. Were her friends nice too?"

"Yeah. They were. Katie is in the same biology and maths class as me and Pete is in biology. Millie and Ryan are their other friends. I do not have any classes with them."

"Ness, what were you playing in music last period? I haven't heard it before." Dad asked.

"I wrote it when I was in Forks over the summer."

"Oh." He was thoughtful for a moment and then asked, "Has Jake heard it?"

"No." I said a little too quickly.

"Why not?" He was genuinely interested in why I had not played it for him yet. He looked at Mum with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Dad, you remember our conversation over summer break?"

"Yeah, why."

"It was one of those reasons. I am not sure I am ready to play it for him yet."

"He'll love it. It's beautiful."

"I know but it is special to me. I wrote it for him as an apology for our fight. When I play it I want it to mean something special for both of us."

"I understand. It was the same when I played mum's lullaby for her the first time. I knew it was the right time." He brought mum's hand to his lips and kissed it.

"Exactly."

They left me alone for the rest of the trip home. Just as we were about to enter the garage I noticed a car that did not belong to any of my family sitting in the drive.

"Who's car is that?"

"I'm not sure. Is Charlie coming in today?" He sounded confused. He was frowning and I knew he was listening, trying to work out who it was.

"No. He's not due in until the end of next week." Mum replied as dad pulled into the garage. As dad pulled the car to a halt I thought I saw a slight smile start at the edge of his mouth.

I opened the door the scent that engulfed me was like a drug. A hand appeared in front of me and I took it without thinking. The hand belonged to the most important person in my world. I no sooner stood then his arms enfolded me to him.

"Oh, by the way Ness, Jake is back for a visit." Dad informed me with a wicked grin on his face before he disappeared through the garage door. I did not get a chance to respond because Jake gently lifted my chin to him and his lips found mine. I wrapped my arms around him savouring our moment together. When he finally pulled back I was left gasping.

When I managed to get my breath back I was able to get out, "I guess you missed me?"

"What gave you that idea?" He said as he kissed the top of my head. I laughed and a calm swept through me. I was complete again.

"How long are you back for?" I asked tentatively.

"Two days, three days at most." I buried my head on his chest trying not to let the disappointment show but my body betrayed me when I sagged against him.

"I'm sorry too. I wish it was longer." He let go of me, taking my hand in his and led me inside. Rather than focus on him leaving again I was going to try and enjoy the time we had together.

"How are things going in Hawaii?" Mum asked as we joined mum, dad, Rosalie, Emmett and Esme in the lounge. Jasper and Alice were missing, I presumed they had gone hunting. Carlisle was still at work. Seth and Embry's classes did not finish until five. Jake sat on lounge and pulled me onto his lap. Dad frowned and went to say something but mum shook her head at him and he stopped.

"Frustrating. Aiden is recovering without any more complications. He should be going home sometime next week." Jake answered as he absently ran his thumb in circles against me hand that he held possessively to his.

"Rebecca?"

"Still no change." I flash of pain ran across his face. I knew he was scared Rebecca would never wake up.

"Any change in what the doctors are saying?" dad asked this time.

"No, but the longer she stays in a coma the longer the more likely it is she'll have brain damage."

"What about you Jake? How are you holding up?" Esme asked with her usual motherly concern.

"I'm better now that I'm here." He kissed me lightly on the lips and pulled me just that little bit closer. My lips reacted automatically and I promptly forgot that anyone else was in the room with us.

"Someone get me a bucket, I think I'm gonna puke." Emmett teased holding his hand over his mouth in jest. So Jake kissed me again and everyone else laughed.

"Geez, you pair get a room." Emmett quipped.

"Actually, maybe we should get a room." I said. Emmett's jaw dropped and it was priceless until I realised what I had said and buried my face on Jake's chest in embarrassment.

"Catching flies again hey Em?" Dad said but he was smiling at me.

I stood up, putting my hand out for Jake to take. "I have something to show you." I turned to mum and asked "Is it alright for me to show Jake my room?"

She nodded and we headed for the stairs.

"Make sure you keep the door open." Dad called after us. Emmett guffawed and I rolled my eyes. Jake surprisingly did not react.

I led Jake slowly up the stairs and I hesitated at my door. Letting go of Jake's hand so I could see his reaction, I opened it and walked in expecting Jake to follow.

"Well. What do you think?" I asked turning back to him but he was not there. I did not understand. Where did he go?


	22. Chapter 22

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

**Chapter 22 - Billy's Gift**

"Jake?" I called softly as I stepped back out into the hallway but he was not there either. Mum appeared instantly beside me.

"What happened?"

"I am not sure." I was confused. "I opened my door to show Jake my room but when I turned around he was gone. Where did he go?"

"He came flying down the stairs and out the front door. He did not even stop. I know he phased because there are shreds of clothes everywhere on the lawn. Dad and Emmett have gone looking for him." A shrieking howl broke through our conversation.

"Mum, something is wrong. I need to find him." I said as I attempted to follow after him.

"No. Give him some space. Whatever it is. He'll tell you when he is ready. Why don't you get changed, grab a snack and start your homework." She said but she kept glancing towards the stairs. She was worried about something and did not want to share it. I was going to object but the look she gave me made me think otherwise. I nodded and she left me. I did not want to do any of the things she suggested but I knew there would be no way anyone was going to let me go after him so I resigned myself to doing as she asked.

I had been working on my homework for about an hour and half when I heard his quiet footsteps approach my open door. When I looked up he was leaning against the door frame.

"Hey Jake. Come in." A pained look flashed across his face but he came in. He sat down on my bed and picked up the stuffed wolf he had given me on my first birthday. He played absently with its ears whilst he looked around.

"Are you alright?" I asked him when he made no attempt to say anything.

He went to say something but shook his head as he changed his mind. "Nothing, it doesn't matter." He said abruptly as he got up to leave. I was confused. What did that mean?

"Jake... Please… Don't go." He stopped. He started to shake and I knew he was upset about being here so I decided I could use a break.

"I need a break. Do you want to go for a swim?" He seemed relieved that we were going to leave my room. He nodded.

"Sure. I'll give you a minute to get changed and meet you down there." He turned and left without a backward glance. What was going on?

I quickly got changed and headed for the pool. When he saw me he smiled, relief in his face. He was waiting in the deep end so I dove in and came up next to him.

"Sorry about before." He apologised, he pulled me in close and kiss me lightly.

"That is okay." I jumped up and sat on the side of the pool dangling my feet in the water. He stood in front of me. "Jake, what is it about my room that makes you so uncomfortable? Today is the first time you have seen it since we redecorated it and then you could not get out of there fast enough? Does my choice of theme hurt you in some way?"

"Ness no. It's not you, it's me." I searched his face but it gave nothing away. He was looking into the distance, his eyes were so full of pain. I reached out and stroked his cheek. His eyes closed. After a minute he opened them again.

"Your room….your room brings back memories of my dad." he explained. "It reminds me so much of him, our house on the reservation. The colours and the hand carved wolves, it is like I am back there. I didn't expect it would affect me so much."

I looked at him confused. "But we spend time on the reservation every year. You stay there all the time."

"Yes but I don't stay in my own house. I usually stay with Sam and Emily, you slept in my bed over summer remember?" I nodded. There was no way I could forget. It was Jake's scent in the room and on the bedding that kept me going. "Otherwise I sleep outdoors as a wolf or at the house with you."

"You have never said anything about not staying at your house. Why?"

"I guess I didn't want to admit I was having trouble coping." The pain of losing his father was evident. He still had a long way to go. "I get to the door and freeze. I don't understand why I can't enter it. I haven't even been able to turn the handle to open the door. At least I was able to enter your room this time even if it was for just a minute." He said with an attempted smile.

"So what does it mean? I meant being able to enter it?"

"Rachel and I have been talking. She wants to sell the house, at least her share. Paul and her want to buy a bigger house. I was thinking I might buy her share from her. I would like to keep it but there would be no point if I can't even enter it."

"Have you tried talking to Sam or Carlisle?" He nodded.

"Sam said to give myself time but how long does that need to be?" I could hear the frustration and sadness in his voice. "It's been two years and I still can't enter it. I was hoping to talk to Carlisle tonight."

Whilst he was explaining I was trying to figure out what I could do to help him out. Our conversation triggered a memory of a present I got on my sixteenth birthday from Billy. A present that only mum knew about. I decided it was the right time to share it with Jake.

"Jake. Come with me." I said as I jumped up grabbing a towel for each of us. Once we were dry I held my hand out for him.

He took my hand and I led him into the entertainment room to my piano seat. I opened it up and took out two small wooden boxes and went and sat on one of the lounges. He sat down beside me. I put the two boxes in my lap.

"Billy gave these to Mum before he passed away with instructions to give them to me on my sixteenth birthday. When I opened the one with my name on it, there was an envelope that had a letter for me and instructions to give the other one to you. There was also a little wooden wolf. In my letter he said I probably would not understand why it was me he gave the boxes to but it was important that I be here when you opened yours. He said you would be able to explain the significance of the wolves. He also said I would know when the time was right."

I looked at the two boxes and took a deep breath. "I think that time is now." I gave him the other wooden box.

Jake opened his box. Inside was an envelope with his name on it and an intricately carved wooden wolf just like mine. Jake took the envelope out of the box and opened it. He carefully unfolded the letter and read it silently to himself. I saw his eyes glass over as if he was going to cry and then a single tear escaped and fell silently down his face. I reached up and gently brushed it away. Once he had finished he folded it back up and put it back in the envelope. He took out the wolf and put it on the table.

"Open your box Nessie." he said softly. I could tell he was trying to hold himself together.

I carefully opened it. He took the wolf from the box and put it next to his. The wolves were a set.

"The wolves have been in my family for many generations. They are passed down through each generation from father to son. My grandfather passed them down to my dad. He told me my grandfather gave them to him as a wedding present. They used to take pride of place on the mantel in the lounge room. When my mum died he put them away. I didn't know he still had them."

"But if they are meant to be handed down from father to son then why did he give one to me?" I asked curious as to why I was given this special wolf.

"I can't tell you why." His eyes gave away his lie. He knew the reason.

"Jake. Please."

"I'm sorry Ness." He picked up his wolf and put it back in the box. "I need to speak with Bella and Edward. There is something in the letter I need to share with them."

As he stood up I said accusingly, "Jake. Do not lie to me." I reached out to grab his hand but he would not let me take it instead he sighed, kissed my forehead, took his box and left.

I sat there staring at the wolf on the table for a long time after he left. Why was my life so complicated? What was I missing? Why would Jake not tell me the reason? Frustrated I put the wolf back in the box and put the box back in the piano stool.

I headed back upstairs to finish my homework. After I had finished the little bit I had left I went looking for Jake. I was worried about him after our earlier conversation and I really wanted an explanation about the wolves. I tried his house but there was no answer and mum and dad were not about either. I guessed he was still talking to them. I was going to seek Jasper out but he and Alice had still not returned either. When I could not find him I decided to head back to the entertainment room and play my piano. I had been playing to myself for about ten minutes when I saw mum and dad return with Jake. They must have gone for a walk. That explained why I could not find them earlier. He was heading for his house but must have heard me playing because he detoured toward me instead.

He came and sat next to me on the piano seat. I stopped playing and turned slightly towards him.

"Why did you stop?" he asked

"Why will you not tell me about the wolves?" I countered.

He sighed heavily. "I already told you about them. They are passed from father to son."

"You know what I meant." I let the annoyance show in my voice. "Why did Billy give one to me?"

"I can't tell you." He shook his head and took a deep breath. He did not want us to have this conversation again.

I got up and pulled him off the seat. I took the box out and handed it to him.

"Then until you can tell me, I can not accept it." I turned and walked towards the door.

"Nessie, please." I stopped and turned slowly to face him. "It was a gift from Billy for you."

"But it is part of a set and that set is meant for you. I am just trying to understand why it was given to me. If you will not tell me why Billy would allow the set to be broken up, how do you expect me to accept it?" I was totally frustrated now but extremely proud of myself. Not one tear had left my eyes. He would not give me straight answer to a simple question.

A howl interrupted our conversation. He lifted his head listening to the message it contained. "Damn." He ran a hand through his hair just like dad did when he was having a bad time. "I have to go."

He tried to hand me the box but I refused to take it so he left it on the piano seat. I watched as he disappeared out the door. He was removing his shirt as he ran getting ready to phase. I turned and walked away leaving the box where he left it.

By the time I was ready for bed Jake had not returned and our conversation was still unfinished. For the first time in a long time it took forever for me to get to sleep. Several times I got up and sat in the window. I was edgy and saw movements everywhere. It felt like there were unseen eyes watching me. I could hear the murmurs from downstairs as my family spoke in hushed voices. It was well after midnight before I could relax enough to close my eyes. Eventually I fell asleep but I woke up screaming. Mum and Dad came rushing in to see what was wrong but I could tell them nothing. The nightmare had disappeared as soon as I opened my eyes. I was surprised Jake did not come bursting through the door and I assumed he was still doing whatever it was the howl signalled. Mum sat with me until I drifted back off and she was still there when my alarm woke me up at seven.

I rolled over onto my back and smiled up at her.

"Morning." I said as I stretched.

"Morning sweetie. You look tired." She reached over and gently brushed my hair from my face.

"A little bit."

She searched my face for an answer to only a question she knew but it appeared as though she found none.

"I'll leave you to get dressed and meet you downstairs." She kissed my cheek and left.

I got up and dressed quickly. I packed the books from my desk that I would need for the day and headed downstairs. Mum had breakfast and a lunch bag waiting for me. Jake was just finishing his. He smiled at me but said nothing. Both mum and dad kept glancing between the two of us obviously concerned but neither asked any questions. When I was finished they kissed me goodbye and left.

Jake drove me to school. We had just pulled out of the driveway when Jake asked me "What were you screaming about this morning?"

"You heard me?" I was shocked and embarrassed and a little hurt.

"Everyone heard you. You woke Seth and Embry." They had all heard me and my boyfriend did not even come to see if I was alright. I looked out the window so he could not see the hurt on my face. He did not pick up that he had hurt me with his comment. A single tear escaped but I brushed it away. He did not even notice.

Can you remember anything?" He asked oblivious to my mood.

"I think I had a nightmare only I do not remember what it was about. I know it took me forever to fall asleep. I kept getting up and looking out the window." I talked looking out the window and kept my voice even. I could not look at him.

"Anything else?"

"I know this sounds stupid but it felt like someone was watching me. But how could they? My room is on the second floor." A shiver went through me as I remembered. This time he noticed and took my hand in his. I smiled at him but it was an effort.

"It's not stupid. It happens to me all the time." He said with a grin on his face. "Do you remember why you were screaming?"

"No. I did not even realise I was until Mum and dad were in the room with me. It is all kind of fuzzy."

We had reached the car park and I realised we were early, there were only two other cars in the lot. I was expecting to see Dad's Volvo since they left before us but it was not there. Like the rest of my family, Jake liked to drive fast. He surprised me by stopping the car and getting out. He came around to my door and held it open for me. I got out and leant against the door after he closed it. Jake leant against the car beside me.

Now that we were here I was even more nervous this morning than I was yesterday. I had friends, at least I thought I had some. But my mind was filled with doubt. What if they were only pretending to like me because I was the new kid? What if they did not want to be my friends today? Coach Wilson said we were playing softball today. Maybe if I joined the softball team then I would have other friends if Carissa and her friends did not want me.

"Jake?"

"Yeah Ness."

I was going to ask about school stuff when I remembered he had disappeared last night. "What was the howl about last night? Why did you have to leave so suddenly?"

He thought a long time before answering which meant with Jake one of three things. One - he was editing what he was going to say, two - it was important or three - it involved something my family did not want me to know about.

"Wolf business."

"Jake."

"Honestly, it was just wolf stuff. Sam had a message for me and needed me to phase." Liar, it thought to myself. He was editing again. Keeping something from me. I knew he would say nothing else so I did not even bother. I did not want to get into a fight with him this morning. This visit was not going how I wanted it to. They were treating me like a child again. I knew he would be leaving either tonight or tomorrow morning so I changed my mind and asked him about what I was just thinking about when we pulled up in the parking lot.

"Do you think mum and dad would let me try out for the softball team?"

"I'm not sure. Do you think you can cope?"

"I think I could cope with the game itself…."

"But?" he asked when I hesitated.

"I am not sure how I would go if someone slid and grazed themselves or got cut."

"Why don't you let it go this year and just settle in, then next year once you have been around people more give it try. Don't put too much pressure on yourself."

I thought about what he had said. It made sense. Maybe I should concentrate on having human friends before I did anything else.

"This is all so new." I swept my arm around at my surroundings. "What if Carissa and her friends do not want to be my friend today?" I asked. My mind was racing away with negative thoughts.

"How could anyone not want to be your friend?" he asked. He sounded surprised that I could even think that way.

"Well it took me a long time in New Hampshire to make any friends and then I really did not know much about them. I do not know if they were only my friend out of pity since they knew I did not have any or if they really wanted to be my friend."

"You're doing fine. You're friends with the girls on the reservation and they're human."

"But they know who I am, what I am." He took my hand in his and drew light circles with his thumb. The familiar contact helped me to relax.

"Ness. Trust me, just give yourself some time. We'll all help you and if Carissa and her friends don't want to be your friend," he put his other hand under my chin and lifted it gently so he could look me in the eyes, "which I doubt very much, you still have the rest of your family here. And if they don't want to hang out with you, call me and I'll come and get you." I saw a grin cross his face but I was lost in his eyes.

"Thanks." I managed to mumbled unable to break the eye contact between us.

"Feeling better?" I could not speak. My heart was pounding again. I was sure he could hear it but he said nothing.

Eventually he broke our eye contact. It looked like it took great effort on his part to do it and first my thought was why. He was breathing heavier than normal too. I did not understand what had just happened. We had only looked at each other. What was going on?

"You better get going otherwise you're going to be late for class." He kissed me softly on the lips and let go of my hand. "I'll see you this afternoon."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23 - My Second Day**

I stood there watching as he got into the car and drove away. My breathing and heartbeat slowly evening out. Once his car disappeared around the corner I realised there were people everywhere, the car park had filled up and I was not aware of it. How long had I been lost in Jake's eyes? Dad's Volvo and Rosalie's convertible were parked a few places from where I was standing but they were no where in sight. When I turned to go into the school grounds Carissa was at the gate staring at me.

"Morning Carissa." I said, ignoring the stares I got from other students.

"Who was that?" she demanded.

"My boyfriend." I replied a tender smile on my face.

"Boyfriend?" She sounded offended as if I had kept some piece of vital information from her.

"I guess I forget to tell you yesterday."

"Uh huh."

"Sorry."

Carissa seemed upset as we made our way to class and there was an uneasy silence between us. I did not know what it was but I thought that I had done something wrong. She said nothing during English and she was very quiet as we entered biology.

"Morning Carissa, Nessie." Pete called as he took his seat next to me.

"Hi Pete." I replied.

"Pete." Carissa acknowledged but turned to face the front of the class.

"What's wrong with Carissa?" he turned to ask me.

"I am not sure." I needed to talk to her to find out what was wrong. Biology seemed to drag because I really wanted to sort out whatever it was. I did not want to lose my only friend because she thought I had kept something from her. When biology finished Carissa left without a word and I sat there staring after her.

"What's with Carissa?" Katie asked as we headed towards maths.

"I am not sure. She snapped at me when she saw me this morning. I thinks she is upset because I forgot to tell her about Jake yesterday."

"Jake? Oh, the guy that dropped you off today." I nodded. "He was hot. Who is he?"

"My boyfriend." I knew I had a gooey smile on my face as I said it but I could not help it. Just talking about him made me feel happy. "We grew up together. He lost his father a couple of years ago. He lives on the estate with us. Esme built him and his friends their own house."

"You sure were in your own little world. I saw your siblings staring at you and you were oblivious to them. How old is he?"

I panicked. What did I tell her? He had frozen at sixteen when the wolf gene kicked in but he looked like he was twenty three or twenty four. If I told her twenty three she would probably be disgusted in me and if I said sixteen she would probably say 'yeah sure' so I decided on nineteen. Surely Jake could pass for that.

"Nineteen."

"Ooh older man." She laughed and I relaxed a little.

"So what does he do?"

"At the moment, nothing, but he is training to be a mechanic." Okay that was not the whole truth but it was close enough. He was actually a qualified mechanic but I did not think a nineteen year old could be fully qualified. "He came back for a visit yesterday."

"But you just said he lived on the estate with you."

"He does but his sister was in a bad car accident in Hawaii so he is living there at the moment."

"I'm sorry. That must be hard."

"It is. It is harder than I thought it would be. He has to go back tomorrow morning."

"But he'll be back soon right?"

"I hope so." Since she was in such a good mood I decided to try my luck and see where I stood with her. "Can I tell you something? It is kind of embarrassing."

"Sure. Shoot."

"I was so nervous this morning. I did not know if any of you would still want to be my friend. I did not have any close friends at my old school." That was the best way I could describe how I was feeling without asking her outright.

"Nessie, I don't know what friends you had at your old school but you definitely have friends here. We all like you. I'm offended you could even think that we would not like you today."

"I am sorry." Since she was being honest with me I decided to be honest with her. "It is besides Jake and his family in La Push, I have never had close friends."

"Never?"

"I did have a couple of girlfriends in New Hampshire. We went out and I slept over at their place once but I did not know much about them and they knew nothing about me."

"You really were serious that you did not think you would have friends today?"

"Yeah." I admitted. We both laughed. I felt much better and much more accepted.

We had reached class then and realised we were late. Mr Farnham had already started. We grinned at each other and hurried to our seats, keeping our heads down.

When the bell rang for the end of class I asked Katie, "What am I going to do about Carissa?"

"Don't worry about her. If she is still not talking to you by lunch I will talk to her."

"Thanks. See you at lunch."

We headed our separate ways. When I got to history Carissa was already seated. I smiled and sat down next to her. I decided not to push so when she said nothing I let her be. I was glad when the bell rang and we were headed for the cafeteria. I decided to try one more time to talk to her before we got there.

"Carissa? Did I do something wrong? You have not said anything to me all day."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to take my bad mood out on you." I was relieved that it was not me that she was mad at.

"Is there anything you want to talk about?"

"You'll think I'm an idiot."

"Try me."

"Well after yesterday," she hesitated and looked down at her feet, "I thought your brother might have liked me but when I arrived this morning I saw him kissing your foster sister Bella. I guess I was jealous and then I saw you with that guy and I just lost it. I'm sorry." Just as he had said yesterday afternoon dad broke Carissa's heart by kissing mum. Wow, I thought to myself. Jake and I must have been in our own world I did not even see my family this morning.

"I am sorry I should have said something. They have been together for a long time. Actually all my siblings are paired off. Alice is with Jasper and Rosalie is with Emmett."

"Your parents allow it?"

"Yeah. They say it is better to allow it because they would only rebel and go behind their back anyway."

"Wow, my parents would never let any of my boyfriends stay in the same house as me."

"They all respect Carlisle and Esme too much to disrespect their rules. We all have our own rooms."

"What about the guy who dropped you off this morning?"

"Jake?"

"Yeah that's him. Who is he?"

"Jake is my boyfriend. His dad died a few years back. We've known each other since I was born but we have only became more than friends over summer."

"You look like you've been together longer than that. Does he live with you too?"

"Jake and his friends have their own house on the estate. Esme built it for them to keep them close. She is very protective of us all."

We had reached the cafeteria by now and Katie smiled when she saw us enter together. I looked over and saw my family already at their table. They were paired off today showing everyone they were all together. I knew I would get questions from the gang but at least I had friends to sit with. I could handle that.

Dad looked up when I entered and waved at me to join them. He put one arm around mum and his other hand was to his ear. I realised was on his cell.

"Da…. Edward needs me. I'll join you in a minute." I turned and said to Carissa.

"Okay."

I headed over to their table.

"Hey Ness, how's your day going?"

"It started off rocky but it is much better now. Thanks for asking. What is up?"

"We are just letting you know that we will all be leaving at the end of next period. Is Jake picking you up?" It was mum that answered, dad was having a rapid conversation with whoever was on the other end of the cell..

"Yes. Jake is picking me up. What is going on?" I wondered why they would all need to leave at the same time.

"Alice said the sun is going to make an appearance this afternoon and we need to be out of sight before it comes out." I did not need to avoid the public like they did. My skin glimmered but it was not enough for people to ask questions.

"Jasper and I will hang back in the woods in case you need us." Alice offered.

"Thanks but you go have fun." I said with a grin. "It is only for one period. I should be okay."

"Are you sure?" She said to me but looked at dad for his okay. He nodded his head.

"Yes Alice. I am sure. I will see you later this afternoon. Bye" I turned and walked to join the gang at our table. I allowed myself a little chuckle - our table.

As I sat down Carissa turned and asked "Is everything alright?"

"They just wanted to make sure Jake was picking me up. They all have last period off and wanted to know if I needed them to wait for me." I explained.

"How did they manage that?" Pete enquired.

"We go camping and hiking a lot. Carlisle organised for them to have an extra academic subject instead of gym. Since they do the extra subject they get a period free each week."

"I wish we had that opportunity." Millie said obviously peeved she did not get the same offer.

"Well I like gym so I'm not." Ryan snapped at her. I wondered what was the problem between him and Millie. I looked to Carissa but she shook her head.

When the first bell rang we headed for gym. I was nervous but excited.

"Come on, let's get changed." Carissa tugged on my shirt.

We went into the change room and Carissa showed me to my locker. Our uniform was black shorts and a red shirt. We quickly got changed and joined the rest of the class. As Coach Wilson had said yesterday were doing softball. An easy start for my gym experience but I was beginning to have doubts on convincing mum and dad into letting me take it. At least I knew what I was doing and how to hold back. I had been practising with Jasper at home for the last few weeks working out just what sort of effort I needed to put in to make myself seem human.

Coach Wilson pointed me to shortstop and Carissa to third base we grabbed our gloves and headed onto the field. Carissa was actually a good player. She had a clean glove and an accurate throw. I held my own. I let a couple of balls get through me, trying to be careful not to move too quickly, but mostly I cleaned everything up. Throwing was the one area I had to concentrate on. The first throw floated to first base and Trudy, the girl playing first base, complained that we would never get an out with me at shortstop. The second I put a little more force behind it. The third I let if fly at the fastest speed I thought Trudy could handle. Every throw hitting the mark. When it came to batting I let myself get struck out the first time until I saw how everyone else batted. Once I gauged the rest of the players I let myself hit out. I remembered to hold back and had a safe hit deep to the outfield. I slowed my running down so I was slightly slower than Belinda who was the fastest runner in our class but still managed a home run.

At the end of class as we were getting changed Trudy came up to me.

"Nessie, why don't you try out for the school team?" I knew what my decision would be already. Jake and I had discussed it this morning. I agreed with him I needed to take it slow.

"I..I..I do not know. I am not sure if I will be allowed to." I stammered not sure how to politely turn down her offer.

"Oh, well it would be nice if you could. You're a good player."

"I will ask my parents." At least she would think I was considering joining the team.

"Great." She turned and walked away.

"Wow, you really made an impression. Trudy does not normally talk to anyone. No one has ever been up to her standard." Carissa said with admiration. Now I felt guilty for getting her hopes up.

"I just hope my Mum and Dad will allow it." I just grinned at her hoping she would not see through my lie.

As we headed for music I realised my second day was coming to a close and that Carissa, Katie and their friends had actually accepted me as one of the gang. I actually had a place. I would fit in. Just knowing this made me feel so much better, so calm. Maybe now I would be able to have a life outside my family- a normal life. Do not get me wrong I loved my family to death. It was just that up until yesterday I did not realise what I had been missing out on. How sheltered they had kept me. Most of it for my own good but some of it simply because we did not know how people would react to me and how I would react to them. Now I looked at all the possibilities. I could have girlfriends, real girlfriends that I could spend time with, have sleepovers with, go to the movies with, share my dreams with, talk about guys, well for me one in particular but most of all I could be myself with, well human self.

Jake left the following morning after dropping me off at school. A heavy weight came down on my shoulders when he left. I was miserable but I kept a smile on my face. He promised he would be back for my birthday in a couple of weeks. I also found no answers for the present Billy had given me even though I asked mum and dad. Neither of them knew the reason or were not prepared to give me the reason why I was given the special present. Jake would change the subject as soon I tried to bring it up and I really did not want to fight with him over it. He had put my box back in my piano stool before he left and that is where it will stay until he gives me a reason to accept it.

The rest of the week went by quickly and I was restless. I was missing Jake so much and I was not sleeping well. My sleep was disturbed by dreams that left me exhausted. Mum kept an extra careful eye on me, discreetly of course but I knew she was watching. I did not understand what she was looking for. I could not wait until Saturday when I could sleep in. I settled in with my new friends and felt more at home than I ever had but I would not be complete until Jake returned permanently.


	24. Chapter 24

**Whilst all copyright and trademarked items and all the Twlight characters and the background story from the Twilight Saga belong to Stephenie Meyer, the new characters and rest of the storyline belong to me.**

**Chapter 24 - What just happened?**

The weekend came and went. My first weekend having friends outside the family and what did I do? I spend it with my family of course. I know what you are thinking, why would I spend it with my family when I now have friends? Well the answer is simple. I had spent the whole week with my new friends at school. I'd gone the whole week controlling my actions and keeping up the charade and it exhausted me. I needed to let myself go and enjoy being me. I was also taking Jake's advice and taking it slow. So Saturday I allowed myself to sleep in, which I did until nearly midday. Once I finally decided to grace my family with my presence, mum and dad took me hunting. We decided we would go each weekend from now on until we were sure mum and I had our thirst under control around so many people. We did not go far just into the reserve but it was nice to let go and let my vampire nature take over.

When we got home I did my homework. It took longer than I expected so by the time I was finished it was almost six o'clock. As I got to the bottom of the stairs I noticed Seth and Embry were on the lounge with Jasper and Emmett watching baseball. Rosalie and Alice were going over designs on the computer for some project Alice was doing but mum and dad were nowhere to be seen. Seth, Embry and I went swimming and then we all watched DVD's. Around midnight I remember stirring as Alice carried me up to bed.

"Alice."

"Yeah sweetie?"

"Did Jake call?"

"Not tonight sweetie."

"Maybe tomorrow." I answered before falling back asleep.

Sunday Jasper, Emmett, Seth, Embry and I went trail bike riding. I doubled with Jasper which I always did since I did not have my own bike. Even though everyone could run faster than the bikes it was still exhilarating. We loved doing things as a family such as hunting and camping trips but since we moved here this activity was one of our favourites. The guys had races throughout the animal reserve but they would not let me race them. I told them it was because they were afraid of getting beaten by a girl but Jasper said it was because they were afraid of what mum and dad would do to them if they ever found out.

Jake rang on Sunday night. Nothing had changed in Rebecca's conditions but things were a little less stressful now that Aiden had been released. He would spend time sitting with Rebecca after he had his physical therapy each day for his broken legs which were healing nicely. Paul and Rachel had spent some quality time on the beach soaking up the Hawaiian sun. Jake said it was hard for him to be around them because they were like mum and dad - so in tune and in love with each other. He said seeing them so happy was hard since he could not be with me which is where both of us wanted him to be. Jake and I spent a couple of hours catching up and talking about nothing. When I finally hung up my cell the reality of our separation bore down on me and I cried myself to sleep, knowing that until Jake returned I would remain incomplete.

Monday and Tuesday were just normal school days. Nothing important or worth talking about happened until I got home on Tuesday afternoon. Mum and dad decided it was time to meet my friends and before I could protest they decided it would be the next day. That leads me to today - Wednesday. Today was the day I introduced my family to the gang. Seth was dropping me off as per our arrangement until Jake returned but today my family would be waiting for me when I arrived and they would come with me and meet my friends.

"Nessie, hurry up or we'll be late again and Edward is going to be mad at you." Seth yelled from the kitchen.

"I'm coming Seth and dad will not be mad at me. He knows to well that I never run on time for anything." I laughed at him as I reached the kitchen door. It was true. Most days we arrived at school with barely a few seconds to spare. Enough time for me to jump out the car and yell 'See you this afternoon' to Seth as he drove away frantic to get to his class on time. Seth had not met any of my friends either and I knew he was looking forward to it. They were bound to love him as much as I did. He had such a kind soul.

We headed out to the garage. Since Jake was not here, Seth was using his Rabbit to get to and from classes. This was the car he also used to drop me at school each day. I jumped in the passenger seat, whilst Seth jumped in the drivers side and then we headed for school. When I looked at the time on the dash I frowned. We were early. A half hour early so why was Seth yelling at me to hurry?

"Seth, is the time on the clock correct?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Only because we are half an hour early."

"Well I'll be. I guess we are." He said grinning. "Don't blame me, blame your dad. He told me to make sure we left no more than ten minutes after they did."

"Why?"

"Well Ness we haven't had the best record at you being on time to school lately."

"I have not ever been late. Right on time maybe but never late."

"I know. Your family just want to meet the kids that have you so happy. That's all. We know how nervous you are about this and Edward thought you might try to stall so that it wouldn't happen today like we planned it."

"Oh." Was my only response. Dad knew me a little too well or was he listening in on my thoughts again. I decided with a barely audible sigh the latter thought was correct. As we pulled into the car park at school the rest of my family stood patiently waiting for us to arrive. Seth and I got out and joined them. Carissa was waiting just inside the gate like she always did. I smiled and waved at her and she waved back but halfway through her wave her hand stopped.

"Morning Carissa." I called as I closed the gap between us but she didn't respond.

"Ah, Earth to Carissa, morning." I said again waving my hand in front of her. I looked to see what she was staring at but when I turned around there was nothing there except Seth. Seth was standing where we stopped to join my family with an indescribable look on his face staring right back at Carissa. It appeared to be a look of absolute adoration, mixed with relief and a little bit of sadness. Just looking at him made me feel like I was intruding on a special moment and I quickly looked away. Then I shook my head trying to work out why I was looking away. I mean they do not even know each other. I looked back and forth between them trying to understand what was happening. As they continued to stare at each other wave after wave of emotion flowed over me and I realised I was standing directly between them. Suddenly the air around me changed. I do not know if it had to do with fact I was in between them that I felt it or if everyone in my family did too. The air had a shimmer to it, it was like electricity was flowing all around me. It pulsated out from Seth and flowed directly to Carissa washing over me at the same time. As it hit Carissa I swear I could see tiny threads wrapping around her and then shooting back to Seth connecting them together. Then a second wave flowed over me and I gasped. This wave was filled with love but it was more than love it was pure and full of want and desire. I could hear my breathing quickening as the waves flowed over me again and again. My body was reacting in a way it never had before. This new intense feeling had me pinned but I wanted it to continue and my mind and body wanted Jake there to share it with me.

A rush of air around made me realise I had been moved from where I was standing and when I looked around again mum was holding me and we were sitting on a bench just inside the grounds. As suddenly as the feelings started they were gone and I was left gasping and trying desperately to control my breath.

"Renesmee, are you alright?" Mum asked quietly.

I shook my head unable to speak. "Renesmee, sweetie. Please tell me what just happened?"

"I was hoping you could tell me." I put my hand to mum's face to show her what I just seen and felt. I knew words would not be able to describe it.

When I had finished a booming laugh from Emmett brought me back my surrounds with a thud. I looked around slowly and noticed Seth and Carissa had still not moved, it was if they were in a trance but dad and Jasper were both talking frantically on their cells.

"Well I'll be. The Pup is finally gonna be getting some action." He was rubbing his hands together and I could just imagine what was going through his head. Emmett could be rude, crude and disgusting sometimes and I know how bad he was with teasing mum and dad so I can only image what kind of crap Seth was going to cop. The Pup is Emmett's nickname for Seth since he was the youngest of the Jake's pack and also the most innocent. Little did Emmett know that he was not as innocent as he made out. I looked around at the rest of my family and they were all smiling and looking back and forth between Seth and Carissa.

"Mum?" I turned back to her and she was frowning.

"Mum?" I asked again when she did not answer but then I noticed the rest of the gang heading our way.

"Sorry sweetie, what was that?"

"Mum, the rest of my friends are coming." She stood up pulling me gently with her and led us back over to where dad was.

"Edward. We have company coming." She said quietly but I knew he would hear her even though he was talking on his cell still. He lifted his head and looked in the direction the others were coming from.

"Damn. Sam, how much longer is this meant to last?" he asked. "That is not good. They're in public. What do we need to do?" Why was he talking to Sam and what about? Sam replied but I could not hear what he said. Dad hung up his cell.

"Bella, Alice. You need to be next to Carissa. Sam said we need to break the connection now before anything happens that will embarrass both of them. He also said she could faint when that happens. Emmett come help me with Seth. Rose be ready in the car to get Carissa out of here. We'll follow with Seth in my car. Jazz be ready with some major calming. Apparently Seth is going to feel very threatened and when he realises Carissa's not here and well let's say he's not going to be very co-operative. He's going to be craving to find her just like we do with fresh blood." Mum and Alice stood on either side of her whilst dad and Emmett walked up to Seth. Rose went straight the her car.

"But Edward why do we need to break it?" mum asked.

"Bella you saw what happened to Ness and I can tell you it was way more intense for Carissa, it's still happening and it will only get stronger." He said with a grin.

"Oh." Was her response.

"We need to keep them apart and get them out of here. Sam is on his way. He's knows what it happening but doesn't understand why it's happening now when the imprint is so new. He said he'll explain it when he gets here."

"Enough with the cryptics already." I raised my voice in frustration. "Can someone please tell what the god damn hell is happening." I motioned between Carissa and Seth.

"Renesmee, language." Mum chastised me but I ignored her.

"It's alright Edward. Jake said to tell her what happened." I turned to look at Jasper as he said this. Was that who he was talking to?

"What did you mean Jake said it was alright? I asked Jasper.

"Why do you need his permission?" I turned back to dad questioningly when Jasper said nothing. Dad nodded, there was obviously more he was saying unheard.

"Seth imprinted on Carissa." Dad started to explain ignoring my questions.

"What are you talking about?" I looked first at dad and then at mum waiting for an answer.

"Seth imprinted on Carissa. It's the wolf's way of finding true love. He's found his soul mate just like I did with your mum. What you saw and felt was Carissa and Seth allowing the imprint to happen. It swept you up for the ride because you were in its way. If you had not been between them you would have felt nothing."

"I do not understand. How did you know that is what is happening.?"

"I know what happened because it is not the first time I have seen it."

"When did you see it?." He did not answer me.

"Ready everyone.?" They all nodded.

"When dad?" I insisted.

"We'll talk about it later Ness. Right now we have to get these two out of here before your friends who are still heading in this direction get here."

"But dad."

"Ness, please. Do you want Seth to turn into a wolf and possibly get your friends killed because if we don't get him out of this trance and calmed down in the next couple of seconds that is exactly what is going to happen." I had no idea what he was talking about but I also knew he would not lie to me about something so important. When I went to object again he had that look in his eyes that said the subject was closed. I sighed. I would never get a straight answer.

"Alright everyone on the count of three. One. Two. Three." On three he pushed Seth hard and he went flying about twenty feet. As soon as Seth landed he growled and started shaking.

"Jazz now." Dad called as both he and Emmett grabbed hold of him. I held my breath hoping that Jazz had given him enough peace and calming that he would not phase. That would have been disastrous for everyone. When I turned to look at Carissa she was being carried away by Alice to Rosalie's waiting car.

"Hey Ness." Katie called. I spun around to see Katie and the others not far away.

"Go Ness. Keep them away." Dad warned. "Seth might look calm on the outside but his mind is all over the place." I looked quickly at Seth and there was a look of determination in his eyes. I knew the potential for this situation and it could get ugly very quickly. I turned and walked towards Katie as quickly as I could.

"Hey Katie."

"What's with Carissa. Where are they taking her?"

"She wasn't feeling too well and fainted. Rosalie and Alice are taking her home." It was not an outright lie. She did faint and they were taking her home, just not to her house.

"Who's that with your brothers?" She asked pointing to Seth.

"Seth."

"Why are they holding him down?"

"They were mucking around and he lost his temper. They are giving him a chance to get it under control." I hoped she would believe the lie.

"Do they fight all the time?"

"More or less. You know, guys and their need to prove who has more muscle than the other." She laughed and I let out a slight sigh of relief.

"Ness you'd better get to class. The bell is about to go and you're going to be late." I turned and glared at dad. He was forcing me into school and away from what was happening between Seth and Carissa.

"But…" I started to say but he did not let me finish.

"Ness, do you want me to have to tell dad you skipped a class?"

"No." I sulked.

"Then you better get going."

"Yes Mr Bossy pants for a brother. You know this is not fair."

"Ness. Please just go to class."

I turned around and stalked off. I was furious. It was not fair. I could tell the others were having a hard time keep up with me but the stalking was taking away some of the anger I was feeling. I could not believe dad had blind sided me into staying at school.

"Ah Ness, I'll see in you in Bio." Katie said before entering her English class.

"Alright." I answered trying to be civil but I was not sure how successful I was. I walked into English and threw my bag down. I took some deep breaths and prepared myself for a very long day at school.

When I arrived in Biology I apologised profusely to Katie for my attitude earlier in the morning and settled in for another long hour. By the time lunch had come around I was dying for the end of the school day. I was surprised when I entered the cafeteria that my whole family were sitting at their normal table. My cell buzzed with a message. It was from dad.

C & S are fine.

Sit with your friends.

We'll come over in a min.

Without looking in their direction I nodded my head and kept walking joining the rest of the gang at our table. My family gave me a few minutes before they got up and headed in our direction. I had to admit they looked very intimidating all together and I could understand the nervousness that flowed around the cafeteria as they slowly made their way over to us.

"Hey Ness."

"Hey Edward, hi guys." I replied acknowledging my family and they all said their hellos too.

"So are you going to introduce us to your friends?" Dad asked.

"Um, sure. Guys, these are my siblings, Bella, Edward, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. And these are my friends, Katie, Millie, Pete, and Ryan."

Usually they avoided all physical contact with humans because of their cold skin but today they shook hands and hugged my friends. I saw mum stiffen and wondered what that was about but dad took her hand in his and I could see him whispering so fast and low that none of my friends would be able to hear. My friends seemed really nervous until Emmett brought up sports and then he had Pete and Ryan hooked. I smiled. Of course Emmett would know exactly what topic to bring up with these guys. That seemed to relax everyone and everyone seemed to separate automatically for their own conversations. I took and deep breath in and let it out slowly letting myself relax. I had been so worried about how my friends would react to my family and here they were acting as if they knew them their whole life.

After a couple of minutes I noticed dad whisper something in Millie's ear and then they moved discretely to the side. Mum joined them. I knew what they were talking about. Dad had asked me to keep an eye on Millie. Millie was having a bad time at home and he said he was going to offer her a place to stay if she needed it. At one point during their conversation I could see a few tears fall down Millie's face but mum put herself between Millie and the rest of us allowing her some privacy to get herself under control.

I joined Rosalie and Alice who were talking with Katie about fashion. Katie was very fashion conscious and I knew they were getting a new shopping buddy and possibly a new dress up doll out of today's meeting. I stifled a giggle at that thought and dad turned to me with a wink I knew I was right with my thinking.

When mum and dad had finished talking with Millie they rejoined the rest of us but dad interrupted letting us know it was time for them to leave.

"Well Ness, we'll see you later." Dad said.

"Okay." And they left. Sweeping across the cafeteria as if they were on a runway.

"Wow Ness, your family is so nice." Katie commented.

"Yeah, did you check out her sisters, man they were hot." Ryan said watching my family glide away.

"I don't know about her sisters but her brothers were absolutely gorgeous." Millie said with a sad but sweet smile on her face.

"Man the whole family is, Ness included." It was Pete. I looked down. Peter knew about Jake but he still liked to let me know how much he liked me. I liked him too but only as a friend. He was my friend equivalent of Emmett. They had the same personality and although he appeared intimidating I knew he was just a big teddy bear underneath. I laughed silently. I could imagine the smile on Dad's face at that comment.

"If you guys have finished drooling over me and my family then I suppose we had better get to class or we are going to be late." The cafeteria had emptied and there were only a few of us let. I headed towards class not waiting for them to respond.

I was glad when the final bell of the school day went and I made my way to the parking lot. The Rabbit was gone and so was Rosalie's convertible but dad's Volvo was still there. I waited beside his car for him but was surprised and a little peeved when it was mum who showed up and jumped in the drivers side.

"Where is dad?" I asked when I got in the passenger side.

"He drove the Rabbit home."

"So is anyone going to explain to me what happened this morning?"

"Sam is still here and he wants to explain it to you when we get home."

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure." I responded, heavy on the sarcasm. "That is what I keep getting told but no-one ever explains anything." I knew I was acting like a spoilt brat but I also knew as soon as I got there an emergency would come up and Sam would have to leave and I would not be told anything yet again. That is just the way my life was.

So our drive home was a silent one. As mum pulled into the garage and I headed inside I did not know what to expect but it was definitely not what happened.

"Get out of my way. I need to see her." I could hear Seth yelling from the guys house. I presumed he was yelling at Sam because all the guys and Embry were in the lounge room. I presumed Sam answered calmly because I did not hear his response.

"You are not my alpha Sam now get out of my way before I knock you out of it." Seth continued to yell. I could imagine the fury coming off him.

"He might not be but I am now sit down!" Jake's powerful voice filled the air and then everything went silent.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25 - Intense Feelings**

As soon as Embry heard Jake's voice he got up and took off towards the door. Jake had no sooner given his command to Seth to sit down when we watched Embry sit automatically just inside the door. Everyone burst out laughing at the expression on Embry's face at the realisation of what had happened.

"What the?" Embry said aloud. "I'm not a wolf and his command just floored me. The alpha status is only meant to work when we are wolves." He was trying to stand up but the alpha command had him pinned to the floor and then he laughed at his predicament.

Jake must have released his hold on Seth because suddenly Embry was able to move again and as he stood up he barrelled into me on his way out the door.

"Sorry Ness." He called as he continued on his way. Mum who was standing next to me grabbed me around the waist to stop me flying across the room at the contact.

"Jake?" I whispered as my heart missed a few beats at hearing Jake's voice and it registered in my brain that Jake was home, he was actually here. He had finally come home. Then as suddenly as my happiness started it stopped. I knew deep down he was not back for good and I knew it would only be a matter of time before he left again. If he was staying he would have told me. Rebecca had still not come out of her coma and Jake would return to her until she did. Well I was not going to show anyone how much this was hurting me. I did not know how many more times I could say good bye to Jake. I just wanted him to stay. I glanced at dad and he grimaced. Great I thought to myself. He was just in my head.

"I'm going to get changed." I said as I pulled out of mum's embrace and headed towards the stairs.

"Ness." Dad called after me.

"Don't." I put my hand out to stop him from following me. I did not want to have this conversation with him again. I was definitely not going to hold it together. I raced to my room and locked my door. I went into my bathroom and turned the shower on, sliding down the shower wall to the floor I let my tears fall letting the sound of the shower drown out the sound of my tears.

My mind could not focus on anything. Here I was sitting in my shower crying over something I was powerless to change, my boyfriend was here but busy with dealing Seth and whatever was happening between him and Carissa. Dad had said they had imprinted, whatever that meant. He said it was the wolf's way of finding their soul mate. How could anyone just by looking at someone know they were their soul mate? Love at first, uh-huh sure. Yeah right dad, pull my other leg. I had not even asked about my best friend, what was happening with her or where she was. Instead I sitting here in my own self inflicted misery crying because I did not want my boyfriend to go back to Hawaii to sit with his sister who was in a coma after a serious car accident and she may never wake up. My body ached all over. I needed to see Jake. I had no idea why, I just needed to see him.

"Ness?" A small voice was calling. I lifted my head but there was no one there.

"Ness?" The voice repeated and I realised it was coming from the other side of the wall. It took me a few seconds to realise it was Carissa. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my wet clothes and headed for my closet and the hidden door that joined the rooms. I made my way in the spare room and found Carissa in the shower stall just like I had been only seconds before. She was dry but her face was red and puffy. She had been crying too.

"Riss?" I said quietly as I approached her. She looked up at me and I could see the pain and confusion in her eyes. I slid down the shower stall on the opposite side to her.

"Where's Seth?"

"Seth is with Jake and Sam. Do you remember what happened?"

"I remember getting to school and seeing you and your family. I saw you and Seth get out of the car, then looking in Seth's direction but that's all I remember. The next thing I knew was I was here in this room. Your mum, Esme, was sitting on the bed watching over me and introduced herself but could not tell me what happened. Ness, what's going on?"

"I am not sure. I asked dad but I am still waiting on an explanation. Are you alright?"

She was quiet for a little while before she answered. "It hurts."

"What do you mean it hurts?"

"My body aches but it's more than that. I'm not sure how to explain it."

"Can you try for me?" I was hoping by getting Carissa to talk it might shine some light on the imprinting thing that dad was talking about.

"It's like I have to see Seth and because I can't my whole body hurts. It's a dull ache that runs through me. I heard him yelling so I know he is in the other house and all I want to do is go to him but no one will let me and I have no idea why. I don't understand. I have these intense feelings for him and I haven't even met him officially. I only know his name because he drops you off at school everyday and you talk about him all the time as one of Jake's brothers." I could see the effort it was taking her to keep herself where she was but also to hold herself together.

"What do you mean intense feelings for him Riss?"

"Well. I've dated a few guys and had a few crushes too but today everything changed. Ness, the only way I can explain it is to say I'm in love with him. I don't understand why or how but I know in my mind that I love him and I know that with all my heart Seth will be the only guy I will ever be with."

"Wow." Was the only thing I could say. Everything she was telling me made sense but was it the same for me? I mean I feel the same way about Jake. I know I love him even though he is the first guy I have liked but is it the same as what Carissa is going through? My body aches but that is because of our separation, not because I cannot see him or be near him. My ache is the ache of my heart.

"Tell me about it. Weird huh." I nodded in agreeance.

"You have no idea. Somehow I think things are going to get a whole lot weirder for you before they get better though." I smiled knowing she was going to learn a lot more about Seth than she could possibly imagine.

"What do you mean?" She looked at me trying to work out why I was suddenly smiling at her.

"There are some things about Jake and his friends that you need to know about but I do not think it is my right to tell you. I think it is best if Seth explains."

"When will I get to see him?"

"I do not think it will be too much longer. I know there was some problem but no one will tell me what. Jake came back from Hawaii because of it of that I am certain." I watched as she took in a deep breath and started to whimper.

"It hurts Ness." She cried.

"Shh. Riss. It will be alright. You'll see Seth soon. I promise."

I joined her on the other side of the shower and wrapped my arms around her and she wrapped her arms around me. As she sat there I could see the tears build and then start to fall again. Eventually she cried herself to sleep. Once I knew she was well and truly asleep I picked her up and carried her into the spare bedroom. Being half vampire did have its advantages every now and then. Once I got her onto the bed I raced back into my room and quickly got changed out of my wet clothes and headed back to be there for her when she woke up. I grabbed a light blanket and put it gently over her before sitting in the chair near the window. I just sat there watching my friend knowing her pain at this point in time was worse than mine and I needed to be there for her. At some point I must have drifted off myself because the opening of the door roused me. I looked up and saw Jake and Seth enter quietly.

"Sorry I must have drifted off." I said quietly sitting up and stretching.

"It's alright baby." Jake answered and he walked over and wrapped me in his arms.

"Just let me check on Carissa." I said pulling myself from his hold but Jake held me tight.

"She's fine baby. Let's leave her and Seth alone. They need to talk and I need to explain some things to you too." I nodded and looked over at Carissa. Seth had gently climbed on the bed next to her but she was still sound asleep. He was carefully pushing her hair behind her ear so he could see her face. The look of love and adoration on his face was unmistakable.

"I'm sorry baby, I'm so sorry." He was whispering to her.

"Come on, let's leave them alone." He gently took my hand in his and led me out the door. I took one last look at my best friend and watched as Seth gently laid down beside her. He folded his body so that he was wrapped around her lying on his side, his front against her back and propped up on one elbow watching her sleeping form with an intensity I had never seen him display. His eyes never left her and I quietly closed the door behind me leaving them alone.

Jake said nothing as he led me away from the room and he did not stop as I thought he would at my door. Instead he led me down the stairs and out the sliding doors to the entertainment area. Dad was at his piano, he smiled but said nothing as we passed. The rest of my family were gone. The air had a heavy and oppressive feeling to it. Like what happens before a major thunderstorm is going to hit. Everything is still and you can hear a pin drop waiting on that loud crack of thunder just before the lightning and then downpour. Just before the door the entertainment room Jake stopped and faced me. He gently ran his hand down my cheek and I leant into it. His touch sent a shock wave through my system and I let out a soft sigh.

"I've missed you baby." His voice was barely more than a whisper but held so much emotion.

"I have missed you too." I replied looking deep into his eyes but his eyes were not the usual lose myself in his soul eyes that I saw. They were cloudy. It was something I had never seen before. The look he had make me nervous and for the first time a little scared of what he was feeling. Without warning Jake crushed his lips to mine and pulled me as close as he could enveloping me with his arms. I whimpered at the force of it. I did not understand what had overcome him. He had never been like this with me before.

"Jake, you're hurting her, control yourself." Dad growled at him. With dad's words just as suddenly as it began he let me go. The shock of his actions let me reeling and I staggered backwards a few steps until cold arms of dad caught me.

Jake said nothing but I knew dad was reading his thoughts because he said, "I know."

"I'm sorry baby." He looked so conflicted. He said nothing else he just turned and walked away. My mind was reeling and I leaned into dad for support watching Jake walk away. I was confused by what was taking place but most of all confused by Jake.

"Are you hurt sweetie?"

"No dad, just shocked and very confused."

"Give him a few minutes. He has a lot going on in that mind of his and he is not sure where to begin." When I looked at dad totally confused he continued "He wants to tell you what is happening but he can't stay and doesn't want to hurt you and leave you with more questions. He really does care about you."

"I know. He promised me he would tell me but only when he could stay permanently. I will give him some time. I think I will stay here and play my piano."

"Okay sweetie. I'll be inside if you need me."

"Thanks dad." He kissed me on the cheek and left. I walked over to my piano and sat down.

I ran my fingers along the keys and before letting them flow. I let them wander where they went, not really concentrating on anything in particular. Eventually my wandering fingers starting to develop into a song. The first song I had written over the summer and I lost myself in it.

I was so caught up in my song that I did not hear Jake return. When I finished and looked up he was leaning on the door frame and my heart did an audible leap. He was dressed only in cut off shorts which meant he had been in wolf form. My mouth had a mind of its own as a smile crossed my face at the sight of him. I sat there and drank his form in. Even though I had grown up with the guys around and seeing them in little else but shorts, my new feelings towards Jake made me appreciate his muscular body in a different light. His was a body of fine art to be savoured at all times.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

I said nothing. I got up off the stool and headed towards the sofas holding my hand out for him. He hesitated before following me. He did not take my hand and sat on the sofa opposite me. His rejection hurt just a little but he obviously needed more time. We sat there staring at each other, neither one of us saying anything. I did not know what was going through his mind but I wished he would say something. We continued to stare at each other, not saying anything. Jake looked like he had zoned out and his staring was starting to make me uncomfortable and I knew I needed to say something.

"Jake. Say something please." But he continued to stare. I sat there for another minute or so until I really could not take it any longer. I stood up slowly and walked around the coffee table until I was next to him, his eyes followed me. I reached out and carefully took one of his hands in mine and held it up to my cheek hoping the gesture would let him know I was alright but he still said nothing and continued to look at me.

"Jake, please. I am alright. You did not hurt me." I said as I gave up trying to get him to talk. I kept his hand to my cheek as I climbed onto his lap and laid my head on his chest. Jake said nothing but he wrapped his other arm around me and held me to him. I was not sure how long we sat there but ever so softly kisses were being placed on my hair and I heard him whisper 'I'm sorry' after each one.

I let go of the hand I was holding to my cheek and wrapped both my arms around him squeezing as hard as I could.

"Ow, what was that for?" I loosened my arms on him and giggled.

"Well you were being Mr doom and gloom and I could not take it any longer."

"Mr doom and gloom? What are you talking about?"

"Well, you would not say anything and you kept apologising. If you have not noticed I already forgave you otherwise I would not be sitting here on your lap."

"Oh."

"What happened before?"

Before he could respond a loud scream pierced the air.

"Carissa. We have to go." He stood up quickly and put me on the ground. He grazed his lips against my cheek before grabbing my hand and pulling me along with him.

"Jake, please what is happening?"

"Seth was going to talk to Carissa. I told him go slow but I think he went a little to quickly for her. From the sound of her scream she is freaking out." He was angry and I was guessing it was from the way Seth was handling the situation.

We headed outside and another scream pierced the air followed by a growl.

"We need to hurry." Jake growled and I looked at him with a scowl. He headed straight for where the scream was coming from. Suddenly he stopped next to mum and dad who must heard and were waiting for us.

"Carissa is in there." Dad said pointing to a small clearing behind the guys house. Dad must have sensed Jake's anger towards Seth because he added, "Jake it's not what you think. Seth hasn't told her anything. They were just going for a walk together, trying to get to know one another."

"Then what happened to make her scream like that?" Jake snapped at dad his anger not subsiding.

Dad looked at me and then back to Jake before he calmly said "They were being followed by a wolf and it got too close. Carissa saw it and screamed. Her scream put Seth into protection mode and without thinking he took off after it and phased in front of her. Once he was sure the other wolf was gone he came back. He's phased back but she won't let him near her."

"A wolf. Who?" I asked.

"I don't know Ness. Seth didn't recognise it either." Dad answered.

"So what do we do now? Carissa is petrified of Seth and she is on the verge of collapsing again." Mum asked.

"Bella you understand better than anyone what it is like to find out the person you love is something more. Why don't you try to relay to her how you reacted, maybe not about me but when you first learnt about Jake. Jake and I will try to convince Seth to come back to the house with us." Dad suggested.

"How do you want to get Seth out? He's not going to want to leave her." Jake asked.

"I think Bella and Nessie should go in first. Nessie is the only one Carissa really knows. We need to get Seth out of there before he makes things any worse than they already are."

"Alright." Mum took my hand and we headed towards Carissa who was cowering away from Seth who was trying valiantly to calm her down without success.

We approached her slowly and when we got close enough mum squeezed my hand and nodded towards Carissa. I took that as my cue to try to talk to her.

"Carissa?" I called loud enough for her to hear me.

She looked towards me and then flung herself into me sobbing.

"Shh Riss. Everything is going to be alright."

"W...we were w…walk…walking, I s…saw ..a…a w…wolf a…and sc…screamed. S…seth chased it a….away b…b…but he" She stammered out but everything had taken its toll on her and she passed out.

"Carissa!" Seth yelled concerned about her, rushing toward where I was holding onto Carissa.

"Seth. She's alright. She just passed out. It's too much for her." Dad said calmly walking into the clearing where we were with Jake. Seth was trying to take hold of Carissa but I knew if she came around it would freak her out again and I kept hold of her.

"Seth. You need to let Nessie and Bella take her back to the house. She needs time to process what she saw. I need to talk to you."

"No! If Carissa goes back to the house I'm going with her." Anger rolled of him.

"Seth. Man. Think about it." Dad tried to reason with him. "She's been through a lot today. I was there when you imprinted and it was intense. Then we had to break the thrall you had going on. I still don't understand it even after seeing it from both of your minds. Breaking it caused her to collapse for some reason. Now less than twelve hours later you phase in front of her.

"But that wolf was going to attack her." He spat back at dad.

"You don't know that. Maybe it was just curious about you but that doesn't matter at the moment. Carissa all of a sudden she these feelings she doesn't understand. She doesn't know you imprinted on each other. You definitely haven't had a chance to explain to her about the wolf side of things and then you phase in front of her. I'd be a little freaked too at seeing you burst into a wolf in front of me with all that happened today. Give her some space to try and sort her mind out. Let Bella and Nessie talk with her. Let them see where her head is at."

I could see the anger in Seth subside to be replaced with defeat. I knew he would allow us to take Carissa to the house.

"Come on Seth. Lets you, me and Edward go for a run." Jake put his hand on Seth's shoulder gently pulling him away from the us. I saw Seth hesitate before he allowed Jake to move him. I heard dad continue as they walked away, "We won't be long. It'll give Bella and Nessie a chance to talk to Carissa when she comes round."


End file.
